Am dumba$$

My first car was a 1966 Ford Mustang. It had no "Check Engine" or "Maintenance Required" light. It just had a few simple gauges to tell me if something was wrong, and if there was a problem those gauges couldn't tell me about, my car would let me know by not starting, sputtering or making funny noises when it did start. I guess that's more the style of warning I need.

My Honda Accord has all these nifty little lights and gadgets to tell me random things -- when I need more gas, when a door is not fully closed, when my seatbelt isn't on, and even when Honda says I need to go to the dealership for "routine maintenance" so they can make a couple hundred more bucks off me (can you tell how I feel about car dealerships?). All those lights and gadgets can get a bit confusing, even to someone who can carry on a decent conversation about 289s and 302s, aluminum headers, dual exhaust and such (again, sticking to the old cars).

Those warning lights make me really nervous (obviously). Even when the warning light comes on for my gas tank, I panic and think I need to immediately fill up, like my car's giving me a five-minute warning, when I know fully well that I could probably go another 30 or even 50 miles before I really had to get nervous. But those lights are on for a reason. And with cars, if you ignore a problem for long enough, it can escalate pretty quickly, and next thing you know you're having to replace a motor instead of a simple belt or pump. So I take those lights pretty seriously. I just don't like to take chances with my car. I kind of rely on it for transportation.

When the light that turned on in my car last night was a picture instead of words, I knew it was bad. I knew it was the oil light. I pulled out my manual, found the Oil Pressure warning light image in the book and read all the bad things that light stands for. In my nervousness about my car being messed up, I didn't even notice that the oil light picture in the manual did not match the oil light on my car.

The reason it didn't match is because the "oil light" I was seeing was my check engine light. The mechanic called me to tell me that this morning. (Seriously? I don't want a PICTURE for that one! I want words: CHECK ENGINE!) An hour later, when they'd performed the diagnostic (which cost $100, by the way, as opposed to the no-charge diagnostic A.uto Z.one does just three blocks away), the mechanic told me the problem. Thankfully, it's nothing serious, but their repairs would wind up costing $422 with the military discount they offered me.

Since my brother (the NAS.CAR mechanic) could probably teach these guys a thing or two about cars, I called him. When he finished laughing at me about the "oil light" issue, he started laughing at the fact they charged $100 for a diagnostic. And then he told me the whole thing was BS -- that one of the things I "needed" done for $79 wasn't necessary, and I could even do it myself for $10; and the main problem was a $60 part that would require a simple wrench to install. My dad will take care of it when I go home for Easter this weekend.

Thank goodness my dad and brother know more about cars than I do!