At least that's off my to-do list, right?

(Cont'd from here.)

After church, I had some errands to run: 1) Score awesome tennis shoes on sale. 2) Check out sale at A.nn T.aylor L.oft.

I got my awesome tennis shoes, and then I headed to the mall for errand No. 2. I came into the mall from a different entrance than usual, and it's a different mall than the one I usually go to because it's the mall that's closer to my church. Still, I've been there several times.

I drove around the mall until I came to the general area where I usually park. As I turned to drive through the spaces in the correct direction, some girl who was cutting across the parking lot and evidently trying to break a world record in the process nearly hit me. (I cut through my fair share of parking lots, but not that quickly, and I definitely yield to the people who are driving through the lot correctly!) After I'd parked my car, I was nearly hit by another idiot driver who was speeding toward the main entrance. I hadn't stepped out in front of his car, but he was headed toward me pretty fast. After running those 2 1/2 miles Friday night, my calves were too sore in my heels to jog across the lot so he could get to Sears 20 seconds faster, so I gave him a dirty look. To be 100% positive I did have the right of way, I looked for the crosswalk. Sure enough, it was just a few feet to my right.

Safe inside the mall, I headed straight for the directory so I could find the stores I needed and head home. I went to A.nn T.aylor, and I wasn't pleased with what was left. Everything I tried on made me look like a frumpy 50-year-old librarian (NOTE: I do not think 50-year-olds, librarians or 50-year-old librarians are frumpy, which is why I included all three of those words in the description.) who was trying to get in touch with her younger side again. Being a 24-year-old with a smaller chest, I can get away with showing a little more skin than these shirts. I was looking for a cute but classy tank top or halter. None could be found at that particular A.nn T.aylor yesterday.

I went to a few other stores, and after I was about to give up, I found a nice shirt on sale at The Limited. Perfect. Now, I could go home.

I walked to the edge of the mall again and exited to the parking lot. Nothing had looked familiar on my walk out. Sure enough, the crosswalk was even in the wrong place. Doh!

I entered the mall again, walked (with sore calves, remember?) to the other side of the mall and exited again. Crosswalk still in wrong place. WTF?

I went back inside and looked at the map. This was not where I came in. I looked for the location where the "You Are Here" sticker had been when I first entered, and I went back to that entrance. It was on the first floor! Silly me -- I was on the second. I had forgotten I'd climbed an escalator when I came in.

So I exited the mall and headed toward the direction of my car. Only it wasn't there.

I walked around, clicking my little panic button on my key. Nothing. I walked around, and around, and around. I knew I had to have looked like an idiot to the people driving through the parking lot. They were all surely laughing at me, in the comfort of their own cars, as I hobbled around with my calves that were sore enough without my wearing heels (I knew I should've worn ballet slippers today!).

I called ER, but she didn't answer. I called her over 5 minutes later, but she still didn't answer. I called Jeremy. "I can't go to the gym tonight," I told him.

"OooooK. Why?"

"Because I don't think I'm ever going to get home," I told him. "I'm at the mall, and I can't find my freakin' car."

"Do you think someone stole it?" he asked.

"No, I'm pretty sure I just forgot where I parked. I already went out two other exits before this one. Pretty sure this one's all me."

"You can't find it anywhere?"

"No. I almost hope someone stole it, though, so I'm not just some idiot who lost her car. I'm 24, not 84. But it would be pretty crappy if I couldn't find it and it got stolen."

I saw a security car drive by. I tried to catch the driver, but she (being the great security guard she was) drove right on by me, oblivious. I hung up with Jeremy and called the number on the side of the vehicle. The dispatcher in mall security told me he'd have the driver turn around. Two minutes later, I was getting frustrated. It shouldn't take two minutes for a car to turn around.

Jeremy had already called me to see if my luck had changed.

I continued my search, clicking my panic button over and over. I got excited when I heard a car honk when I clicked the button on my key. Just to be sure, I clicked it again. Damnit! It was someone else's car.

Over the time I walked through the parking lot, that happened to me a few times. I even helped another woman figure out where her car was. But she didn't help me back!

Finally, the security guard came back around again. I was standing almost in the road, looking right at her. She drove right past me. "HELLO?!!" I called, waving my arms. The woman stopped. "I'm the one who called for you," I told her. I climbed into her car and explained my situation to her: "I feel like such an idiot, but I can't find my car. I have no idea where it is."

We started driving around, looking for it. "This happens all the time," she told me.

"To people under the age of 50?"

"You'd be surprised," she said.

"Well, this is the first time I've ever done anything close to this," I said.

She started asking me questions: Do you remember what area you parked? Do you remember if you went in through a store? Did you go to a store as soon as you got in? What kind of car do you drive? What color?

We drove through the lot where I had been walking, and we couldn't find my car. We headed to the next main entrance, which really wasn't far north of where I had just wandered aimlessly for the past 30 minutes.

I knew I hadn't parked in this lot, but we drove around it anyway. We had gone through a couple of rows when I spotted a beautiful bright red to my right. It was my car.

Wow.

I thanked the woman and got out of her car and into mine as quickly as I could. ER had returned my call while I was meeting the security guard, so I called her back.

"I think I have a brain tumor," I told her.

"What?"

"Well, you know how I always had an awesome memory? How I could remember such random details about things?"

"Yeah ..."

"I used to be a good speller too," I said. "I was in the spelling bee in the fourth grade and the eighth grade. I was good. But not anymore. In fact, I misspelled 'forty' a few months ago. Forty!!! Even first-graders know how to spell 'forty'!

"And I just spent the last hour trying to leave the mall. Turns out it's really hard to do when you can't remember where you left your car!"

"I'm sure you just have a lot on your mind," she said.

"What is my problem?!" I asked her. At that point, I was starting to cry.

"It's been a crazy few months for you," ER told me. She pointed out that there have been a lot of big changes in my life, and although many of them have been good, they've been big. "Plus with K gone, you're probably just stressed out."

"I don't feel stressed out."

"Well, probably with the holidays and everything, you've been so busy you haven't had a chance to realize you're stressed. You've got a lot on your mind, and you might not be sleeping well --"

"I know I'm not sleeping well," I told her. "I go to bed too late, and I don't sleep well once I get to sleep."

"A lack of sleep affects your memory!" she said. "Not to mention stress."

Her diagnosis made sense, but I was still frustrated about the whole afternoon. We talked a little longer, and I felt better about things after we hung up.

Then, I remembered this event from when K was in Afghanistan. Now it all made sense.

I was glad I had cancelled on the gym. I took the night to myself to get some much-needed rest and relaxation. I took a 45-minute nap on my couch, then got a few things done around my apartment. I was in bed by 9:30, and I shut off my computer a little after 10.

My mind wasn't so willing to rest, though. I couldn't quiet my thoughts enough to get to sleep. I was in that not-quite-awake, not-really-asleep state for a few hours. At one point, Piper, who was lying near the foot of my bed, farted, and that woke me up. (Yes, it actually made noise. I laughed at her.)

When I woke up this morning, I knew I hadn't slept well. Still, just lying there doing nothing had done me some good. I could feel a difference that the amount of relaxation had made. Even though the quality of sleep hadn't been good, the quantity made me feel rested. It was actually kind of pathetic to realize that even a bad but long night's rest could do me some good. I guess that's how bad I needed it.

And since it seems I have to have one really stupid moment each time K is deployed, at least it's out of the way now.

I told K about the ATM blunder while he was in Afghanistan, but this story I think I'll save for when he's back for good. I don't want him worried that his wife is falling apart back home. Plus, I'm sure by then, it'll be a hell of a lot funnier even to me.

The good part of my weekend

This weekend actually went by really fast. I can't believe it's over!

Friday after work, I headed over to ER's to have dinner with her, her boyfriend and her parents. Her parents live insanely far away, and they were home for Christmas. ER fixed a delicious dinner, and we hung out and visited for a while, watching one of the bowl games that was on TV.

ER and I were finally able to exchange Christmas gifts. She got me some personalized stationery with my new name on it. I love it! When I opened it, I had to laugh. I had told her about a month ago about really wanting some personalized stationery. We had had a little bazaar at work, and several people had booths selling their arts & crafts and goodies. One girl had some adorable personalized stationery, and looking at it made me realize I had to have some. I did some searching and found a website that had some I really liked. I told ER I was thinking about ordering it.

"Is it from Amer!can Stat!onery?" she asked me. I told her I thought it was. "I've ordered some stuff from them before. They're good."

Well, I ordered the stationery, but the funny part is that the "stuff" ER had ordered from them was my Christmas present! When she relayed that story to me, I said, "You know me better than I do!"

I had stuffed myself from ER's delicious meal and some yummy cake that her boyfriend had brought back from Christmas with his family (his mom is a freelance baker!). I was looking forward to just going home and watching a movie and maybe even going to bed early. I made the mistake of calling Jeremy, who had called me while I was at ER's.

"Wanna go running tonight?" he asked me.

"No!" I said bluntly and without hesitation.

"OK. So I'll see you here at 9:30?"

I sighed. I had eaten a ton of food, but I hadn't worked out in over a week. "Fiiiiiiiiiiine," I groaned.

We ran 2 1/2 miles. Not bad, considering I'd only run one other time with him a couple weeks ago (not counting running on a treadmill as opposed to the elliptical a few times over the last month).

ER and I had made plans to get up early Saturday morning and go shopping. I was determined to find designer jeans I loved, and I was also determined to find them at an outlet mall. I wasn't in love with any I tried on, so I decided I'd just spend the extra $50 later on to buy them at full price with the help of a salesperson who knows everything about the jeans. I found three cute shirts instead and spent just under $35. I considered the trip a success anyway, since I needed some more shirts, and everything I bought was on sale!

Jeremy talked me into going to the gym again. I told him he was a sucky gym partner because he won't let me lay around like I want to. Once I got to the gym, though, I felt great. We did a full-body circuit since it had been over a week since either of us had set foot in the gym. It was an awesome workout. We made our usual trip to the sauna afterward.

As we sat in there waiting to start sweating, we chatted as usual. I told Jeremy I hadn't heard from K at all -- not even an email -- since Christmas. "You mean three days ago, plus today?" He asked. I was surprised. It felt like it had been a week. Thinking of it that way made it seem different.

"I bet he calls tonight," he said. I glanced up at the clock. It was after 4:30, which meant it was after 1:30 a.m. Sunday in Ir@q. K would surely be in bed. But maybe he'd call when he had free time that morning, which would be late at night or just after midnight here. Just a few minutes later, though, I saw my phone, which I always prop up outside just in case, light up. I was getting a call! I could tell by the weird number that it was K.

He had just gotten in from a patrol. We were able to talk for a while -- at least 45 minutes, I think. He sounded really good.

After we got off the phone, I rushed into the shower and off to run a couple errands before heading to ER's again. A group of us was meeting up for dinner there and to watch a couple movies. I was definitely in great spirits after my conversation with K. ER had noticed a difference when I'd called her before I headed over. When I told her I'd talked to him, she said, "I thought you sounded really upbeat!"

The group of us hung out for several hours, but I was back home by 10:45. I was looking forward to going to bed pretty early, but I wound up talking to CG, who just moved to Hawaii. We talked for over an hour. By the time I went to bed, it was after 12:30.

I got up early this morning and went to church. It was a nice, uplifting service -- the kind I really could have used a couple weeks ago. We sang cheerful Christmas music, and the sermon had to do with to-do lists, which are so up my alley!

I hate to make this a to-be-continued blog, but if I go on with the rest of my day, this entry might reach novel status (like I haven't had entries like that before!). Besides, what happened after church was a clear message from my body that it was time for me to slow down, relax and catch up on sleep. It's after 10, and I had intended to be asleep by then. Once you read about the rest of the day, you'll understand why. Or feel really sorry for me because it's pretty pathetic.

But you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out exactly how pathetic.

One month down, 14 to go

Today marks one month from when K left. One month.

It feels like so much longer than that. And I have to do it 14 more times.

The first month is supposed to be the hardest. It's the biggest adjustment period, the days where you're getting used to the idea of such a long separation, and you're figuring out ways to keep yourself occupied and trying to find your routine again.

It's amazing how K and this deployment always manage to stay in the back of my mind. Every once in a while something happens that makes me realize I've been thinking about it all along, no matter what I'm doing. The times K has called me early, early in the day (like 1:30 or 2 a.m.) when I'm in an absolute dead sleep, it's surprising when I gather my thoughts to realize that even though my brain has just clicked as far as what woke me up, my subconscious has already ordered my arm to answer the phone.

A few times (thankfully, it's been almost two weeks since this last happened), I've found myself in an unusually quiet mood. For some reason I can't figure out, I just feel withdrawn and a little down. Sometimes, people I'm around (co-workers, friends) have asked me what's wrong or why I'm being so quiet. I have to be honest and tell them I have no idea. It's frustrating not knowing why my mood is so off so randomly, but I can only guess at those times that it has something to do with missing K -- especially since this isn't something I usually experience.

Now that the holiday season is ending, I'm hoping I'll really be able to get my routine back in order. I'm making a few plans here and there, so I have things to look forward to that are coming up, but I'm also looking forward to having time to just relax. I've been making plenty of care packages for K (just sent one this morning!). I've even been reading several mil.itary w!fe books I found on Amazon. I've stayed in touch with other Ar.my wives and fiances who are friends of mine and K's, so it's been nice to have them to talk to, since we're all going through this together.

And then there are those random surprises I encounter. Just last weekend when I was home for Christmas, I ran into a woman who came into my dad's store pretty often when I was growing up. Her son was just about my age, and I didn't realize it, but he went into the military. She came by the store while I was there for Christmas, and we chatted for a while about her son, his time overseas and what she went through while he was gone. It was all very familiar. She gave me her business card with her email address on it and told me to stay in touch.

Not to mention the two friends of friends who are mil.itary w!ves and know what I'm going through and -- in two separate cases, both after hearing from my friends about K being deployed -- asked for my contact info so they could let me know they're here in case I need to talk to someone who knows what it's like to go through a deployment.

There are also all the supportive comments from all of you who read my blog. Those, along with co-workers and friends who always ask how K is doing and tell me they're praying for him, really make a difference. I had people tell me after K got back from Afghanistan that they were never sure if they should ask about K or not, so I make sure to thank people when they ask me how he's doing. It's not like I've forgotten he's gone, and the fact that they haven't either really means a lot. It means they care.

These next 14 months will bring with them many challenges, tests and growth, I'm sure, but those unexpected outreaches have been so uplifting. The comfort they have brought (and will continue to bring) will no doubt make my time away from K so much easier.

Is life ever going to slow down?

My Christmas was really relaxing. I went home to OK to see my dad, grandparents and my dad's girlfriend. My brother flew in from North Carolina, so we were all together again.

I went to OK after work on Friday, which had (disappointingly enough) turned out to be a full day for me (I had thought I'd get off work early). I went to lunch on Saturday with my high school boyfriend's mom, who has been like a second mom to me since I was 17. When we walked outside after our two-hour lunch, I was excited to see snowflakes falling from the sky!

I rushed home and took Piper outside. I made sure to film it on my digital camera so K could see her reaction to the weird white stuff falling from the sky. I took a few cute pictures of her playing in it. To be honest, I don't think it was enough for her to really be confused or excited about what was going on. She did enjoy the freedom of running around in my dad's fenced-in yard with no leash, though. At least K will most likely be here for Piper's real first time in accumulated snow.

Sunday was my dad's 50th birthday. We went to church and then to his store for a late breakfast. He and his girlfriend (who works there too) had quite a bit of work to do to prepare for Christmas orders the next day, so we were there for a few hours. After that, it was pretty relaxing. My dad made his awesome steak (no one can grill 'em better than a butcher!), and we watched The Bourne Supremacy (my brother and I had gotten Dad the boxed set for his birthday, and since my dad had bugged his girlfriend for so long about renting the movies because he hadn't seen them, we had given him his present early and watched The Bourne Identity the previous night) after.

Monday was spent at the store again for a large part of the day. We closed early, though, so we got to relax at home that night. On Christmas Day, we opened presents at about 9:30. We had a nice Southern breakfast of bacon, eggs, and biscuits and gravy for breakfast. As I was washing the dishes (I volunteered), K's dad called me. Since his family was all together, they passed the phone from person to person so I could have a quick conversation with everyone. In a matter of a few minutes, I had managed to talk to K's dad, brother, cousin, cousin's wife, great aunt and one of his aunts. It was good to hear from them all.

That afternoon, we headed to my grandparent's house. My cousins were in with their spouses, and all my aunts and uncles were in. The only person missing was K.

He actually called me right after dinner. He only had 30 minutes to talk, and he had used part of that time to call his family. I had expected that, since his family was all together, so I knew we wouldn't get to talk long. He sounded good, though, and it was great to hear his voice again.

My family got plenty of time with Piper. My brother thinks she's pretty cool, and my cousin's husband wants to kidnap her for himself. My dad actually seems to think of her as a granddaughter, which is funny and actually cute. (At one point during the weekend, my dad left the house to run an errand. Piper had followed him to the door, and she started whining when he pulled out of the driveway. She's only done that with K, me and one or two of my co-workers she really likes.)

Before I knew it, it was time for me to pack up my car and head back to Dallas, since I had to work on Wednesday. I was surprised how sad I felt to be leaving the house. It had been nice to see everyone again, but getting back in my car and making the drive home somehow made me miss K more. Maybe it's because you're supposed to spend Christmas with your family, and that very important part of my family was not there.

It was a good trip, though, and even though I was sad to see it come to an end, I was ready to get back to my own home. It was hard to get up and go to work on Wednesday. It was rainy out, and I knew a lot of people would be off work that day. I called my dad on my drive to work, and he told me it was snowing in Oklahoma. In fact, they managed to get about 3 inches that day. Go figure, I missed it by a day!

Yesterday was really slow at work, but today picked up. In fact, I'm even having to work from home tonight so I can finish a project and hopefully not have to work late tomorrow. Don't these people know you're not really supposed to work the week between Christmas and New Year's?!

Merry Christmas!

I'm in OK for the holidays. Sorry it's been so long since I last blogged. Last week was a hectic week! Work was busy, and so were my weeknights, with trying to get everything done for Christmas and packing up to come home for a few days.

It'll probably still be a couple more days before I make an appearance on here. Hope ya'll have a very merry Christmas and that you're with the ones you love.

See you in a few days!

The disgustingness continues (don't read while eating!)

I thought it was bad enough when Piper was eating dog poop. I've been very relieved to find her cravings seem to have been pretty short-lived. I did catch her with some in her mouth yesterday, but that was the first time in a few weeks. For the most part, she seems to be done with that. Whew.

As glad as I was to see that phase end, I'd definitely have chosen that reaction to dog waste instead of the reaction she had this morning.

I was trying to leave my apartment early enough to stop off at the post office before work. I had a care package to send to K, and I knew there would be about 1.5 billion procrastinators heading to that same destination today to mail off Christmas packages they should have sent off yesterday at the latest. I was doing pretty well with my goal of leaving early. I finished getting ready a good 20 minutes before I usually do.

I took Piper outside so she could do her thing before I put her in my car. She took her dear sweet time going to the bathroom, and once she had finally gone, I cleaned it up and headed toward the dumpster with the ... well, you know. Anyway, I turned around to see Piper had stopped behind me. She dropped to the ground and started rolling around in one spot. "You're disgusting!" I called back at her, since I thought she was rolling around in another dog's urine. Ick.

I got back to my car and instructed Piper to climb in, like I do every morning. She climbed into my passenger's seat and turned toward me. I was horrified to see something brown on her neck, the bottom of her ear and part of her leg. Then, I noticed a stench.

"OHMYGOSHPIPERYOU'REDISGUSTING!!! GET OUT OF MY CAR! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" She looked at me, confused, and jumped out of my car. I led her up the stairs to my apartment and opened the door. I walked her straight to my kitchen as I tried to figure out what to do with her.

Clearly, she needed a bath. I had no time for that. I could give her a quick spot treatment, cleaning just that side of her body. But I still would need to use shampoo. Lots of it. Even then, I'd probably still not want to touch her contaminated fur.

I cleaned as much off of her as I could with a paper towel. She smelled absolutely disgusting. I told her this several times. I was left with only one choice: leave her at home. I put her in her little crate, made sure she had some toys with her, and left my apartment.

I headed to the post office, frustrated that I'd have to go back home during lunch to take her outside. Do I stay and work from home after that? Do I try to bathe her on my break? Do I just leave her in her crate again and come back to work?

When I got to the post office, I saw the enormous line of people waiting to mail packages. Ugh. K's package would have to wait.

I had checked my mail earlier that morning to see that I had gotten quite a few Christmas cards since last Thursday (the last time I checked my mail). I opened each of them. The last was from K's roommate's fiance. It had a picture inside of her and him. It made me miss them. And then I was crying.

I had decided somewhere in my morning errands and commute that I was going to have to work from home the rest of the afternoon. That normally wouldn't be such a big deal, but today, it was frustrating. I had flowers to enjoy at my desk. I had worn my Army w!fe shirt, and I didn't want to waste it on a working-from-home day.

I made myself think of some reasons that change in plans will be good: 1) I won't have to deal with the evening commute. 2) I can get my hair cut at the time I'd normally be stuck in traffic in said commute. Which means I can still go to the gym afterwards! 3) I can try to mail the package again at lunch. 4) I can do laundry while I'm working. 5) People will see my awesome shirt at the salon, the post office and Pet$mart, which is where I've decided Piper will go to get her bath. I don't have time to give her one when she really needs it, and I can have her nails clipped while she's there as well. Taking her for the clipping was on my to-do list for the week anyway.

While it does feel better to have realized the good parts of the change in plans, it was still (quite literally) a very crappy way to start my day.

I have the best husband ever

Today at work, I was very pleasantly surprised to get this from Kevin:



















Partly because I like to share, partly because I wanted to send photos to K so he could see how they turned out, and partly because I'm a huge dork who loves getting flowers so much I have to take pictures of them so they'll last forever, now you can enjoy them along with me:

Are you surprised?

Guess who got busy again? And guess who's doing another one of those giant catch-up posts with headers?

Guess I should've been more specific
K and I tried the whole webcam thing again Monday night. I was sure to leave the gym by 9:30 so I'd have plenty of time to get home and maybe even shower before talking to K online. A few minutes before 10, I was at my computer logging on. I turned up my speakers and busied myself with watching The Hills (thank goodness Spencer & Heidi are finally OVER!) while I waited for him to log on.

K signed on at about 10:20. We started trying to connect with our webcams. It was exciting when I could actually hear him and another one of our friends who was in the room with him. I couldn't believe it -- this was actually working!

For a few seconds, anyway. The audio started doing this weird thing where it was skipping every few syllables of K's and repeating a few others. The result sounded like a rap song. When the video actually came up, it was exciting to see K.

And then I realized how bad the video was. Parts of the screen were getting jumbled from the delay of K's not-so-quick Internet connection.

We tried Sky.pe and W!ndows L!ve Me.ssenger. WLM seemed to be the better of the two for us, but it was still frustrating.


The other nights of the week
Reread the above mini-post, but be sure to add @Ol to it as well. We definitely tried all of them many, many times.

We tried using just video. We tried using just the microphones. We tried using the webcam and the microphones at the same time. We did all of that on each messenger service. And each time, after about an hour of trying, we gave up and just went back to typing.

Last night, we realized K can hear and see me clearly and with no problem, so we used the microphones and allowed just my webcam. It was still hard to hear K with the delay, but it was too good to hear each other's voices to fully switch to regular old-fashioned IM.


The first care packages/It's a good thing she's so cute
I got an email from K's FRG (f@mily readiness group -- they keep families informed and serve as a support system while the soldiers are gone) telling us we're finally cleared to send care packages over. Because K's battery had classes and training in other areas before getting to their final base, their address wasn't registered until Tuesday.

This meant that the night I got the email, I stayed home from the gym and got packages ready to send to K. We originally weren't supposed to be able to send anything until this weekend, so I had thought I had more time. I had put some things K wanted me to send him (his Wii, Guitar Hero, some socks & undershirts that I had washed for him, since they were dirty when he left) in boxes, but I still had things to add with them. I had to write a letter to go with the boxes, and I had to put some goodies in there for him, too, so he would feel loved.

One thing about K is that many Tuesdays each year find him at the store buying new movie releases. Last Tuesday is one I know was waiting for: the release of The Bourne Ultimatum (AWESOME movie!). I bought the limited-edition version, just like K would have, but I converted it to an .mp4 so he could put it on his iPod and so I could burn it to a DVD. That way, if the DVD gets lost, scratched, or borrowed and not returned, it won't be a big deal.

Piper was sitting on my bed and had realized she could see her reflection in my bathroom mirror, which was down a short hallway several feet away. She was barking and growling at herself, and I was laughing at her for being such an idiot.

I went back to my computer to finish burning the DVD. I turned to look at Piper and immediately stopped laughing when I saw she was peeing on my bed. I guess she really felt threatened by the strange dog she was growling at. Stupid dog.

I was up until almost 3 that night, thanks in part to the new loads of laundry I had to do because of Piper. I had just changed my sheets the night before, so I hadn't washed the other set yet.

I went to the post office the next morning to mail all the packages. There were four. K should feel loved by that. I'm sending him another one Monday morning. This one will be a "real" care package, though, with things I make and buy for him instead of things he needed me to send because he couldn't fit them in with everything he had to pack for the deployment.


And now for the weekend plans
As I type this, all three of my roommates from my senior year are on their way here. They're coming to spend the weekend with me, and I'm really excited. The four of us don't all get to hang out very often, so we always have a blast when we do.

But two of them have never been to my apartment. And because I think it's necessary for my entire apartment to be absolutely spotless when people see it for the first (and second, and third) time, I have got to get back to my organizing and cleaning.

I only blogged tonight because I was inches away from my computer, shredding old checks that were taking up room in a shoe box in my closet. Clearly, they have to be disposed of tonight. If the girls happen to look in my closet now, they'll be jealous of how orderly and nice everything is. It's amazing how much room a shoebox can take up!

At least I got to see him!

Remember those webcams K and I got each other for Christmas? Well, now that he's finally able to get things settled in his own room, we're able to use them. We talked for a little bit on IM early this afternoon and planned a time that we would both be able to log on and use them for the first time -- 10 p.m. for me (7 a.m. tomorrow for him).

I was at my computer at 9:30 logging on to two different instant messengers so I'd be sure to catch him as soon as he signed on. He logged on shortly after 10:15. As soon as I heard the alert that he'd signed on, I ran to my computer to talk to him, eager to use the webcam.

I got a message that he was trying to connect the video call with me. I accepted and waited as patiently as I could for his webcam image to pop up. He told me I was up on his screen, but it took another try before he showed up on mine.

But suddenly, there he was.

We tried talking (our webcams have built-in microphones), but no such luck. Neither of us heard a thing. We each checked the volume of our microphones and our speakers, but we still heard nothing.

It was disappointing to have technical difficulties get in the way, but it was good to see him. For the first few minutes I was able to see him, though, he looked stressed and tired. He was putting his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes and running his hand over his head. He told me he already had some soldier drama he was going to have to brief the colonel about. It was hard to see him so stressed.

But after we finally gave up hope on troubleshooting our microphones and just enjoyed chatting online and being able to see each other, he was right back to the regular old K, showing that same smile and the facial expressions I have absolutely fallen in love with over the last two-and-a-half years.

We talked for about 30 minutes before he had to sign off. I'm still disappointed we weren't able to get the microphones working, but it was so, so nice to be able to see each other through the webcams. When we get everything working properly, it'll be absolutely amazing!

Me too!

I saw this today on Po$tsecret. I hope 27 years from now, K and I (and our children) can say the same thing.

Hard Sunday

Yesterday, it was about 80 degrees in Dallas. Today, it was around 40. It was raining or drizzling through much of the morning. When I left for church, I was in the mood to hear some slower songs. The radio wasn't quite fitting my mood, so I turned to my CDs to listen to Ca.rrie Und.erwood. Instead of either of her albums, though, it was How.ie Da.y who came up on my CD changer. I love that album, and I hadn't listened to it in a long time, so I didn't change the music.

That album, though, is one that makes me think of K. It's pretty much our CD, really. The first time he came to visit me in Dallas, he showed up at my doorstep with three yellow roses (since yellow's my favorite color) and three CDs, one of which was How.ie Da.y. It actually turned out to be my favorite CD. Since that day in July 2005, we've listened to it many times together.

So hearing it this morning was a little sad. It made me miss K, but I was doing OK. I was a little teary-eyed a couple times, but not enough to make me switch to another CD.

I got to church, ready to be uplifted by a great Christmas-y sermon. Instead, I listened to a choir singing slow songs in minor keys, and the sermon was about darkness: how dark the world is today (the Om@ha shootings were brought up, as were a few others from the past), how it's the darkest time of the year and how we're even approaching the shortest day of the year. Honestly, I can't even remember the point of the whole sermon. I was too busy trying not to cry during it because instead of being uplifted, I was being reminded of more sad things. Awesome.

When the sermon finished, the choir sang another slow, minor-key song. At that point, I cried out, "Gah!" in frustration and dropped my little church program on the pew in frustration. ER, who was sitting beside me, asked me what was wrong. I told her how I had been sad to begin with, and how the depressing music and sermon about darkness had not helped the situation. As I explained those things to her, I started crying.

"Great, now my eyes are going to be red."

I had successfully fought off the tears earlier in church, so I tried to get them to stop again. This time, though, no luck. I was more frustrated by the fact that I hadn't been able to get my hair to cooperate that morning, so I'd had to pull it back. And I was wearing heels. Which meant I was towering above everyone, and I couldn't hide behind my hair.

ER got up to take Communion, and I stayed in the pew like I always do. While she was up, I looked at my phone, which had been on vibrate. I had three missed calls and a new voice message. I could tell by the weird number that it was K. The fact he had left a voice message probably meant he was telling me he'd just give me a call the next day. Obviously that didn't help me stop crying.

By the time ER joined me again at the pew, I wiped my eyes and realized my fingers were turning black. "Great, my mascara is running now," I said to ER. It's hard enough to mask the fact you're crying when your eyes are red and your face looks like a punching bag without adding the black streaks all over your face.

"Do you want to leave?" ER asked. I admitted I did, and we got up and quickly left the church. Luckily, our exit was timed perfectly with the people getting up for Communion at the back rows of the church. All we missed was singing the last hymn as the pastors and readers left the room.

We went straight to ER's car, and I checked my voice message from K. He said, "I just realized you're probably in church, so I'll call you in about a half-hour. Don't be upset." That part made me smile. ER had pointed out that it was neat that at the point I had started crying was the same time as he had called. "At the same time you were really thinking about him, he was thinking about you," she said.

We headed to the mall for a nice little distraction. I was able to cross another present off my list of Christmas gifts after a quick trip to Bath & Body Works. ER and I spent the rest of the time just looking around and chatting. It was nice and relaxing.

K called me back while we were still there, and I was able to talk to him for more than 20 minutes. He's doing well. He's finally in the area where he is supposed to spend the deployment. He said it's really nice. There's no St@rbucks like at the last base he was at, but K's not a big St@rbucks guy anyway. They do have a nice little coffee shop and a mall with some local stores in it.

K has his own room with a twin-sized bed, a couch, a computer desk and a locker for a closet. He says it's a lot like a dorm room setup. He's going to send my pictures of it. The commander of the battery whose place K's battery is taking gave K his TV, so he'll have that too. It makes me happy to know he'll be as comfortable as possible in the place he'll be living for the next 15 months.

After mall time with ER and especially after the phone call from K, my day got much better. I know there will be rough times through this deployment. Today was my first one, really (You can't count the day they leave. It's impossible for that one to be easy.). I'm happy to say this one only lasted for a couple hours. I know there will be more, but it's good to know that not only do they not have to ruin my entire day, but I don't have to go through them alone, either.

I don't even know his last name

I had my first massage today from the gift certificate K got me for Christmas. It was nice, but I think next time will be more relaxing than today. I didn't know what to expect, and it was hard to allow myself to completely enjoy it when I wasn't sure where Mr. Massage Guy was going to be putting his hands next.

It's crazy the things you can think of to be self-conscious about during a massage: Are my legs smooth? Are my feet dry? Ugh, why do I have to have a blister on the bottom of my foot right now? I didn't even think to make sure my deodorant didn't glob on today; I hope he can't see it! Oh, he can probably feel how crooked my fingers are -- great.

I know he's probably massaged dozens and dozens (maybe even hundreds) of people in his career, and he's a professional, but it's hard not to get worked up over things like that while a person is staring at your body as they're rubbing it for an entire 50 minutes.

And that doesn't even include the lower lower back massage or the leg massage portions, during which the sheet was moved to expose one entire cheek at a time. Nerve wracking!

That's pretty much third base, right? I mean, there I am, naked on the table, and the sheet was only covering one half of my gluteus maximus. Which he was touching.

Including Mr. Massage Guy, I don't need all the fingers on one hand to count the number of guys who have seen my bare gluteus maximus (much less grabbed it for 10 straight minutes). All I knew about him was his job and his first name. I was wide awake, so I kept thinking of questions I wanted to ask him: How long have you been doing this? Do your hands get tired after massaging people all day, or do you get used to it? How long did you go to school to learn this? Did you have to get tons and tons of massages before you could learn to do it well yourself (because that would be awesome!)? Do you ever even buy people Christmas gifts, or do you just give massages (because if I were friends with a massage therapist, I'd totally be cool with that!)? Do you ever have stressful days at work? Is it possible to even be stressed out with all the aromatherapy candles, the dim lighting and the relaxing music? When you leave here, are you just really relaxed, or do you have a buildup of aggression because you have to be so relaxed all day long?

I kept my mouth shut, though, because I knew Mr. Massage Guy would tell me I wasn't relaxing if I was asking him all those questions. But I still wanted to know.

As if he didn't already know way more about me than I knew about him, it was surprising to see the things a masseuse can determine about you while he's doing his job. Mr. Massage Guy informed me that I carry my stress in my shoulder blades. Not only was he able to tell me that I grind my teeth, but he even informed me that I grind them very badly. He asked me if I wore a mouth guard when I sleep. When I told him I don't, he tried to peg me as someone who needed to visit the dentist. I thought I had him: I went to the dentist just this past summer, and he said nothing about my teeth grinding. But it's about time for my six-month checkup again, so I guess Mr. Massage Guy's radar even caught that.

After our time was up, Mr. Massage Guy left me alone in the room so I could put my fluffy white robe back on. I felt relaxed, cozy and completely pampered. I was wishing even more that K was here so I could really thank him again for such a thoughtful and perfect gift.

The whole experience was really nice, but it wasn't as relaxing as I had thought it would be. Mr. Massage Guy did a great job, so I know it was my own fault for not letting myself completely enjoy it. I fully expect my next visit to be better, now that I know what to expect. It's just always so nerve wracking getting to third base together the first time!

My conscience cost me $9.07

I wear a watch every day. I rely on my watch every day. So when I glanced at my watch this morning sometime after 9 (but definitely not after 10) only to read that it was 12:20, I knew a visit to W@l-Mart was in my near future.

I left my watch on just because taking it off would no doubt be an uncomfortable experience either because a) I'd feel naked, or b) I'd keep glancing at my bare wrist, waiting for it to tell me what time it was, which could possibly result in someone saying that oh-so-horrid "hair past a freckle" joke in response to my missing watch. Being temporarily misled 50 billion times in one day was definitely the best move.

Immediately after dinner tonight, I headed to W@l-Mart to get my watch battery replaced. I headed straight for the jewelry counter, where a man was waiting behind the counter. I asked him if I could buy a watch battery there.

"Yes," he answered.

"Can you replace the watch battery here too?"

The man asked me what kind of watch I had. "Fossil."

"No, we can't do that," he answered. I don't remember his reason why he couldn't change my battery because instead of listening to him, I was too busy trying to figure out how to ask him if he could just change the battery anyway.

Turns out I didn't have to.

He waved me over to a different area of the counter. I handed him my watch, and he started taking it apart to replace the battery.

"I could get fired for doing this," he told me.

"Really? I won't tell. After all, it is a ... Seiko."

"It is?" he asked, looking up at me from my watch.

"Yes," I said with a wink.

"Really?" he asked me. I glanced down at the back of my watch, which was just below his hands. He was pretty much looking right at it. It had a giant F on it. For "Fossil."

... "No."

He had actually believed me. As he continued working, the man mumbled something that sounded like, "Tell ya what, if you just leave a $5 or $10 bill in one of those brochures over there, I won't charge you for the battery."

"What?!" I asked. Surely I'd heard him wrong. But he repeated just what I thought he'd said.

I had no idea how to respond. "Am I going to get in trouble?"

The man laughed at me. "No."

"Will you get in trouble?" The man told me no one would see it. I was to put the money in a brochure, put the brochure back, and walk off and leave it. At the end of his shift, he'd grab the brochure as he left.

I thought about what he was saying. I could get a free battery, and I'd just have to pay him $5. Not that I had any change; I just happened to have a $20 bill from a trip to the ATM last weekend.

But I couldn't steal.

Then again, it was W@l-Mart. It's not like they'd miss a stupid watch battery.

But it was a dishonest thing to do. A dishonest thing to do at Christmastime. Which is even worse than any other time of the year.

I asked the man how much the battery was. He told me it was $4.07.

I knew that if I left W@l-Mart without paying for that battery, I'd feel bad. Possibly for the rest of my life (After all, I do still feel really bad about the two $1 hair bands I stole when I was in the third grade. My mom asked me where I got them, and I lied and told her I won them in class. The store I stole them from closed most of its stores a few years later.). And $4.07 just isn't worth that strain on my conscience.

I told the man I needed change. "How about I pay for the battery and get change that way?" I asked him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. That way both our consciences can be clear."

"My conscience is clear," he told me. I bit my tongue.

I paid for the battery, and because I felt obligated, I placed a $5 bill in the brochure. I put it back in place, and I walked off to continue my shopping.

I started to feel perturbed about the whole experience. Sure, the man had helped me by changing my battery, but he made me feel obligated to pay him for doing something other than standing there. Not cool. I wanted to go back to the counter and grab the brochure with my $5 bill in it.

But I didn't. Instead, I grabbed the few items left on my list, paid for them and left the store. Even after all that, I had the nagging feeling like I'd done something wrong.

Leave it to me to pay more than twice the cost of the battery to avoid having a guilty conscience, only to leave with (you guessed it) a guilty conscience. That's the last time I go there to get a new watch battery.

My dog is disgusting

As of yesterday, Piper officially eats poop. Ew.

I promise my next post won't be about the deployment

... but I had to share this quick thing. The calendar I have hanging at work is a little mini-calendar with beautiful pictures of gorgeous sunsets. Each month has a little Bible verse or a portion of one over the photo.

I just now happened to really take notice of this month's verse as I glanced at my calendar for a reason I don't even remember. I thought the verse was comforting, given K's deployment last week:

"... the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:8"

One-week marker

Today marks one week into this deployment. I'm still doing well with things, but it really does feel like it's been longer than a week. I've gotten so many wonderful, supportive messages from friends and from fellow bloggers, and it's been really nice to read those.

I've been keeping myself busy with work and getting back into my normal routine. I've been going to the gym again, and it's been nice. It feels like forever since I last went regularly, with all the traveling and preparations with getting ready for K to leave.

Last weekend was nice, too. I had actually started to feel sad when I was driving home from work Friday night. I had worked late, which is never a good way to kick off the weekend, but realizing I wasn't going to see K that weekend made it that much worse. I knew I could either be sad about it or occupy my time in another way. I chose the latter. I stuck around my apartment getting things done, and it was actually nice.

Saturday, I slept in until 10, and then I busied myself with cleaning my entire apartment. I even steam-cleaned my carpet. I hung out with some friends Saturday night to watch the game. I had two work parties that night (one was our end-of-year office party; the other was a co-worker's "holiday party"). I had planned on going to both, but the Big XII cha.mpionship was my priority. It was too good of a game, so I just skipped the party. I made it to my co-worker's party, though, and it was all right. By the time I got there, a lot of people had left, and a large amount of people still there had consumed more than their fair share of alcohol.

By the time I left and completed the drive home, it was after 2 Sunday morning. I had meant to set my alarm so I could get up and get ready for church later on. When I woke up at 10:30 the next morning, I was disappointed that I wouldn't make it. I had forgotten to set my alarm. (Oops!)

When my phone rang shortly after 11 that morning, I was very glad I had forgotten to set my alarm: It was K.

It's been a very pleasant surprise how often we've gotten to communicate so far. Between emails, IM and the phone, we've gotten to talk a bit each day. From the tone of his voice and the mood in his emails and IMs, I can tell he's doing well and in good spirits. And while all this communication doesn't make the time go faster, it definitely makes the distance feel a little less far.

Yay football

If you're not into college football, you might just want to skip this one. :) Or read it and start watching, 'cause you're missing out!

• Weirdest season ever. Who would have thought H@waii would be the only undefeated team at the end of the regular season?!
• Courtney, I am so glad Le$ Mi.les is staying at L$U instead of leaving to coach at Michigan. My repulsion for him makes it all too perfect that he's staying at L$U for a second year, since I like the school about as much as I like him. Since he's not going to Michigan, I can still pull for the Wolverines and see your cute game day pictures with Kyle and still enjoy them!
• The Big XII cha.mpionship game last weekend? Awesome.
  
• The bowl choices? Thumbs down. See, it all goes back to the fact that the BCS hates the Big XII. Proof? Here you go:
• When we played Okl@homa St@te Thanksgiving weekend, we were ranked 10. Yes, they were unranked, but rivalries are literally a whole different ballgame, no matter what rankings the teams enter with. Three teams ranked ahead of us (#1 L$U, #2 Kansas, #9 Oregon) lost that weekend. We killed Okl@homa St@te that Saturday. We moved up one measly ranking. Yeah.
• If we had entered the Big XII Cha.mpionship with a more appropriate ranking, we would have gone into the bowl selections ranked No. 3 or even 2. (I realize No. 4 is still an awesome ranking, but I think we're better than WVU.)
• Then, we would get to go to the national championship and play Oh!o State. That would have been so much fun! I wouldn't have even cared if we won. Just going and playing them would have been a blast.
• This writer is a genius.
• The Georg!a coach is stupid. Seriously stupid. If you watched the bowl selections, surely you agree with me. The BCS has Georg!a ranked 5, which is a really generous ranking. When the coach found out they had been "passed up" for the national championship, the interviewer asked the coach his thoughts. He said he thought that if the BCS was going to require that you win your division to play in the national championship, then the rules should be changed to clearly state that.
  
• OK, that would be swell if Georg!a had actually been invited to play in their conference championship!!! The Bulldog$ were the third-ranked team in its conference. A team that can't even make it to its own conference championship has no right to play in the national championship.
• The sports reporter said at the end of his interview that the Georg!a coach had voted Ohio St@te No. 1 and Georg!a No. 2 in his coach's poll. That alone is proof he needs his head examined.
• Even though I wish things had worked out a little differently for OU, the team to really get the shaft was Missouri. They finished the season ranked No. 6, and they're the only team in the top 10 not going to a bowl game. Kansas, who finished No. 8, is playing in the Cotton Bowl.
  

The BCS sure can get frustrating, but it's still a blast to watch the games and keep up with my team!

The day of the deployment

I've been meaning to get this post out, and today is the first day I've had a chance. Tuesday will mark a week since K left. I think I'm handling it really well, but it still feels like it's been much longer than a week that he's been gone.

We woke up early that Tuesday morning. Even with all the craziness of the week leading up to that day, we still had errands to run. K had to be on post early that day, and we spent over an hour in his office as he tried to get the last few things from the deployment packing list into his bags. Tons of guys in his battery kept coming in and commenting on the things he'd packed and what he'd packed them in ("I didn't think about doing that." "Oh, you decided on that bag? That's a good idea." "Could you get all your stuff in the [insert bag name here]? Yeah, I couldn't either. I had to put mine in my [insert other bag name here].").

We left his office around 9 so K could have his picture taken. He's up for his first look at a promot!on to m@jor while he's in Iraq (There are 3 looks. Evidently it's really hard to get it on your first look, but you want to be ready just in case.). K's second look comes sometime around when he gets back, so he needed to get a photo made in a specific uniform (They have three.) before he left so it would be one less thing to worry about later (Plus, somebody's gotta get it on the first look! K is pretty much a poster boy for the A.rmy -- he even still folds his shirts like they were taught in basic training! -- so I can't imagine who would get it if it isn't him.).

Literally while K was getting his photo made, his phone rang with more work drama. After K was finished with the pictures, we headed straight back to his office so he could do a bit more work and finish up a few final things before he left.

Before I knew it, it was 10:40, which was when K was supposed to start taking his things to the gym, where they were leaving from. He and a couple of the guys made the first trip with K's equipment, and they came back to his office to get the rest. Shortly after 11, we all headed over again for the last time. We stood in a group talking until someone called for everyone to get in a casual formation in the amphitheater to make sure everyone was there.















Those of us who were friends and family members, which included soldiers who weren't leaving that day, stood around watching. I thought the soldiers would be dismissed from the amphitheater, but after several minutes, K came to where I was standing with a few of his friends and had us join him in the amphitheater.




















We sat down on the concrete ledge and waited for them to be called to the buses. Piper was with us, so all these kids kept coming up to try to play with her. Since she's spent so little time around them, she's not used to kids and winds up barking at them most of the time. That was a bit frustrating, since the kids definitely did not get the hint. Also, I didn't want to be distracted from those precious few final minutes I have with my husband for the next 15 months by interruptions from kids wanting to play with our dog. I understood their curiosity, and I guess it was my fault for bringing her, but I really had no choice -- K's apartment was his no longer, and I couldn't very well leave Piper in my car for two hours (I had actually thought about it, but it was too warm. And it's just not nice!).

We sat in the amphitheater for a while -- about an hour. K remembered we hadn't gotten a chance to call some friends of ours we said we'd call that weekend. They were both at work, so he called each of them separately and talked to them for just a couple minutes each. After he hung up with them, he called his dad. While he was on the phone, a man at the bottom of the amphitheater yelled out, "It's time!" and waved everyone toward the buses.

I looked around us, and people who hadn't been crying just five seconds earlier were bawling as if on cue. Children had started screaming and wailing, and people everywhere were hugging, trying to get in as much time as they could before the soldiers had to leave. Several of the soldiers were already heading toward the buses.

K was still on the phone with his dad, who I could tell had passed the phone off to K's brother. I could hear K answering the same unimportant questions he'd just answered with his dad -- the very same questions K had answered when we'd seen them that weekend ("Where are you flying out of?" "Where are you flying to?" The second question was especially annoying because K didn't know the answer and probably wouldn't know until they got to the airport.).

As I watched everyone wiping away tears with Kleenex; saw them hanging onto their soldiers for those final moments for many, many months; heard the children crying and screaming, "Daddy!"; and watched the many who already headed toward the buses, I began to feel very indignant and frustrated that K was stuck on the phone answering such questions.

I wanted to scream and start bawling at the same time. I wanted to jump up and down and tell him to GET. OFF. THE. PHONE! I wished for a cord that I could yank out of an invisible wall to disconnect the conversation. I thought about grabbing the phone from his hand and hanging it up. I knew all those feelings were due to the fact we had so little time, and it was being taken from me.

I moved directly in K's line of sight and said to him very insistently, "Hi. I'm here." My eyes were welling up with tears with everything that was going on around us, my frustration at his family for keeping him on the phone, and the knowledge that we were about to say goodbye for such a long time.

He abruptly got off the phone. All my emotions had rushed into my chest and gotten caught in a giant lump in my throat. An involuntary, sudden deep breath produced a sobbing sound I hoped K hadn't heard in his movement to hug me. I wanted to be strong for him. If I took his leaving too hard, it would make things more difficult for him. It would give him that much more to worry about with his leaving, and maybe even more to worry about while he's in Iraq. The last thing I want to do is cause him to concentrate less on his job there. If he's distracted, he's not safe.

We held each other for a time that went way too quickly. He said in my ear, "It's like you told C@thy yesterday: Now you can start the good countdown -- the countdown to R&R. We'll get to go on a nice vacation. It'll be awesome. It'll be here before you know it." (C@thy is his roommate's fiance. His roommate had left the day before.)

Almost everyone was heading toward the buses by then, so K had to gather his things and follow them. I lost him in the sea of uniforms, but I thought our time for goodbye had passed. I walked through a line of soldiers waiting to go through a building before they loaded the buses. Families were waiting next to the soldiers as they stood in line. I turned to look for K so I could stand with him, but it was impossible to find him -- too many people were in the exact same uniform.

I went to the back of the line and followed it forward to see if I could spot him. When I didn't see him, I decided to just wait by the buses and hope I could find him there. The trouble was, I didn't know which bus he'd be on.

As I was trying to decide where I could stand and have the best odds of seeing him, I passed one of our friend's wives. She was wearing sunglasses, but I could see she was crying. Without saying a word, we stopped in front of each other and hugged. I think we both needed it. She told me her husband had gotten on the bus, and she asked if I saw K. I told her I was looking for him, but I hadn't found him. She said he was getting on the first bus, that he was still outside.

I rushed in that direction, and K was there, right at the door. The guy in front of him was climbing on the bus. I wanted to run up and give K one last hug, but he was standing right at the steps, about to get on the bus. I was afraid I'd have just enough time to hug him and he'd have to get on. That wouldn't feel like goodbye.

K saw me standing there watching him. He stuck out his tongue at me and started making goofy faces. I rushed to take a picture of him boarding, but he was already climbing onto the bus.

I stood there with our friend's wife, waiting for the buses to leave. The majority of people seeing the buses off were a few yards away from them. A couple women stood by the buses, reaching their hands up to their husbands who were sitting near the window. A family of a man on the second bus stood below the window where he was seated. The wife picked up each of her two small children one at a time, and she raised them up to the window so their father could kiss them goodbye one last time. Someone brought a chair over to a couple of the women standing by windows so they could kiss their husbands one last time before they left.















My friend and I stood watching all this, trying not to cry and wondering where on that first bus our husbands were. We had been standing there for a good 15 minutes when my friend pointed out that one of the guys on the bus we knew was waving at me. I looked at him, and he waved me toward him. "C@pt. G wants you over there. He's on the other side at the front."

I ran over to the other side of the bus. Sure enough, K was in the very front seat, and he was seated right next to my friend's husband. I ran to the back of the bus and called her over, and we walked together to the front of the bus. I took a quick picture of them.

"I can't believe you two wound up next together!" I said, since I had been waiting with my friend that whole time. K told us the two of them had been the last to get on the bus, so it had worked out that way.















My friend and I had been standing by their window for maybe 15 seconds when the bus driver gave a quick honk to let everyone know they would be leaving soon. My friend reached her hand up to her husband, who was seated by the window. K reached over his friend's head and held his fist out the window for a quick daps. I was sad that was all we had time for, but at the same time, it was appropriate for us -- it was light and fun, and it was exactly what we did when we crossed the finish line together in the MS150. Plus, it's definitely more of an "I'll see you later" move, which is a good vibe to leave with.

As soon as the bus driver put the bus into gear, these two children next to us started screaming and crying for their father. Nearly everyone around us was crying, and it was hard to think about the fact it will be another 15 months before they're really home. We watched until the last of the buses left the parking lot, and we watched them turn onto the street and vanish behind a building. It felt odd, unreal and empty knowing our lives would have to move on for so long without them.















I walked with my friend back to our cars. I was just ready to be home, so I was not looking forward to my five-hour drive. There was some PA-brewed beer left in K's refrigerator, along with some really good chocolates, both of which K's dad and brother had brought down with them for K. I had planned on stopping by to pick them up so they wouldn't just go to waste, but it occurred to me that every time I'd had both of those things had been with K, and I wanted to keep it that way. I turned my car toward home, and I didn't stop the entire drive. I just wanted to be done.

I went through so many emotions so quickly through the drive. First, I felt proud of myself for being so strong that morning. As I stood outside the buses with my friend, I had pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head so K could see I wasn't crying. I wanted him to know I was OK. I was laughing with him when we met them at the front of the bus. He saw those things. That made me feel good.

All of a sudden, I felt hopeful and assured. I just knew that K is going to come home from this deployment safe and sound. I knew we'd both be OK and that it probably will go by pretty quickly. I even felt like I knew the deployment won't last the full 15 months because things will go well and they'll be brought home early.

I thought about K's R&R, which we decided we want to fall after the halfway point in the deployment, which means it'll be sometime in August or September. He'll get 18 days here. We'll spend a week of that time on a trip somewhere -- the Carribean, Mexico, some getaway in Maine ... who knows? -- and probably a week with his family in PA. I was excited for it, but sad at the same time that it feels so far away.

I thought about the length of the deployment. In 15 months, countless babies will be conceived and born. Piper will be full-grown and not even a puppy anymore. I'll be over halfway through age 25. Who knows? I could have wrinkles and gray hair by then (if I do, I'm totally blaming it on the deployment!). (fyi: I do NOT think 25 is old, but some people just don't age as well as others.) K is already losing his hair; he could be completely bald by the time he returns (not that I care, but it's true). In 15 months, people can get engaged, married and divorced. We'll know who wins the Blu-ray/HD DVD war by then. The iPho.ne K wants so badly right now will be outdated, with umpteen billion improvements since the original. Two Christmases will come and go. And two New Years, which is the only holiday we've spent together every year, and even two Valentine's Days (not that I really care too much about that one, but it's another holiday).

So many thing will change from now until then, and whether they're big or small, major or trivial, we won't get to see those changes with one another.

I started to feel jealous of couples who don't have to go through things like this. I felt a little angry at people who don't know what it's like to spend even a week away from their spouse. I felt cheated that we only have weekends together to begin with, but even those are being taken away from us for so long.

I felt guilty for feeling like that. I knew K was in the A.rmy when I met him. I knew this would happen. I'm proud of him for what he's doing.

I went through emotion after emotion, over and over again and in no particular order. Each was spurred by something different each time. Some came without warning.

I tried to distract myself through the drive with phone calls, but in the middle of the day, it's tough to find people who are free. ER called me a couple times on my drive in between projects at work so she could see how I was doing. I talked to my dad, who just listened to me for a while and did a great job of making me feel better.

After talking to a few people on my drive and getting a few unexpected text messages from people who knew what the day marked, I was crying again because I felt so absolutely, amazingly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I felt thankful to them and to God for putting them into my life.

I was relieved to find myself getting closer to Dallas. It had just gotten dark, and I was only an hour or so away from the comfort of my own apartment when a movement near the top left corner of my window caught my eye. I looked in the direction of the movement to see a shooting star streaking across the sky. It was one of those shooting stars that actually gives you enough time to make a wish.

The highway in that area is pretty well-lit, so you can only see the brightest stars. I took a good look at the sky, and the same was true for that night. I don't think I've ever, ever, in my more than two and a half years of living here, seen a shooting star anywhere near Dallas. All you can usually see is the glow of the city lights in the sky and flashing bulbs from the dozens and dozens of planes over the city at any given time.

But that movement and that light most definitely came from a shooting star.

I found myself crying again at the realization that my first sighting of a shooting star near Dallas had come at that time. I couldn't let myself write off such a simple, yet so special occurrence as a mere coincidence. And once again, I felt blessed to know there is someone watching over me who knows exactly what I need.

Building up to the deployment

I headed down to Louisiana after work a week ago Tuesday. I wanted to spend as much time with K as I could before he left, so I had already taken time off around his possible departure dates.

K had to go into work on Wednesday, but it was just supposed to be a short day. Unfortunately, his short day lasted until 6 p.m., thanks to some awesome last-minute issues by people not doing their jobs or pulling stupid stunts to attempt to get out of deploying.

We went out that night for dinner, and then I made my cheesecake, since K had requested it for Thanksgiving. We got up pretty early Thursday morning to pick up a turkey and ham K had ordered, and we delivered it to our friends' house. Everyone was locked down into a 150-mile radius of the base, so we all met up for Thanksgiving at three guys' house. The wife and two girlfriends of the three guys decided 4 p.m. would be the perfect time for dinner for everyone. I decided they were crazy (Seriously, Thanksgiving dinner should take place between 1 and 1:30. You snack all morning while it cooks, you finally eat lunch, and then four or five hours later, you warm up leftovers for dinner because you can't quit thinking about the food still.).

We watched Ghost Hunters, which is evidently a big show in that house, and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (the Pride was on it!!!). The guys played Guitar Hero on the Wii, and we played DDR for a while on the Playstation. Once we finally ate, the dinner was good.




























I had worried that the day might be a little emotional, since I'd be spending it with people I've grown pretty close to over the last two and a half years, and I would also be saying bye to them
soon after. Other than a few teary-eyed moments that I think no one even caught, I was fine. We girls all managed to escape into a room by ourselves and talk about the deployment and all kinds of other fun girl stuff. It was nice. We all exchanged email addresses and phone numbers to make sure we can stay in touch while our guys are gone. We'll also be able to be a support system for each other over the next 15 months.

I thought that the days following Thanksgiving would give K and me a chance to relax just the two of us. Friday was the closest we came to that.

K had some meetings or something early that morning, but he went back to bed when he got home, so we were able to sleep in a bit. He packed up more of his things from his room -- the clothes and things he'd needed over the past couple weeks since the movers came -- and I tried to busy myself downstairs and pretty much stay out of the way, since I didn't have the slightest clue what he needed to put where.

Late that afternoon, we cleaned up and made the hour drive to the closest town offering us a nice restaurant and something to do. We ate at our favorite, Johnny Carino's, and then we we headed to the mall to pick out some cute Christmas cards and kill time before picking up K's roommate from the airport.

Once again, K had a meeting Saturday morning. My phone woke me up just before 8 a.m. His brother and dad had driven straight through the night to get to Louisiana. They were at the front door. I wound up talking to them for the next few hours until K got home. He had a lot of packing to do for the deployment, and since his dad & brother had been awake for 26 hours straight, they needed to catch up on some sleep. They headed to a hotel (K had no furniture, remember?), and K worked on his packing list all afternoon. That night, we all went to dinner together and watched some football (I was actually the only one really watching it, believe it or not).

Sunday, we went to breakfast with his dad and brother before they left Louisiana in K's SUV. He was sad to see it go. Possibly more sad than he was to see his family leave.

After that, it was back to the packing for him. That afternoon, we made the hour drive to the big town again with K's roommate and his fiance for dinner and a movie. We saw Fred Clause, which was all right. If I was 10, maybe I'd have loved it.

K's roommate left on Monday, so he and his fiance stayed in a hotel Sunday night since they'd packed up all his things (including his air mattress). Believe it or not, K had a meeting again on Monday. Soldier drama, unfinished business and last-minute tasks kept him busy most of the morning. I ran a couple errands on post early in the morning before heading back to his place to attempt to help him pack. It was difficult packing up someone else's things. What was even more difficult was determining which of someone else's things should be thrown out. It felt like I hadn't done much when I decided there was no more I could do on my own. Thank goodness, K called me right then.

Since his truck was on its way to PA, I was his ride. I left to pick him up, and we immediately headed back to his place to finish packing. We got almost all of it done just in time for a maintenance walk-through at 2. My poor little two-door Honda Accord was absolutely packed to the brim. There was barely enough room for K. In fact, he didn't have enough room to put both feet on the floor. He had to squeeze his right leg against the door and cross his left leg over his right knee. Piper had to lie on my lap as I drove, since folders and who knows what else was occupying K's lap.

There were actually things K had intended for me to take home with me, but there was just no room. As a result, his apartment workers will have several rolls of Charmin and a nice set of pots and pans, and his neighbor's girlfriend has a pretty much brand new set of Corningware, since K had K barely used it. There was also a ton of beer in the refrigerator that K had tried to pawn off on several of the guys. The thing was, though, they were all deploying. They all had the same problem.

K and I stayed in a hotel that night. We had to take my mattress, which K had been sleeping on (he brought his nicer mattress here for me to enjoy and take care of while he's gone), to the Thanksgiving guys' house to store during the deployment. Somewhere in the process of all that, after we'd gotten back to K's empty (with the exception of the pots & pans, beer and toilet paper) apartment, he realized he had lost both his and his roommates' set of keys to the apartment and their mailbox. This meant we had to backtrack a lot of steps and call the Thanksgiving guys to see if the keys had been dropped there by accident.

No luck.

We headed back to the hotel, hoping maybe K had left them there and we'd forgotten he had just used my key to get in the door. No such luck.

It's frustrating to know you held something in your hands not even two hours before, yet find no sign of it where you could've sworn you left it. It's even more frustrating to thoroughly search every place you know they could be in a desperate attempt to find the missing item. You spend the rest of your time mentally retracing your steps, trying to piece together how something could have vanished into thin air.

This is exactly what K did the rest of the night. We had gotten back to the hotel sometime after 10, and we both managed to doze off. I woke up to see K lying longways at the foot of the bed, still in the uniform he'd been in since 7:00 that morning. I woke him up to get him to get ready for bed. He was so exhausted, he just took off his uniform and crashed.

With all the craziness of the week leading up to the deployment, it was sad to see that our last night wouldn't be any more calm. What I had hoped would be a relaxing night for the two of us had turned into an attempt to complete the still-long list of errands and then find the set of keys that had seemingly become invisible.

We did get to enjoy some pizza and sparkling wine that night. It was a really nice hour or so. Call me spoiled, but I had hoped for some relaxing that didn't involve chewing and watching Everybody Loves Raymond reruns.

I guess the only saving grace from a hectic final week like that is that it didn't give me much time to think about the fact that it actually was our last week.

Reason #492 why I love my job

At work this afternoon:

In case you can't tell, the fine print on the "Goodie Two Shoes Punch" card reads "(not spiked)." The fine print on the "Rebel Punch" card reads "(spiked)."

Two calls in one day!

I promise the post about yesterday is coming, but not tonight. I'm still getting settled in from my week with K in Louisiana.

I got back to my apartment a little before 7:30 last night. I immediately started unpacking, and ER was here soon with some taco soup and extra arms to help me unload while our dinner heated up. I told her about my week and especially the events of the day. I cried through a lot of it. She even teared up as I told her about when K left. I was really glad to have her there with me to have someone to talk to. I can't imagine how it would've been to have the whole evening to myself.

I unpacked my things as I'd planned, and I even managed to find places for several of the things K has me storing while he's gone. By the time I'd showered, changed my sheets and climbed into bed, it was 1:30 a.m. I'm pretty sure I was asleep by 1:32.

I was awakened at 6 a.m. by my cellphone. K had told me before he left that he was going to call me, so I went from being dead asleep to completely excited and awake the second I heard my phone ring. He was in Germany after an eight-hour flight from Atlanta. He was about to fly another six hours to Kuwait.

We only talked about 10 or 15 minutes, but it was just great to hear his voice. Knowing it'll be months and months before I see him again makes me miss him even more than I usually would.

Once I got to work, I noticed I was being really quiet. Honestly, for most of the morning, I just didn't feel like talking to anyone. I found myself avoiding people by focusing my attention on Piper as I walked through the halls at work. I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just afraid if I talked to people, they'd ask me about my week or about K. Part of the week's events would come up, and I was worried I'd start crying. Even though I'd packed makeup for touchups just in case, I didn't really want to spend my day crying.

All of that made me feel a little like a zombie during a few parts of the day, since I was left to think about the next 15 months and the deployment in those times to myself. When people did ask me about the week or about K being gone, I surprised myself when I was able to tell the stories without crying. I teared up, but I didn't cry. Sometimes, the people asking me about it did. I noticed they seemed to choose their words carefully, and a lot of my co-workers had cautious looks on their faces when they asked me about it, as though if they weren't careful, I'd break. Maybe that's part of the reason I felt like avoiding people.

I realized that even though it's just a year ago tomorrow that K got back from Afghanistan, it feels like I'm dealing with this for the first time. I find myself thinking, "How does/did [insert m!litary w!fe friend here] do this?" But I've been through this once before. It was just four months, but still -- that's four months! That's longer than most "civilian" (I put that in quotes because I think it's a military word rather than one I use, but it's the best word for what I need) couples ever have to go without seeing each other.

Tonight, I was pleasantly surprised when my phone rang a bit before 9. It was K again. This time, he was calling from Kuwait. It was early tomorrow morning there, and he'd only been there for about three hours. We got to talk a little longer than this morning, but the phone signal wasn't always steady. He thought it might have been just a heavy call center time, since so many soldiers were using the phone then.

I should hear from him again tomorrow, he said. I know this is just the early stages, since more guys are traveling there through the week. I won't get to talk to him this often the entire time, obviously. But I'm definitely enjoying it now.