So I've realized I attribute a good amount of my self-worth to work

In late December, I was so happy to see my temp job come to an end. January was pretty hectic for us, so the whole job thing went on the back burner.

Now, we're home and things are normal again. After the way my last job turned out, I'm not in a hurry to just land somewhere anymore. We're very fortunate that K is in the military, so he has no worries about job security, and he can support us both if needed. However, that's not the plan I'm ready to settle on.

Until we moved here, I'd had a job since I was 13. I'm used to working. I'm not opposed to taking a retail job at the mall or even a grocery store, but at the same time, I don't want to lose evenings and weekends with K. And I certainly don't miss having a job where everyone else came in hung over or high all the time. More professional jobs are less tolerant of that behavior, and I'd be more likely to get to keep my nights and weekends.

I have great experience on my resume. The trouble is, this area just doesn't need as many editors as a city like Dallas did. There are other things I qualify for, but many of the postings I've found are looking for someone with 10-12 years of experience. I was a senior in high school 10 years ago.

If I had accepted the fact that I don't have a job and that this might become a more permanent situation, I'd go out looking for volunteer work. I love volunteer work, and it would be a nice, fulfilling way to spend my time. Only I'm not ready to give up on finding a job.

K and I had a talk about this the other night. It was actually kind of an argument, and it's one I'm sure many military families have had.

It started out about something completely different. I had just gotten back from the grocery store, and within a couple hours, I had found two things I'd have to go back for the next day. Both were things K had used up and not added to the list.

When he got home, I said to K, "I guess I messed up in telling you I like our grocery store. It's nice, but I don't want to see it every day." I asked him to do a better job about putting things on the grocery list. I said it calmly, but I intentionally made it more of a discussion than a simple statement because I wanted to get my point across so that he wouldn't forget anymore (it's not the first time this has happened).

K got frustrated. "No offense, but it's not like you have that much else going on," he said.

It was true, and it sucked. It's not like I'm staying home to take care of our child. That would be completely different. And yes, we do have a dog, but puh-lease. She can stay home for 9 or 10 hours on her own. She doesn't need me to take care of her all day.

While I stay home, I take care of things around the house. I clean. I do yard work. I do the laundry and fold it all. I run errands. I dust, I sweep, I clean toilets, I change sheets. I try to do everything so when K is home, we don't have anything to worry about and can relax. I look at taking care of those things as my job. Sometimes I get frustrated about all I do, but it's my contribution. (A contribution I've put on myself -- it wasn't K's idea.)

But still, his comment stung. After about 20 minutes of the silent treatment, he couldn't understand why I was upset. He told me he could go get bread himself.

I reminded him of his comment about my day. I told him it wasn't a fair thing to say. "Six months ago, I had a job. I was making my own money. And then we moved across the country to this smaller town that doesn't need editors," I said.

"Do you know how it feels to go home and have people ask what you're doing? To have to tell them that you have a college degree and no job?"

K shook his head. "No, I don't."

"Well, it sucks. Big time." I was about to start crying, so I stopped talking.

K told me he'd rather me not work at all than wind up jumping at some crappy job again just to do something. A couple minutes later, we had finished talking about it, and I was feeling better.

Thank goodness, the last couple weeks the company I worked with in Dallas has asked me to do a bit of contract work. It hasn't been every day, and it hasn't necessarily been a lot of work, but they've asked for my help again next week.

I'm still hopeful I'll find something more steady. Until that happens, I'll keep my fingers crossed that this contract work continues. It's nice to be earning a paycheck again.