FACT: I still owe you pictures from the homecoming. And a blog about it. And details on what we've been up to since K has been back.
FACT: I'm going to make you wait a little longer for those. (FACT: I'm sorry.)
FACT: K is here in Dallas with me this week. We went to lunch today, and somehow, we got onto the topic of a past *ahem* ... relationship of his.
CONFESSION: I'm not a virgin. (Shocker, I know.)
CONFESSION: I wasn't a virgin when I got married. Or when I met K.
FACT: Neither was he.
FACTS:
- Remember the jerk I dated all through college? He was my first, and I was his. Besides K, he's the only guy I've been with.
- When I met K, he was 26. For this fact alone, I was pretty sure that his history was going to be a little more extensive than mine. Because K is so genuine and kind, I figured his number was probably somewhere around 3.
- I was wrong -- it was a bit higher than that. It wasn't large for a guy his age, but it was more than I'd expected. I honestly just tried to make the best of it by telling myself he would definitely know what he was doing in that department.
- I was OK with his number. I was also OK with the fact he'd been engaged before.
K and I have a very honest, playful relationship. I give him quite a bit of grief about his little history. I remember their names better than he does, and it turns out I remember a lot of the history of it better than him, too.
I don't know why I feel the need to give him so much grief about it or why I torture myself by asking K about it. Sometimes, though, it has just managed to come up in conversation, and K is always open and honest. Which is how we got onto the topic today.
I don't get catty or rude or gripe at K about things that happened before he ever knew I existed, but I probably tease him about it more than I should. And I know it bothers me more than it should.
I think part of it is that K is the first guy I dated who wasn't a virgin. (To be fair, he's the first guy I dated when I wasn't a virgin.) There never were any girls in my exes' pasts to dwell on -- and even if there were, I didn't care about those guys in the same way to care enough about their pasts like that.
FACT: K married me.
FACT: K still loves me.
FACT: I need to just get over it.
CONFESSION: I wonder if I'm the only girl who felt like she was more normal with this kind of crap BEFORE she fell in love.
6 comments:
Totally normal to feel that way! I don't expect to end up with a virgin, and I've told myself I shouldn't care when the time comes, but I remember even dating a guy who wasn't, and it bugged me. If that is the case, I don't want to know numbers or details, because I think it will haunt me - and like you said, he married YOU. That is all that matters!
funny post, because I feel the same way.
I was a virgin when I met my fiancé. He... wasn't. He had a reputation among his friends, not awful, but he was definitely experienced, far more than myself.
He's also an Army boy, so I understand where you're coming from in a lot of your posts regarding K and his service.
But regardless, my fiancé didn't know me before he knew those women, so I try to remember who he chose to build a life with, outside of the bedroom. :)
Oh girl trust me I have felt the same way. And thing is B doesn't like to talk about it. He says our past are our past and we are together now and none of that matters. And I know it is because by 28 he had definately been with more girls than I thought.
Yes we have talked about but I think he doesn't open up about it because all it does it lead to how much it bothers me so he figures if he doesn't dwell on it then I will not think it is a big deal.
They are our husbands now and those girls in the past mean nothing.
I was laughing while reading this b/c you could be me writing this post. H completely SHOCKED me when he told me his "number." My conservative, sweet, quiet military guy apparently wasn't so shy when it came to the ladies. At first it was fine... but then I started pestering him for details... and it still bugs me to this day (for example, his girlfriend before me was Asian, which I am so obviously not. And before that? A skinny little blond. So different.) Anyway... you are completely normal and please know that you are in a worldwide group of women who experience these emotions/experiences! I have learned that I simply cannot talk about it (even though I sometimes can't resist) or I make myself sick.
Rob's past still bothers me and we have been married 2.5 years! It doesn't bother me in an unhealthy way but in a way that I wish I didn't think about it at all. I think it's normal though. That's the one thing I will share with my children...yes people go on and on about being a virgin when you get married...blah, blah, blah, but what
you find out is that when you do find the person you love and are meant to be with that THAT'S when you find out why it's important. I'll just tell my children that whether it will make a difference or not.
i definitely have felt the same way. joe has a higher number than i do, and he was engaged before (in fact, he was engaged when we first became friends), and even though he married me, it still bugs me sometimes. that's why he got me a new engagement ring for our first anniversary...my original one (his grandmother's ring) was the one he had given his first fiancee. blah.
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