K called me last night. He's fine. And nothing happened. I got to tell him about my good news at work. He was excited.
I told him about my little bad feeling and how that picture popped up right then, and he was sympathetic instead of being like, "Geez, you're crazy."
Hopefully that's the closest I ever get to being my mom.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I hope I'm wrong ...
So I was just sitting here watching Project Runway with ER and Emily at my apartment, when all of a sudden I got this really odd, antsy feeling like I either forgot something important or like something bad happened. The first thing I thought of was K.
I looked at the clock -- 9:50 p.m. That means it's 7:20 a.m. in Afghanistan. Then I looked at my computer. Right then, my screensaver, which is my pictures in random order, came on. This is the picture that came up first:
(I took this picture when K was at my apartment. He was being silly and stood up on my bed, and he managed to clock himself on my ceiling fan. I took this so he could see what the sore looked like. When I loaded several pictures, I forgot it was on there and forgot to delete it.)
Hopefully K calls me tonight. I just want to hear him say everything is fine.
*******************
UPDATE: My bad feeling went away. My mom used to always do that to me in high school. Who am I kidding -- she still does it. Just less often.
I still e-mailed K to call me tonight if he can. It definitely won't hurt.
I looked at the clock -- 9:50 p.m. That means it's 7:20 a.m. in Afghanistan. Then I looked at my computer. Right then, my screensaver, which is my pictures in random order, came on. This is the picture that came up first:
(I took this picture when K was at my apartment. He was being silly and stood up on my bed, and he managed to clock himself on my ceiling fan. I took this so he could see what the sore looked like. When I loaded several pictures, I forgot it was on there and forgot to delete it.)
Hopefully K calls me tonight. I just want to hear him say everything is fine.
*******************
UPDATE: My bad feeling went away. My mom used to always do that to me in high school. Who am I kidding -- she still does it. Just less often.
I still e-mailed K to call me tonight if he can. It definitely won't hurt.
Thank you, Jesus!
My boss just left my office after telling me that I'll be going full-time in September. In addition to that, I'll be bumped up in to a higher pay grade. I'll be getting pretty much an $8,000-a-year raise before taxes.
Money is something I've pretty much been stressed about all my life. This will be a huge help!
Maybe I can even finally get a new laptop, since mine's about to die.
I'M SO RELIEVED!!!!!!
Money is something I've pretty much been stressed about all my life. This will be a huge help!
Maybe I can even finally get a new laptop, since mine's about to die.
I'M SO RELIEVED!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
'Far away for far too long'
I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted! Last week was pretty routine -- work and hanging out at night. Friday, ER and I went to a Rangers game. I had tickets from work. We had a really good time. I'm enjoying hanging out with her more on the weekends like we used to do in college -- before we moved to the city and got jobs and I met the love of my life who happens to live 5 hours away.
We were having a blast watching the game and sitting in the luxury suites (we felt so cool!). We talked about going out after the game because we weren't ready to go home yet. The game ended. The stadium emptied. We were both still in the suites talking to my coworkers and a couple others who were there too. We were about to leave when K called me. It was about 10:30 at night here in Texas. In Afghanistan, it was about 8 a.m. the next day. It was K's 28th birthday there.
He sounded really bummed. He said he was supposed to have taken a helicopter at 6:30 a.m. to the next FOB, which is where some of the guys he's in charge of are. The flight had gotten pushed back to Sept. 1. He and his lieutenant had already handed in the keys for where they'd been staying, and "the people" wouldn't give them back because some other guys were coming in that day and would be staying there. So K and his lieutenant would have to find somewhere else to stay for the next week.
I had been talking to K pretty much every other night. Since they're 9 1/2 hours ahead, he usually calls me any time from midnight to 1 a.m. I don't care what time it is when he calls -- I'm just always excited to hear his voice.
Well, when he called after the game, it was terrible timing. He couldn't hear me in the suites, so I walked back out into the stadium seats connected to our suite. The maid was trying to come in and clean our suite, and the stadium was pretty much empty. I had left ER inside talking to my coworkers. My middle-aged coworkers she'd never met before. Either way, I felt terrible. I didn't want to be rude to ER and my coworkers, but I felt terrible K was having such a ad day -- especially on his birthday. I was stumbling about trying to ask K if he could call me back in a bit when he figured it out and said, "You want me to call you back later?" I was worried he wouldn't be able to hear me as we walked through the stadium to get out. Then, ER would be left in silence as I talked to K on the phone. And I wanted to give him my full attention, which I knew would be hard to do through all that.
I felt terrible. My good mood and my desire to stay out longer were both shot. As I was driving home, all these sad songs with sad lyrics came on that seemed to fit the situation so well:
Naturally, before I knew it, I was bawling as I was driving home from the game. I really miss K, and I felt terrible for having to get off the phone with him. I hated that it was his birthday and I couldn't spend it with him, and on top of that, he was having a bad day.
I came home and got ready for bed. I laid in bed and put the phone next to me in case I fell asleep so I wouldn't miss his call. But I was too upset to go to sleep. He called me after a bit, and he sounded much better. That alone made me feel so relieved. We talked for a little over an hour. It was nice.
The next morning, I woke up 55. My eyes had huge bags under them from crying so hard the night before. It wasn't pretty at all. I'd slept until 11 a.m., and I had thought it was only about 9:30 or so when I woke up. I laid around a bit and finally got up and got some errands run.
ER and I spent a good portion of the day planning the evening's festivities. We were planning to set Jeremy and Emily up, so we made the final plans on that. We wound up going out to eat first, then going bowling and playing laser tag. It was really fun.
I had spent a good portion of the day also finding the perfect sized iron-on letters for a tank top I wanted to make (In case you're wondering, Michael's is the place to go for that!). I think it came out nice.
(Just so you know, the letters are straight. They just look crooked in this picture because I guess the shirt was crooked or something.)
So we had a blast that night. I think Emily and Jeremy hit it off. I got home that night and was typing an e-mail to K when he called me -- for the second night in a row! We talked for a little over an hour again, and he got off the phone with me because I was exhausted and he could tell. It sucks, though, because I hate getting off the phone with him. Every time we hang up, I get teary eyed. It sucks not being able to call him when something cool happens in my day or just to say hi. It sucks not being able to call him or text message him when "Sweet Home Alabama" -- our song -- comes on. Not to mention not getting to see him and give him a hug. On his birthday (and on mine!).
After we got off the phone, it was around 1:45. I took a shower and got ready for bed. I was exhausted when I woke up at 9:15 to get ready for church. I thought about not going. But I got up, and I went. It was nice. It's just always a pleasant way to start off the week.
Then, I came home and packed and drove to my hometown to get my windows taken care of so my car will pass inspection in the fabulous state of Texas. I really did think my windows were too dark, and I wanted to get them lightened. I just wanted to do it later.
I got an e-mail Sunday night from a woman in the Dallas area who I'd e-mailed about a washer and dryer sometime last week. She sent me a photo of the one she was selling. It is the exact same model that I had Appliance Warehouse pick up from my apartment last week because they're a bit too proud of it. This woman wanted to sell it to me for $75 cash. The very same model Appliance Warehouse wanted to charge me $33 a month for. I called the woman because -- clearly -- there had to be something wrong with it for her to sell it for such a cheap price. Turns out she's an elderly woman who's kind of sick, and she's moved in with her son. She said she's finally realizing she's not going to be independent anymore, so she's selling three bedrooms worth of furniture, and the washer and dryer are part of it.
I told her I'd have to recruit some guy friends to help me move it, but hopefully I could do it Tuesday or Wednesday. After we got off the phone, she called me back about 10 minutes later and said her son would deliver it for me, but he'd charge me. Ten dollars! She lives on the total opposite side of Dallas than I do. I said, "Ten dollars? re you serious? That's wonderful!" She said she was kind of shocked herself, but they just wanted to get it out of their garage.
I told my dad I kind of feel like I'm robbing them or something, but they're the ones who picked those prices.
My car windows got fixed today, too. And that only cost me $70. I was worried it would cost me somewhere around $200. I had no idea what to expect.
I'm so relieved and thankful, though. I had expected to pay about $150 for each of those two things. Instead, I paid just a little over $150 -- combined cost. Thank you, Jesus!
And I'm sure those of you who were concerned over my computer situation will be relieved to know that I have received in the mail my very own 160-gig external hard drive. My pictures (and videos and work and resume and ...) are saved!
We were having a blast watching the game and sitting in the luxury suites (we felt so cool!). We talked about going out after the game because we weren't ready to go home yet. The game ended. The stadium emptied. We were both still in the suites talking to my coworkers and a couple others who were there too. We were about to leave when K called me. It was about 10:30 at night here in Texas. In Afghanistan, it was about 8 a.m. the next day. It was K's 28th birthday there.
He sounded really bummed. He said he was supposed to have taken a helicopter at 6:30 a.m. to the next FOB, which is where some of the guys he's in charge of are. The flight had gotten pushed back to Sept. 1. He and his lieutenant had already handed in the keys for where they'd been staying, and "the people" wouldn't give them back because some other guys were coming in that day and would be staying there. So K and his lieutenant would have to find somewhere else to stay for the next week.
I had been talking to K pretty much every other night. Since they're 9 1/2 hours ahead, he usually calls me any time from midnight to 1 a.m. I don't care what time it is when he calls -- I'm just always excited to hear his voice.
Well, when he called after the game, it was terrible timing. He couldn't hear me in the suites, so I walked back out into the stadium seats connected to our suite. The maid was trying to come in and clean our suite, and the stadium was pretty much empty. I had left ER inside talking to my coworkers. My middle-aged coworkers she'd never met before. Either way, I felt terrible. I didn't want to be rude to ER and my coworkers, but I felt terrible K was having such a ad day -- especially on his birthday. I was stumbling about trying to ask K if he could call me back in a bit when he figured it out and said, "You want me to call you back later?" I was worried he wouldn't be able to hear me as we walked through the stadium to get out. Then, ER would be left in silence as I talked to K on the phone. And I wanted to give him my full attention, which I knew would be hard to do through all that.
I felt terrible. My good mood and my desire to stay out longer were both shot. As I was driving home, all these sad songs with sad lyrics came on that seemed to fit the situation so well:
I love you/ I have loved you all along/ And I miss you/ Been far away for far too long/ I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
I’m here without you baby/ but you're still on my lonely mind/ I think about you baby/ and I dream about you all the time
Naturally, before I knew it, I was bawling as I was driving home from the game. I really miss K, and I felt terrible for having to get off the phone with him. I hated that it was his birthday and I couldn't spend it with him, and on top of that, he was having a bad day.
I came home and got ready for bed. I laid in bed and put the phone next to me in case I fell asleep so I wouldn't miss his call. But I was too upset to go to sleep. He called me after a bit, and he sounded much better. That alone made me feel so relieved. We talked for a little over an hour. It was nice.
The next morning, I woke up 55. My eyes had huge bags under them from crying so hard the night before. It wasn't pretty at all. I'd slept until 11 a.m., and I had thought it was only about 9:30 or so when I woke up. I laid around a bit and finally got up and got some errands run.
ER and I spent a good portion of the day planning the evening's festivities. We were planning to set Jeremy and Emily up, so we made the final plans on that. We wound up going out to eat first, then going bowling and playing laser tag. It was really fun.
I had spent a good portion of the day also finding the perfect sized iron-on letters for a tank top I wanted to make (In case you're wondering, Michael's is the place to go for that!). I think it came out nice.
(Just so you know, the letters are straight. They just look crooked in this picture because I guess the shirt was crooked or something.)
So we had a blast that night. I think Emily and Jeremy hit it off. I got home that night and was typing an e-mail to K when he called me -- for the second night in a row! We talked for a little over an hour again, and he got off the phone with me because I was exhausted and he could tell. It sucks, though, because I hate getting off the phone with him. Every time we hang up, I get teary eyed. It sucks not being able to call him when something cool happens in my day or just to say hi. It sucks not being able to call him or text message him when "Sweet Home Alabama" -- our song -- comes on. Not to mention not getting to see him and give him a hug. On his birthday (and on mine!).
After we got off the phone, it was around 1:45. I took a shower and got ready for bed. I was exhausted when I woke up at 9:15 to get ready for church. I thought about not going. But I got up, and I went. It was nice. It's just always a pleasant way to start off the week.
Then, I came home and packed and drove to my hometown to get my windows taken care of so my car will pass inspection in the fabulous state of Texas. I really did think my windows were too dark, and I wanted to get them lightened. I just wanted to do it later.
I got an e-mail Sunday night from a woman in the Dallas area who I'd e-mailed about a washer and dryer sometime last week. She sent me a photo of the one she was selling. It is the exact same model that I had Appliance Warehouse pick up from my apartment last week because they're a bit too proud of it. This woman wanted to sell it to me for $75 cash. The very same model Appliance Warehouse wanted to charge me $33 a month for. I called the woman because -- clearly -- there had to be something wrong with it for her to sell it for such a cheap price. Turns out she's an elderly woman who's kind of sick, and she's moved in with her son. She said she's finally realizing she's not going to be independent anymore, so she's selling three bedrooms worth of furniture, and the washer and dryer are part of it.
I told her I'd have to recruit some guy friends to help me move it, but hopefully I could do it Tuesday or Wednesday. After we got off the phone, she called me back about 10 minutes later and said her son would deliver it for me, but he'd charge me. Ten dollars! She lives on the total opposite side of Dallas than I do. I said, "Ten dollars? re you serious? That's wonderful!" She said she was kind of shocked herself, but they just wanted to get it out of their garage.
I told my dad I kind of feel like I'm robbing them or something, but they're the ones who picked those prices.
My car windows got fixed today, too. And that only cost me $70. I was worried it would cost me somewhere around $200. I had no idea what to expect.
I'm so relieved and thankful, though. I had expected to pay about $150 for each of those two things. Instead, I paid just a little over $150 -- combined cost. Thank you, Jesus!
And I'm sure those of you who were concerned over my computer situation will be relieved to know that I have received in the mail my very own 160-gig external hard drive. My pictures (and videos and work and resume and ...) are saved!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Throw me a freakin' bone here
Every time I get more hours and more money that goes along with it, I start to feel better. My savings account grows slowly, and my checking account does, too. I like that feeling.
And then, lo and behold, something comes along. Like a cat and a yearly doctor visit (a couple months ago). Or, this time last year, a flat tire and a yearly doctor visit, which brought on an ultrasound to double check for cysts I knew I didn't have (and $1,000 in bills because my insurance deductible sucks).
This time, it's my washer and dryer and my car. I've had a washer and dryer in my apartment the whole time I've lived there, which is just over a year. When I moved in, the woman at the apartment office told me I wouldn't have to rent them each month because the appliance center wasn't billing them for it. As long as they didn't do an audit and realize I had one in my apartment, they wouldn't know it was there, and I wouldn't have to pay for them. Sweet!
Well, they audited. If I'd moved at the end of July when I was thinking about it, I wouldn't be in this position. Or I'd be in this position in another apartment closer to the actual city of Dallas, which has the #1 crime rate in the country. Anyway, I called two companies that rent washers and dryers to my apartment complex. It'll be from $29 to $33 a month for me to rent my not-even-full-sized STACKABLE washer and dryer each month. That means that for the remaining year that I'll be living in the fabulous city of Dallas, Texas, it'll cost me just under $400 to rent a washer and dryer. A stackable one. That's not even full-sized.
So I'm looking into buying a used one. Except every time I call, it's already sold. How do people find out about these ads so fast? At least I know it'll be easy to sell it a year from now!
As for my car, I went to get its state inspection yesterday. Two reasons Oklahoma is cooler than Texas: 1) Oklahoma realized state inspections are a pain years ago and stopped doing them. 2) My windows are not too dark in Oklahoma. Texas seems to think they are.
Granted, I do feel my windows are a little dark -- especially at night. But getting my windows tinted lighter isn't necessarily at the top of my budget to-buy list. Actually, I guess it is now -- right next to a stackable, used washer and dryer.
How am I supposed to start saving money when this crap keeps coming up?
And then, lo and behold, something comes along. Like a cat and a yearly doctor visit (a couple months ago). Or, this time last year, a flat tire and a yearly doctor visit, which brought on an ultrasound to double check for cysts I knew I didn't have (and $1,000 in bills because my insurance deductible sucks).
This time, it's my washer and dryer and my car. I've had a washer and dryer in my apartment the whole time I've lived there, which is just over a year. When I moved in, the woman at the apartment office told me I wouldn't have to rent them each month because the appliance center wasn't billing them for it. As long as they didn't do an audit and realize I had one in my apartment, they wouldn't know it was there, and I wouldn't have to pay for them. Sweet!
Well, they audited. If I'd moved at the end of July when I was thinking about it, I wouldn't be in this position. Or I'd be in this position in another apartment closer to the actual city of Dallas, which has the #1 crime rate in the country. Anyway, I called two companies that rent washers and dryers to my apartment complex. It'll be from $29 to $33 a month for me to rent my not-even-full-sized STACKABLE washer and dryer each month. That means that for the remaining year that I'll be living in the fabulous city of Dallas, Texas, it'll cost me just under $400 to rent a washer and dryer. A stackable one. That's not even full-sized.
So I'm looking into buying a used one. Except every time I call, it's already sold. How do people find out about these ads so fast? At least I know it'll be easy to sell it a year from now!
As for my car, I went to get its state inspection yesterday. Two reasons Oklahoma is cooler than Texas: 1) Oklahoma realized state inspections are a pain years ago and stopped doing them. 2) My windows are not too dark in Oklahoma. Texas seems to think they are.
Granted, I do feel my windows are a little dark -- especially at night. But getting my windows tinted lighter isn't necessarily at the top of my budget to-buy list. Actually, I guess it is now -- right next to a stackable, used washer and dryer.
How am I supposed to start saving money when this crap keeps coming up?
My new best friend
So I guess this is how it's gonna be until K gets back. My cell phone was everywhere with me before, but it's everywhere with me now. It's always driven me nuts to see people at the gym with their cell phones, talking while they're "working out" (sorry, but you can't do cardio while you're on the phone!). My phone had never even been in the gym with me. Now, it comes. BUT I don't talk on it unless K calls, which hasn't happened yet. If and when it does, I will stop my workout and leave the gym.
I was nervous at church on Sunday that K would call during the service and I'd miss it. I had my phone on silent, but I knew I'd be so sad if I looked at my phone after church and saw I'd missed his call. I was hoping God would help me out and keep that from happening since I was there for Him. Luckily, God was on our side.
K called me last night at about 12:30. It was so good to hear his voice! He sounds like he's doing well and in good spirits, which makes me happy. We both miss each other like crazy, but like I've said before, that definitely won't hurt us. I really just want to see him for even a minute and give him a huge hug. That would be nice.
We talked for about half an hour. K told me that he looks at the little photo album I made him every night before bed. He said it was the perfect gift to give him right before he was leaving. That made me feel good. After we got off the phone, I was a little teary-eyed for a few minutes, and then, somehow, I went to sleep. I slept really well. It was good to hear from him.
I was nervous at church on Sunday that K would call during the service and I'd miss it. I had my phone on silent, but I knew I'd be so sad if I looked at my phone after church and saw I'd missed his call. I was hoping God would help me out and keep that from happening since I was there for Him. Luckily, God was on our side.
K called me last night at about 12:30. It was so good to hear his voice! He sounds like he's doing well and in good spirits, which makes me happy. We both miss each other like crazy, but like I've said before, that definitely won't hurt us. I really just want to see him for even a minute and give him a huge hug. That would be nice.
We talked for about half an hour. K told me that he looks at the little photo album I made him every night before bed. He said it was the perfect gift to give him right before he was leaving. That made me feel good. After we got off the phone, I was a little teary-eyed for a few minutes, and then, somehow, I went to sleep. I slept really well. It was good to hear from him.
Monday, August 21, 2006
My first weekend as a 23-year-old
Rachel came in on Friday, and ER and CG and Joe met us at my apartment before we went to dinner at a fun, laid-back restaurant. They brought me this yummy, warm chocolate chip cookie with ice cream on top.
the girls before going out to dinner
the yummy cookie!
Rachel and me enjoying it
Then, we went out to my favorite bar here. It was really fun. I wish K had been there to celebrate, too, but we had a great time.
The next morning, K called me from Kyrgyzstan. He was going to be flying out to Afghanistan that day. He said the weather there was great -- about 70 degrees, he said. He seems to be in good spirits, so that's nice. I miss him already, but I'm really excited about when he comes back. Missing each other definitely won't hurt us any. It seems like things will only be better!
So while we were out at the bar Friday night, we'd seen this girl wearing a really cute dress ER and I both liked, so I complimented her on it. The girl proceeded to tell us about this really awesome store where she got it -- for really cheap. Naturally, we made plans to go on Saturday, and we did. I got the most adorable, Charlotte from Sex & the City dress. I even found a cute little bracelet to go with it!
I needed to find some shoes, obviously. I went to DSW's and used my gift card I got for my birthday on the most adorable shoes! They only cost me 26 cents! :)
Noodle got busted playing inside the bag. For some reason, he really likes getting in plastic bags ...
He's pretty worn out from his weekend of eating and sleeping.
the girls before going out to dinner
the yummy cookie!
Rachel and me enjoying it
Then, we went out to my favorite bar here. It was really fun. I wish K had been there to celebrate, too, but we had a great time.
The next morning, K called me from Kyrgyzstan. He was going to be flying out to Afghanistan that day. He said the weather there was great -- about 70 degrees, he said. He seems to be in good spirits, so that's nice. I miss him already, but I'm really excited about when he comes back. Missing each other definitely won't hurt us any. It seems like things will only be better!
So while we were out at the bar Friday night, we'd seen this girl wearing a really cute dress ER and I both liked, so I complimented her on it. The girl proceeded to tell us about this really awesome store where she got it -- for really cheap. Naturally, we made plans to go on Saturday, and we did. I got the most adorable, Charlotte from Sex & the City dress. I even found a cute little bracelet to go with it!
I needed to find some shoes, obviously. I went to DSW's and used my gift card I got for my birthday on the most adorable shoes! They only cost me 26 cents! :)
Noodle got busted playing inside the bag. For some reason, he really likes getting in plastic bags ...
He's pretty worn out from his weekend of eating and sleeping.
Peace with ya'll
I went to church with ER today. She's Lutheran, so they do the whole, "Peace with you" thing we Baptists don't do (We just say, "Hi! How are you? Good to se you!"). ER's church is really awesome, and the pastor who gave the sermon today is younger and really cool. During that part, he said "Peace with ya'll." It was awesome. I love the South!
After church, I went to dinner with ER and her family, who is pretty much my Texas family. Then, ER and I went shopping. We went to the Nine West outlet and each got a pair of heels (buy one, get one half off!). I got a new watch at the Fossil store since the battery died on my old one, and it was time to get a new one anyway, since it was getting pretty old.
I came home and hung out with Noodle for a bit, then went to the gym to work out with Jeremy. ER and I decided we're hooking up him and Emily next weekend, so I'm really excited about that. We had a good work out. We worked our back and legs. Guess I won't be wearing my new heels for a few days ... :)
After church, I went to dinner with ER and her family, who is pretty much my Texas family. Then, ER and I went shopping. We went to the Nine West outlet and each got a pair of heels (buy one, get one half off!). I got a new watch at the Fossil store since the battery died on my old one, and it was time to get a new one anyway, since it was getting pretty old.
I came home and hung out with Noodle for a bit, then went to the gym to work out with Jeremy. ER and I decided we're hooking up him and Emily next weekend, so I'm really excited about that. We had a good work out. We worked our back and legs. Guess I won't be wearing my new heels for a few days ... :)
Friday, August 18, 2006
I feel special!
Today after lunch, I sat innocently working in my office, and my boss stopped by and asked me to come out for a second. Then, I saw the chocolate cake he held in his hands.
My office never does things for birthdays, and it's always made me sad. I said something once about getting together a list and doing little birthday celebrations. One of the guys in the office informed me that there are too many males in the office for that to work. :(
I guess Sarah decided that sucked, and she and a couple other coworkers started planning the whole cake. And I had no idea. I was actually surprised. No one acted funny! I had no idea it was coming.
And then, I got a call that I had a package down at the security desk. I wasn't too surprised about it, since K sent me flowers and huge balloons last year on my birthday because he knew no one in the office knew it was that day and he knew I wouldn't say anything. I went downstairs to pick up the most beautiful flowers.
Just before I went to call K to say thanks, I looked at the card. Good thing, 'cause there was surprise #2!
And when I got home, I had these just inside my door from K.
Unfortunately, Noodle evidently thinks flowers are food, so I'm having to guard my roses from him so there's something left to enjoy. lol
It's been a pretty great day. I'm really excited about tomorrow, though, 'cause it'll be even better!
My office never does things for birthdays, and it's always made me sad. I said something once about getting together a list and doing little birthday celebrations. One of the guys in the office informed me that there are too many males in the office for that to work. :(
I guess Sarah decided that sucked, and she and a couple other coworkers started planning the whole cake. And I had no idea. I was actually surprised. No one acted funny! I had no idea it was coming.
And then, I got a call that I had a package down at the security desk. I wasn't too surprised about it, since K sent me flowers and huge balloons last year on my birthday because he knew no one in the office knew it was that day and he knew I wouldn't say anything. I went downstairs to pick up the most beautiful flowers.
Just before I went to call K to say thanks, I looked at the card. Good thing, 'cause there was surprise #2!
And when I got home, I had these just inside my door from K.
Unfortunately, Noodle evidently thinks flowers are food, so I'm having to guard my roses from him so there's something left to enjoy. lol
It's been a pretty great day. I'm really excited about tomorrow, though, 'cause it'll be even better!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Birthday girl
My birthday is today. I'm 23. I have no exciting plans tonight -- just going to the gym. And that's fine. That's intentional.
I went out last night with the Wednesday girls -- ER and Emily -- and we had a great dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We had margaritas and did the whole birthday thing, so the wait staff brought out this chocolate-covered brownie that was hidden under a mound of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream -- perfect. :) Then, we went back to ER and Emily's and watched Project Runway. ER has gotten me into that show. Plus, Kahne is from Norman (where OU is)!
Rachel's coming tomorrow, and I haven't seen her since last October. We've been friends since kindergarten and roommed together all through college, so this is the longest we've gone without seeing each other our whole lives. I'm excited.
ER, Rachel and I are going to dinner tomorrow night. CG is coming, too, and hopefuly her husband Joe will come and not feel bad about being the only guy. Jeremy, my workout buddy/"personal trainer"/college friend, will meet up with us afterward with some of his friends. He turns 25 tomorrow, so it'll be a dual birthday celebration!
I'm really bummed that K isn't here to celebrate. He's actually still in the country, which makes it more frustrating. He left on Tuesday and flew from Houston to Baltimore. He got to Baltimore, and his flight to Germany was delayed 24 hours due to mechanical problems. So yesterday afternoon, he returned to the airport, only to find out his flight was delayed again because the plane was diverted to Indianapolis for some reason. I'm seriously ready to just fly to Baltimore. But I'd rather him be delayed now, when he's trying to leave, than when he gets back. Hopefully tonight he'll make it out of Baltimore and fly to Germany, and then on to Afghanistan. I miss him already.
But I'm looking forward to this weekend, and even though I was bummed that K was leaving so close to both of our birthdays, I really think it's turning out to be a blessing. The good thing about birthdays is that they remind you how many wonderful people are in your life, and people take a moment out of their days just to wish you a good day and send some nice words. It really makes you feel good, and I'm always surprised to see messages from people I haven't seen in a long time.
In fact, it makes me want to take time out of my day to do the same. I think I'll make it a birthday resolution. :) This year, I'm going to make a habit of sending messages and cards to friends just because. It's a pretty good feeling to feel special.
I went out last night with the Wednesday girls -- ER and Emily -- and we had a great dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We had margaritas and did the whole birthday thing, so the wait staff brought out this chocolate-covered brownie that was hidden under a mound of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream -- perfect. :) Then, we went back to ER and Emily's and watched Project Runway. ER has gotten me into that show. Plus, Kahne is from Norman (where OU is)!
Rachel's coming tomorrow, and I haven't seen her since last October. We've been friends since kindergarten and roommed together all through college, so this is the longest we've gone without seeing each other our whole lives. I'm excited.
ER, Rachel and I are going to dinner tomorrow night. CG is coming, too, and hopefuly her husband Joe will come and not feel bad about being the only guy. Jeremy, my workout buddy/"personal trainer"/college friend, will meet up with us afterward with some of his friends. He turns 25 tomorrow, so it'll be a dual birthday celebration!
I'm really bummed that K isn't here to celebrate. He's actually still in the country, which makes it more frustrating. He left on Tuesday and flew from Houston to Baltimore. He got to Baltimore, and his flight to Germany was delayed 24 hours due to mechanical problems. So yesterday afternoon, he returned to the airport, only to find out his flight was delayed again because the plane was diverted to Indianapolis for some reason. I'm seriously ready to just fly to Baltimore. But I'd rather him be delayed now, when he's trying to leave, than when he gets back. Hopefully tonight he'll make it out of Baltimore and fly to Germany, and then on to Afghanistan. I miss him already.
But I'm looking forward to this weekend, and even though I was bummed that K was leaving so close to both of our birthdays, I really think it's turning out to be a blessing. The good thing about birthdays is that they remind you how many wonderful people are in your life, and people take a moment out of their days just to wish you a good day and send some nice words. It really makes you feel good, and I'm always surprised to see messages from people I haven't seen in a long time.
In fact, it makes me want to take time out of my day to do the same. I think I'll make it a birthday resolution. :) This year, I'm going to make a habit of sending messages and cards to friends just because. It's a pretty good feeling to feel special.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Don't tell my laptop I said this
I said on my blog yesterday that I'd try to post pictures from last weekend. I tried. I did. My computer, though, officially sucks. And a year ago, I didn't really know. I knew it wasn't awesome, but that's not the same.
Then K came into my life and into my apartment, and he made fun of my old laptop. He asked how long I'd had it. "Not that long," I said. "My mom bought it used for me when I started college." That was four years earlier. K informed me that that is very old for a laptop. I had no idea.
Since then, he always makes little jokes about my laptop or groans when it takes 10 minutes to turn on and be ready for me to use the Internet. But I always told him it's just fine for my purposes. I only use it to go online and to store pictures. I don't need a new laptop to do that!
And then it stopped turning on sometimes. That's frustrating. I started looking into buying a new laptop. I found one I liked, a Dell, that seemed to fit everything I need -- large storage capacity, Internet access and a power button that works. For like $600.
Six hundred dollars?!! That's a lot! I could get so many things with that -- work clothes, new tires, new shoes, cute furniture ... I'm not an electronics girl, so I would rather spend money on so many more useful things than a laptop.
But last night when I went to load my pictures, my computer wasn't working well. It was taking so ... long ... to do ... everything. And not all the icons on pages were loading. I think it's seriously about to bite the dust.
And it's all K's fault. My laptop was working fine (most of the time) before he started making fun of it. But $600?!
I'm so not gettin' a Dell. :(
Then K came into my life and into my apartment, and he made fun of my old laptop. He asked how long I'd had it. "Not that long," I said. "My mom bought it used for me when I started college." That was four years earlier. K informed me that that is very old for a laptop. I had no idea.
Since then, he always makes little jokes about my laptop or groans when it takes 10 minutes to turn on and be ready for me to use the Internet. But I always told him it's just fine for my purposes. I only use it to go online and to store pictures. I don't need a new laptop to do that!
And then it stopped turning on sometimes. That's frustrating. I started looking into buying a new laptop. I found one I liked, a Dell, that seemed to fit everything I need -- large storage capacity, Internet access and a power button that works. For like $600.
Six hundred dollars?!! That's a lot! I could get so many things with that -- work clothes, new tires, new shoes, cute furniture ... I'm not an electronics girl, so I would rather spend money on so many more useful things than a laptop.
But last night when I went to load my pictures, my computer wasn't working well. It was taking so ... long ... to do ... everything. And not all the icons on pages were loading. I think it's seriously about to bite the dust.
And it's all K's fault. My laptop was working fine (most of the time) before he started making fun of it. But $600?!
I'm so not gettin' a Dell. :(
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Long time, no post
Things have been pretty crazy lately. Last week, I stayed later at work so I could leave early on Friday to spend more time with K. When I went home at night, I was doing things I needed to take care of before the weekend.
I gave K his birthday present. I got him a cute little suede photo album from Target that won't take up too much room in his bag, so it'll be easy to pack. I put some of my favorite pictures of us in there and some goofy, fun pics of us and of him with his buddies. Each page had a little memo line, so I wrote messages or comments about the pictures. He had also just bought a portable DVD player, and the battery only lasts 3 hours. I got him a new battery for it that lasts over 8 hours. His plane ride is about 13 hours, and he'll be travelling all day today, so I'm sure he'll get some use out of it.
I thought yesterday would be a really tough day, since it's the last time I'll see K until at least Thanksgiving. I was surprised, though -- it wasn't bad. So far it's just been normal. Every time I go to Louisiana to see him, I come back either Sunday night or some time Monday, depending on when I have to be at work. I was still able to talk to him on the phone yesterday and last night.
It'll probably hit me most on Thursday because I won't get to look forward to spending the weekend with him. It may even hit me a little today because it'll start getting harder to talk to him.
He flew out of Houston this morning and is supposed to land in Baltimore this afternoon. Then, he flies to Germany, where he'll get the rest of his information. He's not sure if he'll be there a few days or if he'll go straight to Afghanistan.
My birthday is coming up on Thursday, and I'm not really excited about it. I really wanted to be able to celebrate with K this weekend, but that's not gonna happen. I think it's a good thing, though, that he's leaving so close to my birthday after all. This way, my friends were already planning on getting together, and we will be hanging out to celebrate rather than to try to keep me from being sad.
My friend Rachel, who I've known since kindergarten and grew up with and roommed with all through college, is coming to visit on Friday. I haven't seen her since OU-Texas last year, which was October 8. It's the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. In fact, I still have her birthday present (Her birthday is in February) and her Christmas present.
So I'm looking forward to those things, at least. I'll post pictures and stories about the weekend hopefully later tonight.
I gave K his birthday present. I got him a cute little suede photo album from Target that won't take up too much room in his bag, so it'll be easy to pack. I put some of my favorite pictures of us in there and some goofy, fun pics of us and of him with his buddies. Each page had a little memo line, so I wrote messages or comments about the pictures. He had also just bought a portable DVD player, and the battery only lasts 3 hours. I got him a new battery for it that lasts over 8 hours. His plane ride is about 13 hours, and he'll be travelling all day today, so I'm sure he'll get some use out of it.
I thought yesterday would be a really tough day, since it's the last time I'll see K until at least Thanksgiving. I was surprised, though -- it wasn't bad. So far it's just been normal. Every time I go to Louisiana to see him, I come back either Sunday night or some time Monday, depending on when I have to be at work. I was still able to talk to him on the phone yesterday and last night.
It'll probably hit me most on Thursday because I won't get to look forward to spending the weekend with him. It may even hit me a little today because it'll start getting harder to talk to him.
He flew out of Houston this morning and is supposed to land in Baltimore this afternoon. Then, he flies to Germany, where he'll get the rest of his information. He's not sure if he'll be there a few days or if he'll go straight to Afghanistan.
My birthday is coming up on Thursday, and I'm not really excited about it. I really wanted to be able to celebrate with K this weekend, but that's not gonna happen. I think it's a good thing, though, that he's leaving so close to my birthday after all. This way, my friends were already planning on getting together, and we will be hanging out to celebrate rather than to try to keep me from being sad.
My friend Rachel, who I've known since kindergarten and grew up with and roommed with all through college, is coming to visit on Friday. I haven't seen her since OU-Texas last year, which was October 8. It's the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. In fact, I still have her birthday present (Her birthday is in February) and her Christmas present.
So I'm looking forward to those things, at least. I'll post pictures and stories about the weekend hopefully later tonight.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Pensacola pictures!
The refrigerator in our condo. We might starve, but we won't go thirsty! :)
K and me on the beach, and me with straight hair!
Can you tell what is in this picture?
It's a cute little sand crab!
Us drinking Irish Wakes at McGuire's. (My hair's back to normal)
McGuire's has dollar bills ALL over the place. I snapped this really quick as we were leaving, so it's not a good example. See the bottom of the picture? That's pretty much how it is.
By the way, if you ever go to McGuire's in Pensacola, don't let the bathroom doors fool you! (Look closely ...)
K holding a baby alligator at a random alligator farm in Mississippi.
Eek!! (See the gator to the left under the tree?!)
Evidently alligators like marshmallows ...
One point for Dallas
I got my hair cut last week, and it's something I always have mixed emotions about. My hair is very thick and curly (think Felicity), so it's kind of limited what all I can do. I don't want to straighten it because why change things when you can have the best of both worlds with just a little bit of work?
Only one person had cut my hair from the time I was pretty little until I was in the 6th or 7th grade. Then, Tammy, my beloved hair lady, moved. She was the one who gave me my perm in the 5th grade. She must have worked some magic because my hair hasn't been straight since without making someone's arms very tired.
I love my curls. They're my trademark. They make me feel like I'm in some sort of club because other girls with thick, curly hair know my pain.
But every time I get my hair cut, no one ever notices because after the person is done cutting my hair, it's still just really long and thick and curly.
Not this time. Donna, my new friend at Ulta, is awesome. She has taken a class on curly hair in New York City. She told me about this really good leave-in conditioner and shampoo that I wound up buying, and I love them. And they were both on sale!
Donna was talkative, so there was no awkwardness of just having some stranger hack away at my hair for 45 minutes without saying a word.
And she blow-dried my hair straight. I didn't know that was possible. I thought that was only step two of the straightening process, only to be followed by step three -- the straightener. My hair looked awesome, and it felt great. People noticed it had been cut. And now that it's curly again, it looks awesome still. It's not frizzy, thanks to the awesome leave-in conditioner.
This may seem a little over the top to be so excited about finally finding someone who does a great job on my hair, but it's my hair. It's a small part of the reason I'm not living in some crappy small town as a TV reporter, where some producer would tell me my hair wasn't right for TV and make me cut it to my shoulders, straighten it and put highlights in it or dye it some color because viewers would like it better.
Plus, it's one point for Dallas, and just in time, because CG's moving soon. And a good haircut really just makes you feel good.
Only one person had cut my hair from the time I was pretty little until I was in the 6th or 7th grade. Then, Tammy, my beloved hair lady, moved. She was the one who gave me my perm in the 5th grade. She must have worked some magic because my hair hasn't been straight since without making someone's arms very tired.
I love my curls. They're my trademark. They make me feel like I'm in some sort of club because other girls with thick, curly hair know my pain.
But every time I get my hair cut, no one ever notices because after the person is done cutting my hair, it's still just really long and thick and curly.
Not this time. Donna, my new friend at Ulta, is awesome. She has taken a class on curly hair in New York City. She told me about this really good leave-in conditioner and shampoo that I wound up buying, and I love them. And they were both on sale!
Donna was talkative, so there was no awkwardness of just having some stranger hack away at my hair for 45 minutes without saying a word.
And she blow-dried my hair straight. I didn't know that was possible. I thought that was only step two of the straightening process, only to be followed by step three -- the straightener. My hair looked awesome, and it felt great. People noticed it had been cut. And now that it's curly again, it looks awesome still. It's not frizzy, thanks to the awesome leave-in conditioner.
This may seem a little over the top to be so excited about finally finding someone who does a great job on my hair, but it's my hair. It's a small part of the reason I'm not living in some crappy small town as a TV reporter, where some producer would tell me my hair wasn't right for TV and make me cut it to my shoulders, straighten it and put highlights in it or dye it some color because viewers would like it better.
Plus, it's one point for Dallas, and just in time, because CG's moving soon. And a good haircut really just makes you feel good.
I saw rain! In August!
I'm back from Florida! We had a really good time. It was K and me, two of K's buddies and their wives. We got there late Friday night, and it was pouring and thundering like crazy! Luckily, Saturday was clear and nice. We slept in that morning and spent the whole afternoon on the beach. We all got a little sunburned, but not too bad.
We left yesterday afternoon and stopped off in Missouri for this air boat ride/swamp & alligator tour thing. It was really neat. We didn't get back to K's until about midnight last night. I had to be at work today at 1:30, so I had to get up and leave at 8:30. I got pulled over on this really crappy road that everyone speeds on. I got a ticket. Bummer.
Anyway, I just got back from the gym, and I'm exhausted, so I'll post more tomorrow -- including pictures.
We left yesterday afternoon and stopped off in Missouri for this air boat ride/swamp & alligator tour thing. It was really neat. We didn't get back to K's until about midnight last night. I had to be at work today at 1:30, so I had to get up and leave at 8:30. I got pulled over on this really crappy road that everyone speeds on. I got a ticket. Bummer.
Anyway, I just got back from the gym, and I'm exhausted, so I'll post more tomorrow -- including pictures.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
So much news ... so many emotions
- CG just called me to tell me she's moving to Oklahoma. Joe is getting back in the Army, and they'll be stationed there for 6 months, and then they'll move to Georgia for 6 months before going who knows where.
- Rhett Bomar, OU's quarterback, was kicked off the football team today. I think this is actually good. He has a bad attitude and obviously has no integrity, since he was getting paid for a job he wasn't doing (thus, the reason he was dismissed, since that's against NCAA regulations). Besides, Paul Thompson can handle the position, and I'm glad he will get the chance. He's a nice guy, unlike Bomar.
- There is a tropical storm moving in on the Florida coast. Bummer for our trip this weekend. It won't get there until we're leaving, but it'll probably mess with the weather a bit.
Anyway, all these things are crazy news, and I was notified of them literally one after the other. The first two are big shockers. The last one's kind of a bummer.
I'm very sad about CG, too, though. See, now I won't be within 45 minutes of her anymore. I'll only be living near one of my best friends now. I'm still lucky for that, I know, but it doesn't look good for me and Dallas. I'm still going to work on that. But I wanted CG to be my maid of honor someday. It'll be hard if she's living in Georgia this time next year. :(
How am I supposed to be productive at work with all this stuff going on?
Hello, I was SLEEPING!
This morning I was on my mode of mass transportation to work. It takes 45 minutes. (I know!) I read Quick, which is a little tabloid-sized newspaper that has entertainment news, world news and everything else you want to know that's going on in Dallas, Texas and the U.S. They pass it out to you at all the mass transportation stops. So anyway, I was reading that, and it was a bunch of depressing news: (1) The 4-year-old Dallas kid who died a couple weeks ago didn't die of heat stroke on the playground. Instead, the day care owner didn't realize he was in the van, and he died in there. No one knew until the kid's brother noticed (hours later) that he hadn't seen the kid. (2) More poeple died in Iraq. (3) Israel war stuff. (4) Everyone hates Mel Gibson. (5) A 16-year-old boy shot someone -- a 14-year-old. On purpose. (6) A domestic-violence shelter caught on fire.
As you can see, all this stuff is pretty much a downer. So I thought to myself, Screw this paper! This sucks! I'm going to take a nap.
So I did. And this is very common on mass transportation. You're just sitting there, and you're bored. My stop is right after this big stop where almost everyone gets off. So I'm minding my own business and sleeping, and this guy who's about my age taps me on the arm and says, "Is this your stop?" I looked outside, saw it wasn't, looked at him strangely and said, "No."
I realize he was trying to be nice, but I was so confused by the whole thing I couldn't say anything else. And hello? I was sleeping! :)
*******************************************
Thanks Courtney and S for making me feel normal in your reponses yesterday. :) You girls are awesome.
As you can see, all this stuff is pretty much a downer. So I thought to myself, Screw this paper! This sucks! I'm going to take a nap.
So I did. And this is very common on mass transportation. You're just sitting there, and you're bored. My stop is right after this big stop where almost everyone gets off. So I'm minding my own business and sleeping, and this guy who's about my age taps me on the arm and says, "Is this your stop?" I looked outside, saw it wasn't, looked at him strangely and said, "No."
I realize he was trying to be nice, but I was so confused by the whole thing I couldn't say anything else. And hello? I was sleeping! :)
*******************************************
Thanks Courtney and S for making me feel normal in your reponses yesterday. :) You girls are awesome.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
What happened to Miss Independent?
I was on the phone with K last night as I drove back to Dallas from our weekend. He got an e-mail while we were on the phone saying that right now the plans are that he will be leaving on the 15th of August. It had been looking for several days like the 7th of August, which would be a week from today. That's changed now.
For some reason, it made me more frustrated than happy that he'd be here longer. We had already decided our Pensacola trip was back on, so that was a good thing. But I didn't know how many times I could shift around my schedule before my boss becomes unsympathetic to the whole situation. Knowing he's here longer means I'll be driving to Louisiana for two more weeks in a row. Gas is expensive, and money is a little tight right now.
But I was also thinking about something really stupid. I felt like such a selfish, immature and stupid girl for thinking about what was on my mind.
When I told a couple of my friends that K was leaving, they asked if we were getting married first. Maybe if he was going for even 6 months, but 3? Nah. I told K they'd asked me that. He said he'd even thought about it a little bit himself. He would get more money for being gone that way. And we both want to get married someday anyway ...
One of the things I thought about after the shock wore off that he was going was whether we'll get engaged before he leaves. It's something I've been wanting to happen for a long time now, but at the same time, I don't want to get engaged and then send him off. I'd want him to be here so we could enjoy it together. And I wouldn't want him to just throw some quick proposal plan together because he felt like he had to do it before he left. I told him the night we both found out he was going to Afghanistan that he didn't need to worry about anything with us. I'll be here when he gets back. (He's just going to be gone three months! That's like a summer break.)
I had a zillion things going through my head, though, and I felt absolutely ridiculous. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. K was out of the question because I don't want him to feel pressured about that. CG would probably tell me I need to quit worrying about it, and I'd feel really stupid. My single girl friends wouldn't understand at all. I thought of other girls who were dating or married to military guys. They would understand better, I thought, but at the same time, all the girls I know who fit that category are dating or married to one of K's friends. Except for my friend Rebecca. She dated this guy in the Air Force for several years. But she lives with her boyfriend of 2 years now, and they're not engaged. Whatever annoying engagement bug I caught, she doesn't have. Lucky.
I thought about blogging about my frustrations. But I only have 4 or 5 readers anyway, and I like having people read my blog. Writing about everything I was thinking would definitely make you all decide I'm crazy and make you stop reading my blog.
So I called my mom. If I'm crazy, it's her fault anyway. So I was telling her everything I was thinking about, and it was hard to even say some of it because I felt so stupid. (By the way, she told me I sound hormonal. Thanks, Mom.)
But as I was talking to her, I figured it all out. The reason I've been so antsy about wanting to get engaged is because I'm not really happy here. I don't like Dallas. The people here are pretty much selfish and unfriendly. And a lot of them are weird!
I hate my commute and my mode of mass transportation to work. (Two weeks ago, some old guy sat next to me and kept saying something to me. The only thing I could make out was "panties," so I knew I was not hearing him right. Until he touched me a little lower than my lower back and repeated whatever it was I couldn't hear because he was saying it so quietly and because he was a little insane. So I lied to the guy and told him we were at my stop, so I needed up.)
I spend most of my time here alone. I'm more used to it now, but I don't like being alone. I'm a people person. I thrive off of being around a lot of people. That's why I liked band so much. It's a huge group of people who you may have only one thing (band) in common with, but that's enough. I moved from the town I grew up in, where I knew everyone, to Norman for college. Pretty soon, I knew "everyone" there, too. It felt like home. I couldn't go to Wal-Mart without seeing 10 people I knew. Or McDonald's, or the mall, or Kinkos or anywhere else.
When I visit K, we go out in groups with his buddies and their significant others. Like I used to do in Norman and in my hometown.
I had roommates -- three of them, most of the time. In Dallas, I live alone. (Well, actually, I have Noodle now, but I prefer roommates who don't pounce on my pillow while I'm trying to sleep and who I don't have to clean up after every time they poop or pee.) I go to work, and I sit in my office alone most of the day. I'll have to do little things around the office or the building, and I see other people. I'll ask my boss a few questions or interact with people in the bathroom while I'm washing my hands or in the little kitchen area while I'm microwaving my food. But that's not much. If you're friendly to someone on mass transportation, they look at you funny, like you're crazy or something.
So marrying K is my ticket out. That's not all it is, obviously, but it's a solution to the parts of my life I don't like as much right now: (1) I only see K on weekends, (2) I have to drive 5 hours to see him, (3) My commute sucks, (4) I'll get to hang out in groups again, and (5) I'll get a new job -- maybe even a full-time job (but let's not get our hopes up too much... ), which would mean the whole money situation would be better.
It's weird to realize that I'm looking to that frankly nonexistent date I'm hoping will come next summer so I can get out of Texas and all my problems will be solved. Even my blog title has something to do with not liking it here.
I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure. I know marriage isn't perfect and that things aren't always rosy (trust me, my parents taught me that one!). I know not everthing will be perfect just because I get married and move. I know that. I just thing it'll be better.
Sure, I could move out of my apartment, out of Dallas. But where do I go? It's intimidating. The world is a big place! I'd want to go somewhere where I'd be 5 hours or less from K. I certainly wouldn't want to go farther from him. But then, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to do that, either. There are a lot of opportunities in Dallas. It's close to K and still close to my family. I live about 45 minutes from CG and 15 minutes from ER. And even if my job isn't quite full time, it's a good job. It'll look awesome on my resume. And if K and I do wind up getting married next summer, it won't make sense to pack up and restart my life somewhere else, only to do it again less than a year later.
Plus, I can't afford the $2500 it'll cost me to break my lease.
I've never been one to really rely on other people to make me happy. I've always been the cheerer-upper or the one who's happy anyway. I'm pretty sure I'm just lucky enough to have a brain that is really good at producing seratonin. And one that reacts favorably to chocolate.
I had already decided when I found out that K would be gone for three months that during that time, I'd set a goal of learning to like Dallas. It's a quicker solution to most of my little "problems," and it's taking responsibility for making things better myself. All the more reason(s!) to start trying to like Dallas.
For some reason, it made me more frustrated than happy that he'd be here longer. We had already decided our Pensacola trip was back on, so that was a good thing. But I didn't know how many times I could shift around my schedule before my boss becomes unsympathetic to the whole situation. Knowing he's here longer means I'll be driving to Louisiana for two more weeks in a row. Gas is expensive, and money is a little tight right now.
But I was also thinking about something really stupid. I felt like such a selfish, immature and stupid girl for thinking about what was on my mind.
When I told a couple of my friends that K was leaving, they asked if we were getting married first. Maybe if he was going for even 6 months, but 3? Nah. I told K they'd asked me that. He said he'd even thought about it a little bit himself. He would get more money for being gone that way. And we both want to get married someday anyway ...
One of the things I thought about after the shock wore off that he was going was whether we'll get engaged before he leaves. It's something I've been wanting to happen for a long time now, but at the same time, I don't want to get engaged and then send him off. I'd want him to be here so we could enjoy it together. And I wouldn't want him to just throw some quick proposal plan together because he felt like he had to do it before he left. I told him the night we both found out he was going to Afghanistan that he didn't need to worry about anything with us. I'll be here when he gets back. (He's just going to be gone three months! That's like a summer break.)
I had a zillion things going through my head, though, and I felt absolutely ridiculous. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. K was out of the question because I don't want him to feel pressured about that. CG would probably tell me I need to quit worrying about it, and I'd feel really stupid. My single girl friends wouldn't understand at all. I thought of other girls who were dating or married to military guys. They would understand better, I thought, but at the same time, all the girls I know who fit that category are dating or married to one of K's friends. Except for my friend Rebecca. She dated this guy in the Air Force for several years. But she lives with her boyfriend of 2 years now, and they're not engaged. Whatever annoying engagement bug I caught, she doesn't have. Lucky.
I thought about blogging about my frustrations. But I only have 4 or 5 readers anyway, and I like having people read my blog. Writing about everything I was thinking would definitely make you all decide I'm crazy and make you stop reading my blog.
So I called my mom. If I'm crazy, it's her fault anyway. So I was telling her everything I was thinking about, and it was hard to even say some of it because I felt so stupid. (By the way, she told me I sound hormonal. Thanks, Mom.)
But as I was talking to her, I figured it all out. The reason I've been so antsy about wanting to get engaged is because I'm not really happy here. I don't like Dallas. The people here are pretty much selfish and unfriendly. And a lot of them are weird!
I hate my commute and my mode of mass transportation to work. (Two weeks ago, some old guy sat next to me and kept saying something to me. The only thing I could make out was "panties," so I knew I was not hearing him right. Until he touched me a little lower than my lower back and repeated whatever it was I couldn't hear because he was saying it so quietly and because he was a little insane. So I lied to the guy and told him we were at my stop, so I needed up.)
I spend most of my time here alone. I'm more used to it now, but I don't like being alone. I'm a people person. I thrive off of being around a lot of people. That's why I liked band so much. It's a huge group of people who you may have only one thing (band) in common with, but that's enough. I moved from the town I grew up in, where I knew everyone, to Norman for college. Pretty soon, I knew "everyone" there, too. It felt like home. I couldn't go to Wal-Mart without seeing 10 people I knew. Or McDonald's, or the mall, or Kinkos or anywhere else.
When I visit K, we go out in groups with his buddies and their significant others. Like I used to do in Norman and in my hometown.
I had roommates -- three of them, most of the time. In Dallas, I live alone. (Well, actually, I have Noodle now, but I prefer roommates who don't pounce on my pillow while I'm trying to sleep and who I don't have to clean up after every time they poop or pee.) I go to work, and I sit in my office alone most of the day. I'll have to do little things around the office or the building, and I see other people. I'll ask my boss a few questions or interact with people in the bathroom while I'm washing my hands or in the little kitchen area while I'm microwaving my food. But that's not much. If you're friendly to someone on mass transportation, they look at you funny, like you're crazy or something.
So marrying K is my ticket out. That's not all it is, obviously, but it's a solution to the parts of my life I don't like as much right now: (1) I only see K on weekends, (2) I have to drive 5 hours to see him, (3) My commute sucks, (4) I'll get to hang out in groups again, and (5) I'll get a new job -- maybe even a full-time job (but let's not get our hopes up too much... ), which would mean the whole money situation would be better.
It's weird to realize that I'm looking to that frankly nonexistent date I'm hoping will come next summer so I can get out of Texas and all my problems will be solved. Even my blog title has something to do with not liking it here.
I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure. I know marriage isn't perfect and that things aren't always rosy (trust me, my parents taught me that one!). I know not everthing will be perfect just because I get married and move. I know that. I just thing it'll be better.
Sure, I could move out of my apartment, out of Dallas. But where do I go? It's intimidating. The world is a big place! I'd want to go somewhere where I'd be 5 hours or less from K. I certainly wouldn't want to go farther from him. But then, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to do that, either. There are a lot of opportunities in Dallas. It's close to K and still close to my family. I live about 45 minutes from CG and 15 minutes from ER. And even if my job isn't quite full time, it's a good job. It'll look awesome on my resume. And if K and I do wind up getting married next summer, it won't make sense to pack up and restart my life somewhere else, only to do it again less than a year later.
Plus, I can't afford the $2500 it'll cost me to break my lease.
I've never been one to really rely on other people to make me happy. I've always been the cheerer-upper or the one who's happy anyway. I'm pretty sure I'm just lucky enough to have a brain that is really good at producing seratonin. And one that reacts favorably to chocolate.
I had already decided when I found out that K would be gone for three months that during that time, I'd set a goal of learning to like Dallas. It's a quicker solution to most of my little "problems," and it's taking responsibility for making things better myself. All the more reason(s!) to start trying to like Dallas.
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