Nightmare in a song

I love Carrie Underwood. Love her. She's adorable, she has a great voice, she's wholesome and she's classy. And she's an Okie. What's not to love?

Her new CD came out a week ago, and I bought it off iTunes last night. Her first CD rocked, so I was excited to see what the new one had in store. ER and I hung out last night watching Private Practice when I started downloading the album. "I just want to listen to every single song at once!" I said as I listened to a little clip of each song on the album.

After ER left, I listened to the CD. I was really enjoying it. Then the fourth song, "Just a Dream," came on. The first few lines really caught my attention:

It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something barrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down

I thought it was going to be a song I could really connect to (minus the age 18 part, but still). I was excited to hear the rest of the song, and I was a little confused by the next lines:

Trying to hide the tears
Oh, she just couldn't believe it

She heard the trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand

I a bit distracted doing other things, so the chorus made me think she'd been left at the altar:

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

I started really listening to the lyrics to hear the rest of the story:

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard

The next line completely cleared up all my confusion:

Then they handed her a folded up flag ...

I was listening to my worst nightmare in a song:

And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guards rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

At the flag line, I was left bawling at my computer. It was a beautiful melody, and Carrie sang it well, but I was so frustrated by the lyrics.

Who would write a song like that? Who could put something like that on paper and pass it on to someone to sing? I was really disappointed that it was on the album, and I'm praying it's not one of the songs that is chosen to be released.

The thing is, any song that praises the military or humanizes the soldiers is usually a hit. And it's a nice thought, I guess, that people want to show support like that, but this song is just not the same. I think that was the intention, but I'm pretty sure the writer of the song (it wasn't Carrie) had no idea what he or she was doing.

When I talked to K last night, I had him look up the lyrics online. "That's morbid," was his response. He was frustrated by it too. "Like they need to make it any harder for us to leave," he said.

I looked up reviews for the album, and what's sad is this seems to be one of the standouts for her fans. I'm betting none of those people praising the song have any idea what it's like to avoid the news for months on end, to have to get signed onto your new husband's will and decide who you want with you for support and help planning a funeral just in case, or to get a phone call like this:

Friend/family member/acquaintance/coworker/near stranger who has nothing better to do than try to freak me out: Hey! How are you?
Me: Good. Just working.
Caller: Yeah? ... Cool ...
Me: ... ... Yup. Pretty cool. [waiting] So, what are you doing?
Caller: Oh, nothing. Just thought I'd call and see if you're having a good day.
Me: Yup. Preeeetty standard.
Caller: Cool, cool. ... ... [clearing throat] So ... have you heard from K lately?
Me: Not lately lately. I talked to him a few days ago, and he told me he was going to call me last night, but since I didn't hear from him, I'm sure he's on a convoy or he was just exausted or something. I'm sure I'll hear from him tonight.
Caller: Yeah. ... ... Have you seen the news?

(The thing is, when K was in Afghanistan, I worked for the media. I had always seen the news. It was my job. And even though I knew that no news was good news -- that if anything happened, I'd know immediately -- it was not comforting or helpful at all to get phone calls like that. But still those calls came. They came as if I didn't know [x] number of troops were killed in [this] part of Afghanistan.)

It's hard enough to get through the days with your own worries at a time like that, so it's really uncool to have other people add a little more to your plate.

And it's really disappointing to think that my absolutely worst nightmare ever could be torturing me over and over on radio stations all over the country because some writer who clearly doesn't understand this is someone's horrible reality wanted to capitalize on the times.