I've blogged about how K's homecoming was a little more of an adjustment than I thought it would be. I guess we weren't the only ones having that problem.
I always thought the hard part of all of this would be the deployment -- that if you can make it through those long months of separation, you're in the clear. Sure, it would take time and some getting used to as far as having the soldier home again, but it's all an adjustment that surely families and spouses would be glad to make. Evidently that's not really the case.
I just learned last night that a couple we're friends with (the fiance I went to visit in Daytona last summer) has broken off their engagement. Another couple we're close to is fighting nonstop (Yet they're still ring shopping, for some reason. They've been together almost as long as K and I.). It seems every week I hear of more couples fresh off of the deployment who are getting a divorce for whatever reason (sometimes due to things they learned their spouse did during the deployment) .
Thankfully, K and I are doing just fine. While his return was an adjustment, it was never anything to make me worry that we wouldn't make it. Change is just something you have to deal with in any long-term relationship; it's just part of life.
Obviously I don't know all the details that led up to the problems our friends and others are having after this deployment. It breaks my heart that several of them have gone through such a challenging time, only to fall apart when they should be getting to celebrate being together again.
I don't know if this epidemic is common after a deployment of this length, but the whole thing has definitely been a learning experience for me. I've heard K's friends mention a few times how deployments can make or break a relationship (I can't even tell you how many couples got engaged or married before the tour or during R&R), but I always thought that was really more true for couples who are just dating.
K and I have both been surprised by the number of couples calling it quits. But it's a good reminder to be a little more patient as K continues to settle in back home, to be even more grateful for having him here, and most of all, to be sure I don't take K or any part of our relationship for granted.
3 comments:
Sounds like you both have the right attitude! Glad to hear that the transition is going well for you - sorry to hear that it isn't so easy for everyone. XO
Wow, that's too bad about the couples you know. It's wonderful that you and K are truly committed to each other, and that you are consciously making an effort to not take him for granted. One of my best friends went through a deployment just weeks after they were married (unbeknownst to their friends). She said the hardest part in having him back was depending on him for things she'd become dependent on herself for. When he returned, she would try to do things to show him that she needed him. I thought that was sweet. :)
My best college girlfriend had her Navy husband ship out on WESTPAC a few weeks after they got married. She mentioned the same rash of splits and divorces after the guys returned home. I'm glad to hear you and K are doing well and holding fast to each other!
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