Before you get excited, the answer is no

I posted a status on FB last week. It was an innocent status about my sense of smell. About how strong it is.

It started when I noticed our volunteer at work reeked of Old People. I've worked with her every single week, but I'd definitely never noticed that.

The post, of course, brought comments (from friends who are mothers) asking me if I was pregnant. Considering my period had started that day, I thought nothing of it. I actually thought it was kind of funny.

And then I thought about it some more.

I've always wondered if my sense of smell is a stronger than most -- particularly when I'm running. I don't know that it's been stronger lately than usual (has it?), but at the same time, after 3 months of working with this lady (once a week), how did I just notice that she smells like moth balls?

I considered that maybe she'd pulled her sweater out of storage. That could explain things. I brushed it off. And then on my drive home, when I was on the phone with K, I felt pretty moody -- moody enough that having something like hormones to blame it on would be nice.

Then my period wound up being very short -- only a day, maybe. That doesn't happen.

Not to mention the fact I'd just gotten back from OK & TX, where so many of my friends are pregnant or new moms that you'd think there was something in the water. I did drink a lot of that water ...

And Sunday, after sleeping in (thank you, iPhone alarm failure) until 12:30, I was somehow barely staying awake watching a movie with friends at 8:00. But sleeping too much can make you too tired, and we'd had a late night on Thursday and Friday.

Last night, it was all still on my mind. Especially since I felt a little nauseous. I decided to do something I've never done: go buy a pregnancy test. I made this decision after dinner. K and I had plans to go to the gym, and I told him I needed to go to Target afterward for an errand.

Except Target was closed when we got there. I had told K I needed a new battery for my keyless entry for my car. This was true, but it wasn't an emergency. I lied to K, telling him I really needed mascara. "For tomorrow?"

"I had hoped so," I said. He left the decision on trying another store up to me. But I couldn't hold it. He knew something was up.

"Do you need ... suppositories?"

I laughed. "No!" (He told me later he picked that because he couldn't think of what I'd be embarrassed about needing.) And suddenly, I couldn't quit laughing. Through the nervous laughs, I managed to tell K the various details that led me to think I needed to buy a test. K was speechless. Almost frozen. The few words he could get out were gibberish.

As we headed toward Wal-Mart, K realized he was driving far below the speed limit. Guess he was still a bit shocked.

"It's probably nothing. I'm pretty sure I'm not. I just thought I'd check to be sure."

When we got to Wal-Mart, we wandered around the pharmacy area several times looking for the pregnancy tests. Those suckers are hard to find! K was the one to spot them first, and he came to tell me as I looked on another aisle.

Sure enough, there they were, each one in plastic boxes. There were only a few, and they sat on the top shelf in a small section next to awkward things like condoms and lube (way to keep it real, Wal-Mart!). I stopped at the end of the aisle, hesitant to approach the tests. Two other men were in the aisle (looking at things that weren't pregnancy tests, condoms, or lube). "It's OK, babe. We're married," K said.

We looked at the variety of tests. The rumors were true -- those things are expensive! And there were so many different kinds!

"Wait! I googled this on the way here," I said, reaching for my phone. Still pulled up was a page listing several different kinds of tests and what hormone level is needed to determine if you're pregnant. The early detection tests were more expensive. But since my (largely non-existent) period was last week, we weren't looking at early detection.

We settled for an ept test in the non-digital version, since it was around $12 instead of $20+ (I figured since I was pretty sure this would come back negative, why waste an extra $10?). After grabbing a battery for my keyless entry, we checked out. As we walked out of the store, we admitted that we'd both made sure our wedding rings were very visible to the cashier (actually, I usually just wear my wedding band to the gym, but I'd gone ahead and worn my full wedding set specifically because of the errand).

When we got outside, K said to me, "Can I pee on one?" Leave it to him ...

I wanted to read the directions in the car, but I worried about desanitizing the test. I didn't want to assume the two tests were individually wrapped. We got home, and I headed straight upstairs. I read the directions, and I took the test.

(THE TMI PART)
I didn't want to pee in a cup, so I went the hold-it-yourself route. The instructions said to hold it in the ... [ahem] stream ... for exactly 5 seconds. "12345!" I immediately wondered if I'd counted too quickly.

I waited the 2 minutes the test requires. I didn't look at it at all during that time. 


But after 2 minutes, there was only a faint straight line instead of a plus sign. Negative.

Just to be sure, I checked it again later (and this morning, and tonight). It had been fun thinking of ways to tell K, and since we'll be heading back to Dallas for a wedding later this month, we could've told my family in person.

But at least this way, we can still follow the plan for the vitamins and such that we decided on a few weeks ago. And since the test purchase had ruined any surprise I could've enjoyed sharing with K, it'll be nice to be a little more ready later.

Before we find ourselves in that position, I'll be making a trip to Target!