One month down, 14 to go

Today marks one month from when K left. One month.

It feels like so much longer than that. And I have to do it 14 more times.

The first month is supposed to be the hardest. It's the biggest adjustment period, the days where you're getting used to the idea of such a long separation, and you're figuring out ways to keep yourself occupied and trying to find your routine again.

It's amazing how K and this deployment always manage to stay in the back of my mind. Every once in a while something happens that makes me realize I've been thinking about it all along, no matter what I'm doing. The times K has called me early, early in the day (like 1:30 or 2 a.m.) when I'm in an absolute dead sleep, it's surprising when I gather my thoughts to realize that even though my brain has just clicked as far as what woke me up, my subconscious has already ordered my arm to answer the phone.

A few times (thankfully, it's been almost two weeks since this last happened), I've found myself in an unusually quiet mood. For some reason I can't figure out, I just feel withdrawn and a little down. Sometimes, people I'm around (co-workers, friends) have asked me what's wrong or why I'm being so quiet. I have to be honest and tell them I have no idea. It's frustrating not knowing why my mood is so off so randomly, but I can only guess at those times that it has something to do with missing K -- especially since this isn't something I usually experience.

Now that the holiday season is ending, I'm hoping I'll really be able to get my routine back in order. I'm making a few plans here and there, so I have things to look forward to that are coming up, but I'm also looking forward to having time to just relax. I've been making plenty of care packages for K (just sent one this morning!). I've even been reading several mil.itary w!fe books I found on Amazon. I've stayed in touch with other Ar.my wives and fiances who are friends of mine and K's, so it's been nice to have them to talk to, since we're all going through this together.

And then there are those random surprises I encounter. Just last weekend when I was home for Christmas, I ran into a woman who came into my dad's store pretty often when I was growing up. Her son was just about my age, and I didn't realize it, but he went into the military. She came by the store while I was there for Christmas, and we chatted for a while about her son, his time overseas and what she went through while he was gone. It was all very familiar. She gave me her business card with her email address on it and told me to stay in touch.

Not to mention the two friends of friends who are mil.itary w!ves and know what I'm going through and -- in two separate cases, both after hearing from my friends about K being deployed -- asked for my contact info so they could let me know they're here in case I need to talk to someone who knows what it's like to go through a deployment.

There are also all the supportive comments from all of you who read my blog. Those, along with co-workers and friends who always ask how K is doing and tell me they're praying for him, really make a difference. I had people tell me after K got back from Afghanistan that they were never sure if they should ask about K or not, so I make sure to thank people when they ask me how he's doing. It's not like I've forgotten he's gone, and the fact that they haven't either really means a lot. It means they care.

These next 14 months will bring with them many challenges, tests and growth, I'm sure, but those unexpected outreaches have been so uplifting. The comfort they have brought (and will continue to bring) will no doubt make my time away from K so much easier.