Love those endorphins!

Yesterday was a bad day. There wasn't necessarily any one thing that made it that way, but nothing about my day really seemed to go right.

I had been really disappointed Wednesday night by our loss. Watching that bowl game was like being tortured for four hours. Our team didn't even show. Not that I haven't seen us look like a high school team in a BCS game before -- twice even in person (Sugar Bowl in 2003, Orange Bowl in 2004) -- but it's still just so deflating. That game was so bad that Thursday morning, several of my co-workers just greeted me with "I'm sorry."

Something about my down mood had me thinking a lot about K's deployment. It really is on my mind all the time, but it especially was yesterday. I was suddenly very aware of how stressed I am about the whole thing.

I knew, though, that I really am handling this well, even if I was feeling so stressed. I've heard from many wives or family members of soldiers who have told me how hard it was while their loved one was overseas. One wife even used the words "severe depression" to describe how she felt while her husband was gone. She wrote me: "Those 15 months were the longest, saddest and most difficult that I have ever experienced. I cannot begin to imagine the toll it has taken and will take on you."

It's only been a little over five weeks (ugh, five weeks? That's all?!) since K left, but I really do feel like it'll all be fine. Yesterday was just one of those days I was simply going through the motions. But it was frustrating to have to lie when people asked me how I was doing and to have to try to be cheery in meetings.

Work was hectic, and checking my bank account online stressed me out. I've had a lot of expenses (car insurance, dentist appointment, carpet & couch cleaning) come up lately, so my last paycheck was disappearing faster than I'd hoped and planned.

On top of all that, Piper managed to chew through yet another leash at work. This leash was one I had to rush out and buy (for $30) just after she ate through the last one. That was a month and a day ago yesterday.

By the time I headed home last night, I was surprised at how stressed I was feeling. I think that may have been the most stressed out I've felt in my entire life.

I got home to find that my wireless network wasn't cooperating, so that added to my frustrations about my day. I wanted to cry by that point, but I was afraid I wouldn't stop for a long time.

Today was stressful still at work, but I got everything I needed to done. I worked a bit late, but I was still able to meet Jeremy at the gym tonight. It was the first time I'd been since last Saturday.

It felt awesome.

We ran on the treadmill for a while, then got some weightlifting in along with a trip to the sauna. As I walked out to my car, I couldn't believe how amazing I felt. All the stress I'd felt the day before, all the frustrations I still felt through my day today -- all of it -- was gone for the most part. I felt in charge of myself again, and that felt amazing.