Last time I went to the dentist was in early January. K had barely been gone a month, and the fact we still had 14 months to go in this deployment was tough to think about.
In those first couple months after he left, I had a little problem with the radio. Without warning, a song could make me start crying. It wasn't just a certain list of songs that I'd have to avoid -- that would be too easy. Instead, the tears could be triggered by a number of things: a sweet line that made me think of K, a sad melody, a song that I associated with a memory with K, songs about love, etc., etc.
The good thing about the triggers is that I could tell from the first few notes of the song if it was going to make me cry. Luckily, every time a trigger song had come on, I was in my car, where I could immediately remedy the situation by changing the station --
Until my dentist appointment in January. The dental assistant was cleaning my teeth when I heard the first few notes of Lonestar's "I'm Already There." Immediately, I knew I was in trouble. And changing the station was definitely out of the question.
As the song continued, my eyes began to fill with tears. I tried rolling my eyes to stop them from spilling over. I tried blinking excessively. I tried to think happy thoughts. None of it worked. My eyes soon spilled over, but because I was lying down in the dentist chair, it was easy to hide at first. I tried to inconspicuously wipe my eyes as the tears rolled over my temples. It worked for a minute or so, but I eventually got caught.
The dental assistant saw one of the tears, looked at my eyes and jumped back in her chair. "Are you OK? Did I hurt you? Why didn't you tell me?!"
I tried to get through it without having to explain: "No, you didn't hurt me. I'm fine. Really. It's nothing. I'm OK."
The dental assistant raised an eyebrow, as though she didn't quite believe me. She still thought she'd hurt me somehow. I was going to have to explain myself after all.
"It's the song." I told her that my husband had recently deployed, and since then, some songs just get to me. That day, it was that song. The dental assistant gave the standard "Aww"s and asked the typical deployment questions ("When does he come back? Is he in a safe area?").
Once she was sure I wasn't going to have an emotional breakdown in her chair, she got back to cleaning my teeth. When the Lonestar song finished and she was reaching for tools on the counter behind her, I had to laugh at myself over what had just happened. I can't imagine she gets adult patients who cry in the dentist chairs very often!
I was remembering that morning as I got ready for my day today. I had a checkup with my dentist at 8 a.m. It had been a long time since I'd had to change the radio station to keep from crying, so I was hopeful this appointment would be tear-free.
Of course, though, I managed to jinx myself.
As I was driving to the dentist this morning, I found myself tearing up when the song "Low" (yes, the Flo-R!da club song) came on.
The first time I heard that song was in K's apartment the week he left. His roommate was sitting with us in the living room on an inflatable mattress, which was the last piece of "furniture" left in the room besides K's TV. His roommate had his laptop in front of him and started playing "Low," saying it was his fiance's new theme song becaues of the "boots with the fur" line (although I'd never seen her wear boots, fur or furry boots, but it was still funny).
Hearing that song made me miss that time. I missed K, K's roommate and his fiance. I missed K's apartment, the crappy town where he was stationed, the close group of friends we hung out with each weekend ... I missed the one lousy restaurant in the whole town, which always had a big wait since there was nowhere else to go for dinner besides fast food. I had a whole second life in Louisiana with whole other friends, jokes and traditions. That life just stopped when K and many of those friends left for Iraq. Hearing "Low" had reminded me of that life and how much I miss it.
I changed the radio station to avoid starting my day with red, puffy eyes. It was kind of funny that the song that had gotten me out of nowhere this time was an upbeat, raunchy club song. But at least there was no danger of hearing it at the dentist office.
3 comments:
Funny that it happened at the dentist's. :) I am very sentimental when it comes to songs, too, so I could see something like this happening to me if I was in the same situation. You should tell the other wives in your support group (or whatever it is called). I bet they would get a kick out of it.
It's crazy what can trigger a memory. And very funny that it was a raunchy club song this time! :)
Music is such a trigger for me. There have been times that I just didn't listen to the radio. The fact that "Low" is one of those songs makes me giggle yet I totally have club songs that do the same for me when I think about my single days with my girls.
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