I am getting closer and closer each day to saying f* this place with my job.
I don't know specifically what it is, but I hate it. I really do. And it feels good to say it: I hate it.
I feel kind of lied to. I'm doing mundane shit that wasn't part of my initial job description.
I feel like communication blows. Too many people ask me to do things, and my boss isn't looped in.
I feel mistreated. My boss often given projects that have been let almost reach a deadline ... and with little to no direction or details on what has been done to that point.
I feel stressed. Not completely sure why, but it's always there.
I feel unhappy. Because I just don't want to be here.
I feel unsure. Because I think quitting would be the easy way out. The irresponsible thing to do.
I feel stuck. What would I do without a job? Be worthless. Watch TV. Waste away.
I feel ungrateful. So many people need jobs, want jobs ... and here I am bitching about mine.
I feel lazy. Am I just trying to get out of doing work I don't want to do?
I feel dishonest. I'm pretty unproductive at work a lot of times. It's frustration, exhaustion, and annoyance at processes. And sometimes when I try to be productive, I hit walls because of processes.
I feel selfish. Everyone has parts of their job they don't like or don't want to do.
I feel arrogant. Do I think I'm above some of these tasks? Everyone would love to have the mundane work taken out of their jobs.
I feel immature. Because I want a 9-5, non-weekend job that doesn't interfere with time with K and friends.
A lot of my dissatisfaction deals with my work environment. A lot of it deals with the work itself. A lot of it deals with my boss and that leadership style.
I do enjoy some of what I do. I sometimes get excited about the work we do here.
This place and this work will look good on my resume.
Unfortunately, there are little to no journalism options in this area.
And K will be working down the street from me in months. That could be awesome. Maybe we could carpool.
For those last few reasons, I will stay. I will tough it out a little longer. I will ignore the stress. I will pretend I like being here.
But every day, I get more and more tempted to just tell my boss it's not working.
7 comments:
I understand your pain more than you know! I need a job both financially for our family and mentally for my well-being. However, I no longer need THIS one, but right now I have to just wait and see what's next. Hang in there - it doesn't get easier but you learn to ignore some of it a little bit better and hopefully something interesting and exciting will come along soon for us both! :)
Blah. It sounds absolutely awful. Have you talked to your supervisor about it at all? It sounds like they'd have to make an awful lot of changes to make it somewhere you actually like, but maybe a few things will make it into a place that you can at least stand.
Hugs, hugs, hugs. I totally know where you're coming from. ...I have less than a week left at that place. Somewhere better will come around!
I hear you about running into processes. Sometimes I feel unproductive and lazy, too – but there are many obstacles that prevent me from moving forward with some of my ideas. It makes me feel guilty to make a good living when some days don’t involve enough work for the pay. However, I know that things will pick up, and there are fortunately important things I contribute to that remind me of why I’m here. You’re in a tough spot. I can understand all your various feelings, and I think I’d feel similarly. I wonder if I would get bored being a stay-at-home wife someday – or if I’d be able to be home and not spend all my husband’s money decorating and cooking, haha.
My girlfriend KT was feeling that way at her job for different core reasons, but a lot of the same reasons at work, and overall the same feeling. She eventually got fired for absences. She job searched for three weeks, applying for five jobs a day, and found a 9-5 job where she gets her weekends and evenings back and takes her out of the industry she was in. It probably was one of the best things that could happen to her.
She doesn't have rent and as many bills as you and I do hanging over her head, which complicates things, but perhaps you can apply for other jobs while you are still there? That'd be extra work, but only for a little while.
You're up! So glad you like the idea!
Uniquely Your City: May
I am right there with ya!
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