Why does the military hate me?

Remember how absolutely, ridiculously anxious I was to get engaged to K? I thought once we got engaged, we would soon be married, and that would mean that we'd get to live in the same place. I was definitely ready for that.

So we got engaged, and we wound up getting married quite a bit quicker than we'd thought -- because K deployed. Not only did getting married not lead us to living in the same place, but it left us living on different continents, on different sides of the world, with a 9-hour time difference. Boy, was the joke on me!

But, as you know, after 14 months away, K came home. And we were anxiously awaiting the list that would tell us where we'd get to live together (FINALLY) for the first time in our four-year relationship.

Our top three preferences -- Colorado, Seattle, Hawaii -- are among the most popular choices of places to be stationed, so we really didn't expect all of them to be on our list. K's branch manager -- the powerful wizard who compiles this list based off of all the needs and openings in the entire U.S. Army -- had told K that with the rough few years he's had (three deployments in addition to spending a year in Korea, and being stationed in two of the most undesirable posts in all of the Army), they'd try their best to get us in one of those places.

We were pretty excited for this list, since it would tell us where we'd spend our first three years living in the same state, city and home. I couldn't wait to know our choices so I could daydream about our combined lives in whatever charming cities the list held.

We waited and waited. Well, we finally got the list a couple weeks ago. And we've hardly shared it with anyone.

Frankly, we're a little annoyed by it. This is the not-so-fabulous compilation of choices K and I were given for where we will spend the next three years together:

• Korea
• the California desert (right between Death Valley & the Mohave Desert)
• Boise, ID
• Virginia
• Louisiana (where K is currently stationed)
• (potential option) ROTC position in Kansas

As for Korea, K has been there, done that. Not to mention the fact that I'm not quite ready for a move of that scale.

The Cali desert? I'm not living anywhere near a place with "Death" in its name.

Boise? The job is actually one K has no interest in whatsoever. In fact, he once told me if he had to do this type of job, he'd want to shoot himself. That would not be good for our marriage.

Virginia? We love the state, and we'd both love to live there someday. The trouble is -- once again -- the job. K would be in an office all day, and he really wants to have more interaction with soldiers. So would loving the area make up for being in a job you hate?

Two places on the list offer jobs right up K's alley: Louisiana and Kansas.

Teeny, tiny, nothing-around-for-miles, Louisiana. In a town where they call Wal-Mart "the mall." Where your only options to eat (besides fast-food chains) are a hibachi grill, a Mexican restaurant, and one of those steakhouses where you throw peanut shells on the ground.

Where we could afford a really nice house, since no one wants to live there. Where no one would ever want to visit us (not that I'd blame them). Where we'd be a decently short drive away from Florida for beach vacations, and Oklahoma to see my family and go to football games.

Where K would be very well taken care of, since the colonel (who, in K's review, called him "the best Captain in this battalion" and said of K's recent time in Iraq, "He played the biggest role in the unit's stunning success in quelling the insurgency") has already told us he'd have K work for him again.

Where I'd have no idea what to do job-wise.

Where we've been anxious to leave for the last few years ...

Which leaves us with Kansas. Which may not even become available.

The only pros about all the items on this list are that K is guaranteed to NOT deploy in the next three years. Considering he's been gone 18 of the last 36 months, we're OK with that. (But you better believe I was 100% freakin' serious when I asked K if we could get that "guarantee" in writing!)

So it looks like we've got some thinking to do. And it would also seem that, once again with the U.S. Army, the joke's on me. Awesome.