I don't know what my deal is, but I keep finding myself in a slump. I went back to OK this weekend to see my dad, his girlfriend and my grandparents. I had a good trip -- nothing too exciting, but it was lazy and nice.
I got back to Dallas last night and went to check my email. My homepage informed me that soldiers had been killed over the weekend in the area where K is. I hadn't heard anything, which normally means it hasn't affected anyone in K's battalion. K switched jobs a few weeks ago, though, and that switch has put me in a different family group. Whoever the person is in the new group who's in charge of calling me and keeping me in the loop with things has failed miserably. I haven't gotten a call in weeks. It makes me worry that even if something bad did happen and K was involved, I wouldn't even find out -- like they'd forget they're supposed to let me know or something. And the little line at the end of the article on my homepage that said the identities of the fallen soldiers were being kept private until families were notified wasn't any comfort.
I called my former family group person and talked to her for a while. She's going to keep me in her loop of things, which means a lot to me. I'll feel much better when I get a random call from her just checking up on me like I used to. I never realized when I was getting those calls how much better it made me feel, since if they were calling me for no reason at all every three weeks or so, then they'd definitely be in touch if there was a reason to call.
I haven't gotten a call from K since Wednesday. Since he's transitioned to his new role, we've gotten to talk less. I don't know if he's just getting used to things or if it's just how it'll be for the next few months, but one 45-minute phone conversation a week is hard to keep going on. Before, we were able to catch each other on IM or email back and forth. K signed on IM today for just a few minutes, but go figure I was slammed at work. We were able to talk for a few minutes, and he said he's going to call me after his morning meeting, which means I should get a call around midnight or 1 a.m. Here's hoping.
Work has been frustrating and stressful too. My boss noticed today that I'm not quite myself, and she sent me an email asking if we could go to lunch to catch up. I think it's going to be a good thing.
I was supposed to go running with a friend tonight, but I had to stay late because an urgent project came through. I left work at about 8, which was 30 minutes before I was supposed to meet my friend at her place for our run. I hadn't even had dinner yet. I had to cancel the run I was looking forward to so much (for the release, not for the run). We're planning on going tomorrow, though, so that'll be good.
I just feel like my life lately has been work, the gym and running errands. The routine of things was going well for a while because it was keeping me occupied and making the time go fast. In the beginning of the deployment, I stayed busy doing things with ER and with Brit on weekends. I've only seen ER three times over the last two months (two times when she came to church, and once when she called me at 7:40 on a Friday night and convinced me to come have drinks with her, her boyfriend, her co-worker and her boyfriend; we were only out for an hour), and Brit has been busy the last few weeks too. I've had no trouble keeping myself occupied with making care packages and getting things done from a seemingly endless to-do list. But I just feel very much alone right now.
Everything together is just overwhelming -- my frustrations with my job, the decreasing communication with K, the boringness of my weekday routine, the feeling ER is getting closer to permanently resigning herself to a life of early nights in on the couch watching Dancing With the Stars with her years-older (but nice) boyfriend, my defective washing machine, and the fact I haven't been to the gym since last Wednesday.
Tomorrow really will be better, I'm sure. K is supposed to call tonight, I won't be working late tomorrow night, I'll get to run with a new friend, and I'll have a nice lunch with my boss that will hopefully result in some positive changes at work.
Tomorrow will be good.
Tomorrow will be good.
Tomorrow will be good.
6 comments:
I hope he called tonight. And just think a fun night out this weekend with me. :) XOXO
Tomorrow is another day and that's what you need to focus on...sounds like you are. I can imagine it's tough but I'm sure it's normal to have highs and lows! I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way!! :)
I hope he was able to call last night! I can understand how you would be feeling lonely. Heck, even I get that way amongst all the busyness sometimes. It's a bummer that ER is already beginning to prefer nights in to being social. Maybe if you told her that you're lonely and want some company, she'd make more time for you. I doubt she realizes you've been feeling this way, unless you've told her.
You’re a strong woman. I’m feeling the same blah lately, but I certainly am not living with the same, constant stresses. I admire you for recognizing your slump – I think that is the first step towards shaking yourself out of it.
I hope you were able to speak with K yesterday.
Sending hugs from the mitten state!
*Hugs* to you! I can't imagine having to wait and wonder and worry for so long, and it's totally understandable that you're feeling blah. That's a lot of emotional intensity to keep up over the long haul, and you're probably mentally exhausted. I will be keeping you and K both in my prayers, and hoping the time goes quickly. Rest and take care of yourself. Hopefully "joy comes in the morning"!
Oh, honey, I hope you guys get to talk and that tomorrow is wonderful. xoxo
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