Hard Sunday

Yesterday, it was about 80 degrees in Dallas. Today, it was around 40. It was raining or drizzling through much of the morning. When I left for church, I was in the mood to hear some slower songs. The radio wasn't quite fitting my mood, so I turned to my CDs to listen to Ca.rrie Und.erwood. Instead of either of her albums, though, it was How.ie Da.y who came up on my CD changer. I love that album, and I hadn't listened to it in a long time, so I didn't change the music.

That album, though, is one that makes me think of K. It's pretty much our CD, really. The first time he came to visit me in Dallas, he showed up at my doorstep with three yellow roses (since yellow's my favorite color) and three CDs, one of which was How.ie Da.y. It actually turned out to be my favorite CD. Since that day in July 2005, we've listened to it many times together.

So hearing it this morning was a little sad. It made me miss K, but I was doing OK. I was a little teary-eyed a couple times, but not enough to make me switch to another CD.

I got to church, ready to be uplifted by a great Christmas-y sermon. Instead, I listened to a choir singing slow songs in minor keys, and the sermon was about darkness: how dark the world is today (the Om@ha shootings were brought up, as were a few others from the past), how it's the darkest time of the year and how we're even approaching the shortest day of the year. Honestly, I can't even remember the point of the whole sermon. I was too busy trying not to cry during it because instead of being uplifted, I was being reminded of more sad things. Awesome.

When the sermon finished, the choir sang another slow, minor-key song. At that point, I cried out, "Gah!" in frustration and dropped my little church program on the pew in frustration. ER, who was sitting beside me, asked me what was wrong. I told her how I had been sad to begin with, and how the depressing music and sermon about darkness had not helped the situation. As I explained those things to her, I started crying.

"Great, now my eyes are going to be red."

I had successfully fought off the tears earlier in church, so I tried to get them to stop again. This time, though, no luck. I was more frustrated by the fact that I hadn't been able to get my hair to cooperate that morning, so I'd had to pull it back. And I was wearing heels. Which meant I was towering above everyone, and I couldn't hide behind my hair.

ER got up to take Communion, and I stayed in the pew like I always do. While she was up, I looked at my phone, which had been on vibrate. I had three missed calls and a new voice message. I could tell by the weird number that it was K. The fact he had left a voice message probably meant he was telling me he'd just give me a call the next day. Obviously that didn't help me stop crying.

By the time ER joined me again at the pew, I wiped my eyes and realized my fingers were turning black. "Great, my mascara is running now," I said to ER. It's hard enough to mask the fact you're crying when your eyes are red and your face looks like a punching bag without adding the black streaks all over your face.

"Do you want to leave?" ER asked. I admitted I did, and we got up and quickly left the church. Luckily, our exit was timed perfectly with the people getting up for Communion at the back rows of the church. All we missed was singing the last hymn as the pastors and readers left the room.

We went straight to ER's car, and I checked my voice message from K. He said, "I just realized you're probably in church, so I'll call you in about a half-hour. Don't be upset." That part made me smile. ER had pointed out that it was neat that at the point I had started crying was the same time as he had called. "At the same time you were really thinking about him, he was thinking about you," she said.

We headed to the mall for a nice little distraction. I was able to cross another present off my list of Christmas gifts after a quick trip to Bath & Body Works. ER and I spent the rest of the time just looking around and chatting. It was nice and relaxing.

K called me back while we were still there, and I was able to talk to him for more than 20 minutes. He's doing well. He's finally in the area where he is supposed to spend the deployment. He said it's really nice. There's no St@rbucks like at the last base he was at, but K's not a big St@rbucks guy anyway. They do have a nice little coffee shop and a mall with some local stores in it.

K has his own room with a twin-sized bed, a couch, a computer desk and a locker for a closet. He says it's a lot like a dorm room setup. He's going to send my pictures of it. The commander of the battery whose place K's battery is taking gave K his TV, so he'll have that too. It makes me happy to know he'll be as comfortable as possible in the place he'll be living for the next 15 months.

After mall time with ER and especially after the phone call from K, my day got much better. I know there will be rough times through this deployment. Today was my first one, really (You can't count the day they leave. It's impossible for that one to be easy.). I'm happy to say this one only lasted for a couple hours. I know there will be more, but it's good to know that not only do they not have to ruin my entire day, but I don't have to go through them alone, either.