Before K, in every long-term relationship I was in, I'd catch myself from time to time looking at a guy friend or a guy I'd see around often and thinking, "I wonder what it would be like to date him."
Since I met K, though, thoughts like that have not been a problem. I can see attractive guys and know they would be someone I would have been interested in had I not met K, but that's as far as the thoughts go. I can look at a guy, think he's attractive (maybe even drool a little, in a couple cases of extreme gorgeousness and, once, even an Australian accent) and wonder if I have a single friend who I could hook him up with. And that's the end of it.
It's been over two months since I last saw K, and I'm not even to the halfway point of getting to see him again. I think the knowledge that there's still sooooooo much left to go makes things that much harder. It's not easy to be away from your husband that long.
As I did when he was in Afghanistan, I've been filling a lot of my time with going to the gym. I've been working out there for over two years. In all the time I've spent at the gym, I've noticed that there are some pretty attractive men who work out there. I never checked them out, though -- I would just glance at them, think, "He's cute," and be on with my workout.
Until lately.
It all started when Jeremy and I were on the ellipticals one night. There was a guy working out on a machine near us. I'd seen him at the gym many, many times and thought he was cute, but I never gave him a second thought. I pointed out to Jeremy how this guy looked kind of like the new Ja.mes Bond in Cas!no Royale. I had noted the likeness to myself many times, but saying it aloud changed things for some reason.
The rest of that workout, I kept glancing at this guy from the corner of my eye. When I left the gym, I thought about him the rest of the day. I couldn't believe it: I had a crush.
I was relieved when I realized the next day that the crush had subsided. I decided it must've been some 24-hour thing. Whatever made it go away, I was glad it was gone. In the month or so since then, though, I've had another realization: I have started checking out guys at my gym (besides Ja.mes Bond guy). *hanging head in shame*
I would never, ever in a million years do anything to hurt K, especially cheat on him. I would absolutely not be able to live with myself if I ever did something that stupid. (Just so you know, I completely believe that emotional affairs outside your relationship are a form of cheating on your significant other.)
But I know this "checking out"/crush thing will never go beyond my junior high gazes. I still felt the need to get it off my chest, so I called ER and made my confession. Once it was all out there, I gave a heavy sigh.
"Do you feel better now?" she asked me.
"No!" I admitted. "I thought I would, but I don't."
"It's perfectly fine," she said to me. "Besides, you're deprived."
"I am deprived."
The whole situation reminds me of a quote my cousin once said when we were teenagers: "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't have a look at the menu."
7 comments:
It's obviously normal to notice other good-looking guys, so I wouldn't feel bad about finding someone else attractive. I only think it can be dangerous if you let yourself keep looking and let yourself dwell on visions of someone else. I think we're all capable of doing things we don't think we'd ever do, and it always starts somewhere. I'm definitely with you on the emotional affair thing, too.
Oh sweetie, that's totally normal. Especially with your hubby overseas!!! You are Human! As long as you're just looking I think it's no big deal.
first off, i love your cousins quote. i agree with courtney and was going to say something along the same lines. i think it's totally normal to look at guys and have innocent crushes, esp cute ones in the gym.
completely normal and devastating all at the same time to know you are looking but not because you don't love your husband but because your husband isn't here to LOOK AT!
What a roller coaster ride deployments are.
I agree with everyone else. Totally normal. And since you have your eyes wide open to the dangers of emotional affairs, I don't think the fact that you're noticing hot guys is something to be concerned about. It's one thing to notice and appreciate an attractive man (and at the gym it's hard not to!) and another to give them a starring role in your mental movie collection!
This still happens to me once in a while, too, and we are coming up on a very happy twelve year anniversary next month. I don't panic; I just turn my thoughts back to the one I love, the one I choose, the one I know, who knows me. When I start thinking about all we've shared together, it pretty much stomps any fledgling stranger-crushes into the dust!
(I liked how you called it "a 24-hour thing"--it IS sort of like catching a cold!)
That is normal but I can understand how you feel about "confessing". I had this strange situation at the grocery store once where this guy went out of his way to let me go in front of him and I said thank you and he was all like, "anything for you!" and he was really cute. I was sort of embarrassed because all I could think was, yeah I still got it! I've also had some dreams that I don't know why I have. I just keep them to myself. I did tell my girlfriends about the grocery store and they laughed at me because they could tell in my voice that I thought it was wrong. :)
So brave of you to confess! Perfectly normal though. I think all the time whenever I see all the stuff that my husband collects that I could still be single & have a nice neat apartment of my own! Of course, I love him, but who doesn't have thoughts like that occasionally?!
FYI... I am so with you on the Australian accent. Doesn't matter what the guy looks like, that accent will melt me!
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