Good Friday

I get to see K today! It's been almost two weeks because he's been training out in the field. I'm excited to see him.

CG and Joe will also be in Louisiana, and we'll go see them tomorrow. CG is in a pageant there, and we're going to watch. She'll be awesome. And I'll get to wear this great new blue dress I got last weekend.

I worked late yesterday and Wednesday so I could get out of here early today to spend as much time with K as I can since he's leaving for Afghanistan soon. I went to the mall yesterday and got him something special for his trip. I'll post pictures after he sees it.

I went to Target the other day looking for shoes to go with my great new blue dress, and although I didn't find shoes there, I did find this adorable new skirt that I'm wearing today. I've already gotten several compliments on it.



















I love being a girl! :)

News travels fast ...

When I was on the phone with K this morning and he was giving me the news, my boss walked into my office to hand me a paper. I was crying, and I had Kleenex in my hand. He looked at me as if he was trying to decide if he should come back later. I waved at him that I was fine and he could drop off the paper. I told two of the administrative assistants what K had told me. Everyone else in the department was in a meeting. After the meeting was over, I told Sarah, whose brothers are in the military.

A few hours later, the only other 20-something in our department came into my office and said she'd heard the news. Evidently she'd been in the bathroom at the same time as our two department heads, and they'd said something to her about it. What was weird is that I didn't know how the department heads knew. I didn't care that they did, I just thought it was kinda funny how quickly they found out.

So my co-worker was asking me about it, and I filled her in. She said she was surprised I was smiling about it and not crying and being upset. I told her I had to laugh about it or opt for crying at work.

I checked my MySpace page for a brain break during work, and I had a message from my cousin telling me she'd heard about it. My cousin in Hawaii. They're five hours behind! Again, I didn't care that she knew. It's just crazy how quickly word travels.

I worked late tonight so I can leave early on Friday and spend more time with K. I was doing fine, though, and then I got home. I called K, and I didn't expect him to be able to talk because when he's in the field, it's later at night before he's free. He told me he'd call me back a little while later. After I hung up, I started thinking about how when he's in Afghanistan I won't be able to call him every night when I get home. And I started crying. A lot. I'd managed to hold it in all day. Just something about being home and by myself made it all come out.

I keep thinking how lucky so many people are for being with people who don't have to go away like this. The stupid thing is, though, that this is my first time. And it's only three months. K's friends' wives have had to go through much worse. One of his friends has been to Iraq twice, for a year both times. His wife had to go home every night to an empty house and wonder how her husband was doing in a war zone. And he may be going back again soon.

Yes, I know I don't have to date someone in the military. But it's not like you choose who you fall in love with. If I could, I would have still chosen K. I knew the night that I met him that he was in the Army and that he would be deployed to Afghanistan. I lucked out that it was delayed and that it eventually was dropped from a year to three months.

And the truth is, I'm proud of K. I am so so proud of him. I love that he's in the military. What he does is so amazing and wonderful and admirable. As much as it'll suck to have him gone three months, I know we'll be fine. And we'll make it through the year-long deployments, too.

I knew the first night I met K that there was something special about him. Something in his eyes and the fact that he really looks at you when you talk. He listens and he actually hears you, and you can tell that he cares about what you have to say. And it's not just that way when he looks at me. That's the best part. He's that way with everyone.

Even though I'd rather have him here, what he's does is wonderful. I would much rather have him be a part of my life and be away than not have him in my life at all.

Ripping off the Band-Aid

K called me this morning to tell me he has to go to Afghanistan. He's leaving in less than 10 days. I had known it was a possibility, but I was expecting a little more time between knowing he was going and when he was leaving. Of course I'm sad he's going, but I'm trying to look on the bright side of things: 1) He's finally going to be taking command. 2) I'll save money on gas because I won't be driving to Louisiana so much. 3) It's only three months -- he'll be back around Thanksgiving. 4) It's a baby-step deployment.

I was talking to my mom a couple weeks ago and was telling her I would rather that K not have to go anywhere, obviously, but at the same time, it would make it easier if he did. See, this time last year, he was supposed to be in Afghanistan anyway. For a year. He was supposed to leave in March or April. Then, it got pushed back to May or June. And then it went away. A smaller group wound up going, and K wasn't in that group. But the battery he's taking command of was. When their 6-month deployment got extended for another few months, it meant K has to go, too. So now I at least know that not all deployments turn up to be nothing (which I knew, but held out hope that they would always be that way for K through our relationship, which is pretty much impossible, especially if we get married).

I told K that I wish we'd had more notice than 10 days, but the good thing about it is that it gets everything done good and quick -- like ripping off a Band-Aid.

The thing that sucks, though, is that we'll miss each other's birthdays, just barely -- mine's Aug. 17, and his is Aug. 26. He'll miss an OU football season that looks much more promising than last year's. I was looking forward to being able to get him as addicted as I am. It's a lot easier when the team isn't losing to teams like TCU or going into double overtime against Baylor (Seriously -- who goes into overtime against Baylor?!).

And we're not going to Pensacola in a couple weeks like we'd planned. He may even be on his way to Afghanistan by then. Who knows? Not us ... yet, anyway.

But at least it's just for three months.

Can you keep a secret?

I like to dance. I do. I never danced until I was 18. It was December of my freshman year in college. We were in Dallas for the Cotton Bowl. I had just started talking to Brad.

Brad was from Dallas. During finals week, I had run into him in the lobby of the dorms. He knew I was in the band, so I'd be in Dallas for the game. He had said that we should get together while I was there and go out.

The first night we got to Dallas, a group of his friends and a group of my friends went to a club. All my friends danced. When I was in high school, they started banning a lot of our dances because of what people were wearing and the way they were dancing (Dirty Dancing and MTV looked pretty tame in comparison.). I didn't want to dance like them.

Well, CG and my friends kept trying to get me to dance at the club. Finally, CG took me away from our friends and said, "Just move your hips. No one's watching you!" So I started dancing. I didn't really feel comfortable or like I new exactly what to do with my arms or my upper body. After a few minutes, CG led me back to where our friends were. I was nervous, but I danced. I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over. After we'd been dancing a couple minutes, I said to Brad, "I don't really know what I'm doing." He couldn't hear me, so he suggested we move to one of the other rooms (the club had like 5 of them). As we were walking on the balcony that looked down on the dance floor, he said to me, "You're pretty much the best-looking girl in here, so as long as you're moving, it's gonna look good."

We all had a blast. Second semester, we started going to the club almost every weekend. We'd always get big groups -- sometimes as many as 15 of us -- to go with. It would always take me a while to start up. I could never just walk into the club and go straight onto the dance floor to start dancing. I would delay it as long as I could. Finally, I would find a spot in the middle, where no one standing on the outside could see me, and I'd start dancing. I just knew there would be someone on the outside standing there saying, "Look at that girl! She sucks! She looks so dumb! I'm glad I don't dance like that."

Whenever I'd go to Dallas to visit Brad during the summer, we'd always go out to this one club on Sunday nights because it played '80s mixes, which I prefered over hip hop. Brad and I fought a lot. He would send me ridiculously long e-mails whenever we fought.

The summer before my junior year (2003), Brad sent me one of those e-mails. In it, he wrote something that, to this day, I have not been able to forget:

ok...i messed up sunday night...but i was kinda stressed from that thing with my mom...not really feelin it...and im standing there with your hair bouncing in my face and getting caught on my face and i cant even really dance becuase if i move i bump into you...so pretty much i am just standing there with no energy and feelin like...this is so stupid...why do people like dancing...just moving their bodies to music...looking like idiots and calling it fun...what a dumb concept....so....with those thoughts...i was done.....

side note....i like to dance with you and i like to take you dancing because i know you like it and it makes you happy....but it isnt fun for me because you do the same thing over and over at the same speed to every song.....here it is...moving hips from side to side....look at me...look around....look other way....look at me....toss hair....toss hair other way.....turn around...same thing..... NOW...before you get all pissed at me....i admit i should definetly be the last one to give dancing advice becuase i look like a dumb ass when i dance and i have no rythm....but i have danced with some people who are good and it is much easier and more fun when one person is good....I know you could be a good dancer because you have rythm and are sexy...but i think you just dont try....so maybe....i some of your free time...shut your door...drop a beat and dance in front of a mirror....see what i am talking about....how you just do the same thing over and over.... yeah.... now....try to do some other things....experiment.... maybe do a little research...i dont know...have fun with it.... then... when you have some new moves.... let me know and we will go dancing again.....

The only time I ever danced with Brad again was over a year later, and we were hanging out with two of my roommates and one of their boyfriends. I had had just enough to drink that I didn't care, and it was fun.

When K and I started dating, he told me he didn't like dancing because he knew I didn't. Or, at least, he thinks I don't. He lied. He loves dancing.

I was uncomfortable enough dancing before the one person who was supposed to think it looked good -- my boyfriend -- mocked me for it. Now, I'm definitely scared to do it. Slow dancing is fine. That's easy.

This sounds like a random post, I'm sure. But yesterday as I was cleaning up a little around my apartment, I happened to think about Courtney's post in response to Notes on a Napkin's post about dancing. Courtney talked about how she danced while she was cleaning her apartment. It sounds fun, but I have no idea how you'd go about dancing and vacuuming at the same time, or dancing and dusting at the same time. And I think I'd feel weird, which is stupid.

The next time the occassion calls for it, I would like to dance with K. Honestly. But no matter how amazing K is and how I know he'd never think that, it's still hard to get Brad's comments out of my head.

Don't you just love Fridays?!

Sigh ... :) :) :)

Another friend! :)

Sarah is on vacation this week, so I'm doing my job and hers. It's been pretty hectic, and I've been there later than usual every night. Not that I mind, because I get paid by the hour. And boy, do I need that extra money.

I went to the gym tonight, and I was working out on the treadmill when this girl came in who looked just like a girl who lived on my floor in the dorms freshman year in college. She's from Oklahoma, too, so I knew there was no way it was her. But she looked at me as though she recognized me. I figured she was looking at someone behind me. Not wanting to be the idiot who waves at the person who's waving at someone behind her, I just kept looking at her. She was still far across the room, but moving closer. She kind of waved at me (still unsure herself, I guess), so then I knew it was her. It's so exciting to see someone you know when you least expect it!

Dallas is so big, and just the other day (Tuesday) I was feeling really lonely and missing life in Oklahoma and Norman, where I knew everyone and people are nice and I have a lot of friends. Here, it's hard to meet people because (a) they're not very friendly here, (b) I'm not in school anymore, (c) Dallas is huge, and (d) honestly, people look at you funny in Dallas if you're nice to them. Or they ignore you. Maybe it's just me they do this to, but still ...

I talked to Lindsey (the girl from the dorms) for a few minutes, and she was leaving, so she had her purse, which had her cell phone, so she got my number. Hopefully we'll hang out sometime.

Nothing like living in a city to make you feel like a loser with no friends ... (Okay, not really. But I
am really excited about knowing someone else here.)

Thanks, Noodle

Yesterday was kind of a stressful day. I was at work until 7 because of a last-minute thing that needed to be done. I got home at 8:15, so I didn't go to the gym. Instead, I showered immediately and vegged out on the couch watching TV with Noodle. I painted my toes and my fingernails, and I ate some Doritos. And some Mountain Trail mix. And some chocolate ice cream. (little bits of all of the above, if that makes it any better)

K was able to call me for a little bit from training in the field. He was pretty tired, so we only talked for about 15 minutes or so. It was just after 11. I went to sleep. I slept straight until 4 a.m., when Noodle suddenly bolted onto the foot of my bed, jumped back off, ran out of my bedroom and across the living room, then ran full blast straight onto my bed before slamming on his brakes right in my face. I have no idea what his deal was. I guess he just got a burst of energy (or got a hold of his catnip toy). He laid down beside me and started purring. I went back to sleep.

At least 5 times after that the little punk woke me up by jumping on or off my bed or meowing or licking me or doing something else to disturb my not-so-peaceful slumber. Now I'm feeling a little tired and having to fight dozing off because my work is arriving slowly today. I'm sure I'll be fine this afternoon, which is when everything will hit, so I'll be pretty busy.

If Noodle wakes me up like that again tonight, I'm kicking him out of my room so I can sleep!

Sharing a fun Pennsylvania story

Hey, after my day, I need this.

K and I rode with his cousin Mike's new wife to the fireworks show on the Fourth of July. Also with us was their friend's son, who is almost four. His name is Damien. Damien was so attached to K!

When we we were getting out of the car, K said, "Alright, homie," when he had unbuckled Damien's carseat. Damien said, "No, it's Damien. I'm Damien." We were all laughing about that as we started walking toward the park. Damien was on K's shoulders. I said to him, "Are you my homie?" He laughed and said no. I motioned to K and said, "Are you his homie?" Damien said, "No! He's your homie!"

All this time I just thought he was my boyfriend!

Yakkity yak

I was awakened at about 7 this morning by Noodle coughing up a hairball on my bedroom floor. In three different spots. Fun. At least I was there to clean it up fast so it was easier to get it all up.

Louisiana was fun this weekend. K's roommate's girlfriend was in. K and I had never met her before. She's actually really nice, and K's roommate is a lot more normal now that he's got her, which is also nice. Saturday morning, K and I got up and took Noodle to the vet to get his final round of shots. The vet went to take his temperature, but unlike last time, she took it with a rectal thermometer. Noodle did not enjoy that, and we weren't even warned it was coming. Kinda felt bad about that one!

After we dropped Noodle back off at K's apartment, we went to the gym and worked out for a while. We ate some turkey burgers for lunch and swam in the pool for a bit. Then, we cleaned up and went with a group of 8 to go to Johnny Carinos (my favorite) and to see the Pirates of the Carribean. Johnny Carinos was great. The movie was long. I was so tired because K had set his alarm for 7:30 to take Noodle to the vet. Noodle had been waking us up since about 6, and we tried to keep going back to sleep until a little before 9, when we finally gave up. And that's on top of the fact that K was having trouble sleeping and was tossing and turning all night. Needless to say, it had been a pretty long day. So the fact that we went to a 10:15 movie was probably not good. About an hour and a half into it, I started feeling pretty tired. Knowing we were halfway through it, though, I figured I'd be okay. My watch battery had died, so I asked K what time it was. It was 11:00. We were only 45 minutes into the movie. I pretty much don't remember the majority of the middle of the movie. I'd even say most of the movie. I struggled to stay awake through the whole thing. I'd have probably been better off if I'd just taken a 10-minute nap and missed only that. Instead, it was seeing Elizabeth kiss Captain Jack Sparrow that woke me up because it made me mad. I hate cheating!

I guess I'll just have to rent the movie when it comes out so I can see what all I missed ...

Yesterday we slept in and watched TV most of the day. It was nice and relaxing. I drove Noodle back to Dallas. He was in the kitty carrier, and he kept meowing. When he started turning circles in it, I was worried he needed to use the bathroom, so I let him out since the litterbox was in the floor. Sure enough, Noodle got in it and pawed around. I noticed he was peeing, but he was still standing straight up. I leaned over and pushed his butt down, but the damage was already done. I could really only laugh because he did the same thing in K's car when he drove Noodle to Louisiana. I was close to a gas station I was planning to pull over at anyway, so I was able to clean it up pretty quickly.

Seems like a theme with this cat the last couple days ...

Am I really still at work?

I feel so unproductive today. The day is just dragging by... Probably because I'm excited because after work I'm driving to K's, which means I'll see him and Noodle tonight, and I'll get my McDonald's quarter-pounder with cheese (hold the onions)! Woohoo!

Yay, little bro!

So this post is pretty much going to be bragging about my younger brother. He's 21, and he's never lived outside of our little hometown where we grew up. He's worked for my dad for 10 years (when Dad got his business, we both got a job, even though I was in 8th grade and he was in 6th).

Anyway, my brother is a great guy. He's really smart (even though he hates school), and he's always wanted to be a race car driver, even since we were little. He started racing when he was 16. And he's awesome. Seriously. His second year, he was track champion in his class. He moved up to the fastest class at our local track after that. A couple years later, he was track champion in that class. He's traveled all over Oklahoma racing. He's raced in Texas (even at Texas Motor Speedway's dirt track!), Lousiana and Georgia.

Last Thursday, my brother flew to North Carolina to pursue NASCAR. He enrolled yesterday at some school out there (NASCAR Technical Institute, maybe?) that prepares you to work as a member of a NASCAR pit crew. It would also teach him how to become a mechanic, which, thanks to the very computerized motors of today, is a very specialized job that can earn over $100,000 a year. Pretty awesome! His ultimate goal is to race NASCAR, so he may try to get his foot in the door by working on a pit crew for a while, which is the route a few of the big drivers today have taken.

So my little brother is packing up and moving to North Carolina to do something he's always wanted to do and actually has the instinct and talent for. I'm so proud of him and so excited for him!

More catching up

I worked on Friday, and K and I left on Saturday for Oklahoma to see my mom, her husband and my stepsisters. The girls hadn't met K before, so they were all coming in to see us. I felt terrible because Friday and Saturday I was just going crazy and was getting so frustrated at K. We'd spent over a week straight together. I told him the only time I'd been by myself was when I had been in the shower or using the bathroom (and sometimes he was there for those, too). Plus, we'd been pretty much hanging out with all guys. I needed some girl time!

Everything went smoothly. The girls are all so sweet, and they're fun to hang out with. And I got to hang out with girls!

Saturday night we went to my dad's and hung out with him. We went to church on Sunday and got back to Dallas at about 4:30 so we could hang out before K went back to Louisiana. I can't believe how fast all that time went by. I could definitely get used to being around him every day.

When we were in PA, I asked K if his mom knew how he felt about me. He told me that he'd told her around Easter that he knew he wanted to marry me. She said she already knew, and she was happy for him and she liked me. I'm so glad she knew before she died. It makes me sad, though, that I'll miss out on a relationship with a mother in law. I wanted to at least get to tell her how much I love him and care about him. I wanted her to know that he's a wonderful guy and that she did such a great job raising him. I wanted to tell her most of all that I'm going to take care of him. I'm sad I won't get to do that, but I hope that if she could tell how he feels about me, then she could tell how I feel about him, too.

Travelin' pair

I left immediately from work on Tuesday, June 28, to K's in Lousiana. We went to bed about 1:30 a.m. and got up two hours later to drive to the airport that's about an hour from him. We got to PA at about noon. I didn't realize the floods in the northeast included where we were going. K's dad said that it had just stopped raining about an hour or so before we'd landed. It had been raining for about three days straight. There were businesses and roads closed everywhere, and the news was reporting on the rivers in the area and how many of them were 15 and 20 feet above normal. It was so completely opposite from the reports in Texas and Oklahoma, where most of the lakes are about 10 or 15 feet below normal.

The next day (Thursday), we drove around and looked at the river and the damage it did.
























































Remember this picture of K and me from Easter?















Yeah, well, we were standing where all the white foam is in this picture. And the Easter picture was taken not even three months before. Crazy!!






Friday, I met some of K's friends up in Pennsylvania who I hadn't met yet. Mike was a guy K went to high school with. He lived only about 20 miles from K's house, but he was evacuated because of the floods. He went to his dad's house in Sugar Notch, PA. He invited us over to hang out by the pool. He was fun and a really nice guy. That night, I met one of K's other really good friends. Eric was his neighbor growing up. He was really nice. It turns out he's really into drag racing. I'm a racing fan, and since my brother is a race car driver, I know how much racing means to the people who do it and how much they enjoy talking about it. I was really interested in it and asking Eric questions about it. He was showing me pictures and everything. His wife, J, was cooking an amazing dinner during all this. She was very cold to me, though, when she finally joined us. At one point, I asked if I could use their restroom. She looked at me and said, "Restroom? Restroom?" I said, "Bathroom? Toilet? Lavatory?" They told me where it was, and as I was climbing the stairs to the bathroom, I thought, "Wait a minute! 'Restroom' isn't a Southern word." The signs for bathrooms pretty much all say "Restrooms" no matter where you are. J was just doing or saying little things to take teeny stabs or poke fun at me. I didn't know if she was just like that or what. She was even snapping at Eric. She threatened to kill him like 7 times. It seemed like he was getting frustrated, but I didn't know if they were just one of those couples who jokes like that.

When K and I finally left and were saying bye to them, J looked at K and said, "She's a peach." She said, "It was so nice to finally meet you" in a way that was a little too much to know if it was genuine or not. When we got in the car, K was pretty pissed. He said, "I don't know what her deal was. She's the last person on earth I would have thought would act like that." He said he could tell Eric was getting mad at her, too. He didn't know why she was acting that way. He said everyone else absolutely loves me, and Eric and I got along. I told him it may have had something to do with the way I was dressed, since I was dressed for going out after dinner. I was wearing a conservative khaki skirt (just a bit above my knees) with a less-conservative, spaghetti strap black tank top. I was wearing dangly gold earrings and had a gold purse with dressy flip flops. I said she may have gotten a different impression of who I am by how I was dressed. It also could have had to do with the fact that I was interested in Eric's racing. I was asking him questions about it, and we hit it off. K said that J doesn't like the racing and wants Eric to sell the car. So maybe that was it. I really want to know, though.

After that, we went out with Mike and Al and another of their high school friends to a couple bars. The first one was a little neighborhood bar filled with older women (in their 40s and 50s) who were not happy to see us there. One of them told us to "go back to f---ing kindergarten." A couple of them were actually wanting to start fights with one of Mike's friends. We left there after a while and went to the Best Western. It had three clubs in it! One was called Club O. There was a bar outside by the pool that had four beds set up on the far side of it. There were pillows all over each of them, and they had plastic sheets since they were outside. There was a movie being projected onto the side of the building next to us. I think it was The Godfather. It was a crazy club for such a small town.

That Saturday, we drove to K's family's campground, which is where they spent a lot of their summers. It was fun! There was a big group of us who hung out that night around a fire drinking and talking. I still consider myself pretty new to the whole drinking thing, and I'm a lightweight. We got pretty silly, but it was fun to see what the campground is like since it was such a big part of K's life growing up.






































Me carrying the fireworks. They were heavy! (but I insisted on carrying them)










The boys setting off the fireworks










The girls watching them





The next day (Sunday), we slept in and took it easy. That night, we went to see Superman Returns with a couple of the guys. It was a good movie! It's long, though, which caught us all (and our bladders) off guard. Consider yourself warned!

Monday was the campground's 4th of July celebration. We ate and hung out under a pavilion talking. The guys played horshoes. It was fun! That night, we went back to K's hometown and met Al and his fiance, who K and I had never met before. We hung out at a fun little bar with several people. One wives of one of K's high school friends kept congratulating Al's fiance and saying how happy she was for them. I was, too, but I couldn't help but feel a little jealous because I wanted that to be K and me. Al and his fiance started dating last September, so K and I have been together longer. I know it's terrible to think like that, but I'm so ready and I just can't help it ...

Tuesday we went to Lititz, PA, which is where K's cousin and his new wife (the one whose wedding we went to in May) live. It rained a few times during the day, but only for about 10 minutes or so. It rained again at about 7:30. Lititz was celebrating its 250th anniversary. The town always has a big 4th of July celebration that lasts about 3 days. We got to the park, where it all takes place, at about 8. We ate fair food and walked around to look at everything. There is a big field where everyone spreads out blankets and watches the fireworks. It looks like Woodstock or something. We had our little spot reserved with a blanket.






























The fireworks show started at 10. An announcer came over the loudspeaker to start off the show. As soon as he started talking, a cool breeze picked up. Everyone started saying it felt like it was going to rain. Sure enough, as soon as the first firework went off, the sky opened up and it started pouring! The fireworks show was amazing, though.































A friend of K's cousin had brought her 3-year-old son by to hang out with us, so he was at the fireworks show with us. He'd been so cute all day and had really taken to K. K was carrying him on his shoulders and the little boy wanted to be right by his side the whole time. It was so cute! Well, when it was pouring, he started crying because we were all getting soaked.

Just as soon as we decided to leave and started picking up our blankets and stuff, the rain stopped as quickly as it had started. It was crazy!









We stayed and watched the rest of the show, which was coordinated to music. I guess in the middle of it they switched one of the songs, because "Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain" played while it was pouring. It was definitely a memorable 4th of July. :)

The guys wringing out the blanket so we could pick it up and carry it (it was heavy!)















The next day was spent hanging out with everyone for our last day. Thursday was spent traveling, back to Louisiana and back to Dallas. It was a good vacation!

Home (at last)

K is on his way home now, and after almost two full weeks straight with him, I miss him already. I know, I'm pathetic. It's good to be home, though. I'm exhausted. The trip went way too fast. I'll post pictures and stories tomorrow.

For now, I'm going to bed!