News travels fast ...

When I was on the phone with K this morning and he was giving me the news, my boss walked into my office to hand me a paper. I was crying, and I had Kleenex in my hand. He looked at me as if he was trying to decide if he should come back later. I waved at him that I was fine and he could drop off the paper. I told two of the administrative assistants what K had told me. Everyone else in the department was in a meeting. After the meeting was over, I told Sarah, whose brothers are in the military.

A few hours later, the only other 20-something in our department came into my office and said she'd heard the news. Evidently she'd been in the bathroom at the same time as our two department heads, and they'd said something to her about it. What was weird is that I didn't know how the department heads knew. I didn't care that they did, I just thought it was kinda funny how quickly they found out.

So my co-worker was asking me about it, and I filled her in. She said she was surprised I was smiling about it and not crying and being upset. I told her I had to laugh about it or opt for crying at work.

I checked my MySpace page for a brain break during work, and I had a message from my cousin telling me she'd heard about it. My cousin in Hawaii. They're five hours behind! Again, I didn't care that she knew. It's just crazy how quickly word travels.

I worked late tonight so I can leave early on Friday and spend more time with K. I was doing fine, though, and then I got home. I called K, and I didn't expect him to be able to talk because when he's in the field, it's later at night before he's free. He told me he'd call me back a little while later. After I hung up, I started thinking about how when he's in Afghanistan I won't be able to call him every night when I get home. And I started crying. A lot. I'd managed to hold it in all day. Just something about being home and by myself made it all come out.

I keep thinking how lucky so many people are for being with people who don't have to go away like this. The stupid thing is, though, that this is my first time. And it's only three months. K's friends' wives have had to go through much worse. One of his friends has been to Iraq twice, for a year both times. His wife had to go home every night to an empty house and wonder how her husband was doing in a war zone. And he may be going back again soon.

Yes, I know I don't have to date someone in the military. But it's not like you choose who you fall in love with. If I could, I would have still chosen K. I knew the night that I met him that he was in the Army and that he would be deployed to Afghanistan. I lucked out that it was delayed and that it eventually was dropped from a year to three months.

And the truth is, I'm proud of K. I am so so proud of him. I love that he's in the military. What he does is so amazing and wonderful and admirable. As much as it'll suck to have him gone three months, I know we'll be fine. And we'll make it through the year-long deployments, too.

I knew the first night I met K that there was something special about him. Something in his eyes and the fact that he really looks at you when you talk. He listens and he actually hears you, and you can tell that he cares about what you have to say. And it's not just that way when he looks at me. That's the best part. He's that way with everyone.

Even though I'd rather have him here, what he's does is wonderful. I would much rather have him be a part of my life and be away than not have him in my life at all.