Considering a reply

I haven't responded to the email yet from my mom. I'm really torn on what to do. I hate the drama and how overly emotional my mom gets. She's manipulative, and she has this reeeeeeeeeeeeeally annoying way of twisting words into something that's a direct insult to her. My conversations with her wind up feeling like I'm writing some legal document because I have to constantly clarify and define things as I speak to try to prevent her from manipulating my words. It's frustrating.

Honestly, right now I'm feeling like I don't want to respond to the email. Maybe my feelings are all due to PMS, but all I have to do is look at the past to know that responding will start another email chain where she replies in some overdramatic, junior high-like way, and I have to play the responsible adult by responding maturely. She'll fire back another ridiculous email or two, and I'll be ready to send her a giant f#$k off reply (more nicely written, but that would be the gist of it). Someone will talk me out of pressing send (last time it was K), so I'll just ignore all future emails until something big happens that forces another round of emails. It's an exhausting cycle, and I'm really tired of it.

It's been almost a year since I last spoke to her, and I'm still tired of her. She has issues, and everyone knows it but her.

I've written a draft of a response. I'm still not sure I'm going to send it, but for now, I'm sharing it.

I wasn't going to respond to this email at first, and to be honest, I'm still a little uneasy about it. I'd love to be able to have a relationship with you, but honestly, it's very difficult. If you want to have a relationship with me, I need you to take some responsibility and ownership for the way things are now.

I know I've been disrespectful to you. I know I've said some very harsh things to you. I feel like I was forced to be that way, though. When you and Dad first separated, you would call me several times a day telling me things that I didn't need to hear. In the beginning, I asked you many times to not tell me those things and to not put me in the middle. You kept calling, though, so I had to get more and more assertive to try to get you to listen. I feel like a lot of times, that's still the only way I can get you to really listen to me.

As for the wedding, I told you multiple times that the decision was yours on whether or not you came. I even emailed you Sept. 7 -- 15 days before the ceremony -- and you gave me a dramatic reply about how you felt the decision was made for you and like you weren't welcome. I wasn't going to drive to Oklahoma and beg you -- especially if you made it clear so many times that you weren't coming. You even went so far as to tell me you'd already spent your money and vacation time on remodeling your bathroom.

You say that you know you've made mistakes that have affected [my brother] and I, and you wish you could take them back. You say you've apologized for them, but then in the next breath (I'm not talking about your email, I'm talking about conversations we've had before) you're basically saying you don't understand why our relationships with you are the way they are. It's insulting and contradicting.

I'm sorry to hear you were in an accident. I'm glad you and [your husband] are OK.


Obviously I need to fill in some gaps -- especially between the last line and the previous paragraph. I just really don't have much to say to her, though. I have to choose my words so carefully that it's just too hard to get into much more.

I don't even care to be on her will. She has accused me a few times of only talking to her when I want money (which is funny, since I've been pretty financially independent since I was 14, but pretty much entirely so since I was 17). Yet here she is emailing me to get my address (which she has) and new last name so she can add me to her will? I don't get it.

Maybe I'm just not ready to hit send on my response.