Brad was from Dallas. During finals week, I had run into him in the lobby of the dorms. He knew I was in the band, so I'd be in Dallas for the game. He had said that we should get together while I was there and go out.
The first night we got to Dallas, a group of his friends and a group of my friends went to a club. All my friends danced. When I was in high school, they started banning a lot of our dances because of what people were wearing and the way they were dancing (Dirty Dancing and MTV looked pretty tame in comparison.). I didn't want to dance like them.
Well, CG and my friends kept trying to get me to dance at the club. Finally, CG took me away from our friends and said, "Just move your hips. No one's watching you!" So I started dancing. I didn't really feel comfortable or like I new exactly what to do with my arms or my upper body. After a few minutes, CG led me back to where our friends were. I was nervous, but I danced. I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over. After we'd been dancing a couple minutes, I said to Brad, "I don't really know what I'm doing." He couldn't hear me, so he suggested we move to one of the other rooms (the club had like 5 of them). As we were walking on the balcony that looked down on the dance floor, he said to me, "You're pretty much the best-looking girl in here, so as long as you're moving, it's gonna look good."
We all had a blast. Second semester, we started going to the club almost every weekend. We'd always get big groups -- sometimes as many as 15 of us -- to go with. It would always take me a while to start up. I could never just walk into the club and go straight onto the dance floor to start dancing. I would delay it as long as I could. Finally, I would find a spot in the middle, where no one standing on the outside could see me, and I'd start dancing. I just knew there would be someone on the outside standing there saying, "Look at that girl! She sucks! She looks so dumb! I'm glad I don't dance like that."
Whenever I'd go to Dallas to visit Brad during the summer, we'd always go out to this one club on Sunday nights because it played '80s mixes, which I prefered over hip hop. Brad and I fought a lot. He would send me ridiculously long e-mails whenever we fought.
The summer before my junior year (2003), Brad sent me one of those e-mails. In it, he wrote something that, to this day, I have not been able to forget:
The only time I ever danced with Brad again was over a year later, and we were hanging out with two of my roommates and one of their boyfriends. I had had just enough to drink that I didn't care, and it was fun.ok...i messed up sunday night...but i was kinda stressed from that thing with my mom...not really feelin it...and im standing there with your hair bouncing in my face and getting caught on my face and i cant even really dance becuase if i move i bump into you...so pretty much i am just standing there with no energy and feelin like...this is so stupid...why do people like dancing...just moving their bodies to music...looking like idiots and calling it fun...what a dumb concept....so....with those thoughts...i was done.....
side note....i like to dance with you and i like to take you dancing because i know you like it and it makes you happy....but it isnt fun for me because you do the same thing over and over at the same speed to every song.....here it is...moving hips from side to side....look at me...look around....look other way....look at me....toss hair....toss hair other way.....turn around...same thing..... NOW...before you get all pissed at me....i admit i should definetly be the last one to give dancing advice becuase i look like a dumb ass when i dance and i have no rythm....but i have danced with some people who are good and it is much easier and more fun when one person is good....I know you could be a good dancer because you have rythm and are sexy...but i think you just dont try....so maybe....i some of your free time...shut your door...drop a beat and dance in front of a mirror....see what i am talking about....how you just do the same thing over and over.... yeah.... now....try to do some other things....experiment.... maybe do a little research...i dont know...have fun with it.... then... when you have some new moves.... let me know and we will go dancing again.....
When K and I started dating, he told me he didn't like dancing because he knew I didn't. Or, at least, he thinks I don't. He lied. He loves dancing.
I was uncomfortable enough dancing before the one person who was supposed to think it looked good -- my boyfriend -- mocked me for it. Now, I'm definitely scared to do it. Slow dancing is fine. That's easy.
This sounds like a random post, I'm sure. But yesterday as I was cleaning up a little around my apartment, I happened to think about Courtney's post in response to Notes on a Napkin's post about dancing. Courtney talked about how she danced while she was cleaning her apartment. It sounds fun, but I have no idea how you'd go about dancing and vacuuming at the same time, or dancing and dusting at the same time. And I think I'd feel weird, which is stupid.
The next time the occassion calls for it, I would like to dance with K. Honestly. But no matter how amazing K is and how I know he'd never think that, it's still hard to get Brad's comments out of my head.
2 comments:
Oh Sweetie - you are so cute!!! And I have so many responses to this post...
1. Brad is a jerk. Why would he write that to you!!!??
2. Ok, so actually, on some level, in his own jerky way, he probably thought he was MAYBE trying to help. But he did it in totally the wrong way. So he still sucks.
3. I sucked once too... I tried to help an ex boyfriend dance and totally ended up hurtng his feelings... but looking back I totally said it in a rude way and if someone had said that to me I would have died. Literally died. I told him he held his arms like a Tyranasaurus (spelling?) Rex! Not cool of me... but live and learn. I never did it again because I saw how sad it made him.
4. I LOVE to dance. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! But only very recently do I think I'm at all decent. I still remember the first party I ever danced at... I was SHOCKED that I could just move my hips back and forth and have it pass for dancing. "This isn't dancing!" I thought... and it probably wasn't, but it was good enough at the time. The way I actually learned to dance was:
a. Copying what other girls did at clubs - especially go go dancers, if you can find some!!!
b. (And don't hate me for this) Locking the front door when I'm home alone... cranking up some tunes... and dancing around my living room alone while looking at my self in the mirror. I analyze EVERYTHING while I do this... facial expressions... arm movements... even down to what I do with my fingers! If something looks too silly, I change it... and memorize it! Then when I'm in the club later, I know exactly what I look like when I do each type of move. It sounds ridiculous - but it works.
5. When I clean (on the other hand) it's mostly just a LOT of ridiculous ass shaking as I move around the house... oh and some very theatrical arms while I toss clothes into the hamper... there may even be a high kick or two invloved. Dance-cleaning IS NOT PRETTY - do not replicate any dance-cleaning moves on the actual dance floor. Ever. Unless you actually happen to have a mop with you, becuase then I think most people would understand. I have to beleive that most girls have dance-cleaned once or twice... otherwise I'm just a freak.
6. Go. Dance with K. Have fun. That's really what it's all about. Brad had no idea. It's fun to be on the dance floor with your sweetie, flirting, and smiling, and dancing seductively. And it's also fun to be a nut on the dance floor with a big circle of your bestest girl friends. It's high energy. And it's good exercise. And it's fun with the right person or people.
I love that post comment Courtney put up!! I didn't comment because I've had a similar experience in not being familar at all with dancing and have no advice to give. I've gone through #4 hehe but haven't gotten past that yet If you don't mind I'll borrow Courtney's and you and I can learn together. Go us :) !
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