I cannot concentrate at work today. The wake for K's mom is tonight, and the funeral is tomorrow. I feel terrible that I'm not going to be there. I was okay with it at first, but K told me this morning he talked to Tom and Kristin, and since they're in D.C. now, they're driving up tonight and staying the night for the funeral. They had met K's mom once before a few years ago, so they actually know her better than I did because every time I met her, she was really weak. I think she was in better health a few years ago.
Anyway, I feel so bad about not being able to be there. I looked up tickets when I got to work from Dallas to the airport near his house in PA. To fly out tonight and come back tomorrow so I'd just miss one day of work would cost me at least $900. It makes me feel on one hand a bit better because there's no way I can afford that, so there's no way I can go and it's not my fault. But on the other hand, it seems hopeless and makes me feel awful that K is going through one of the toughest things in his life and I'm not there.
He can't fly back until Saturday morning, and he's driving straight to Dallas because one of my friends is having a wedding reception that night and we had planned to go. K said he wants to go to it still, so that's why he's coming here. And there's definitely more to do in Dallas than where he is in Louisiana.
One of the girls at work today when I was explaining why I was upset (and crying at work ... which I hate doing and have only done here once when I found out someone had stolen an entire box of my checks from the mail and gone on a shopping spree with it) said, "Well, he'll still need you this weekend. And look on the bright side -- after the funeral and everything, these next couple of days will be kind of touchy. If you were there, you'd be like, walking on eggshells or something. They'll be really hard, so at least by the time he gets here he'll be doing better."
I know all those things about the next few days. And that is why I want to be in Pennsylvania for them and not Dallas.
1 comment:
i can totally understand why you are feeling the way you are. it is hard not physically being there for someone when you want to be, but i think it's even more important that you be with him this weekend. it is often after the big events like the wake and funeral that he will really need you. when things slow down and he has to get back to life and figuring things out that he is going to need your support. i'm thinking of you guys.
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