Fools in love

Norman, Okla., is one of my favorite places on the entire planet. I have so many wonderful memories there, and so many things I love came as a result of my time in Norman.

Many of my closest friends -- ER, CG, Jeremy, Danielle, Rebecca -- came from that time. It's where my favorite ice cream place in the world is. It's home to OU and Sooner football, the Pride and everything crimson & cream.

Whenever I'm heading north on I-35, once I pass Purcell and am less than 15 minutes from Norman, I start getting excited. I look over each hill for that first glimpse of campus in the distance off to the east, and I can't wait to get there for whatever reason has brought me to one of my absolute favorite places.

K had only been to Norman once -- for a football game in October 2005 with me, CG and Joe. We had a blast. CG had been in the Pride with me freshman year, so we watched the band warm up before the game in an area of campus called the North Oval. In the Oval is an interesting little structure that looks like a simple, round, concrete bench ... but it's so much more.

The $poonholder has a special legend tied to it, and the history of the sculpture -- legend and all -- is written on a little plaque at its entrance. The legend says that whoever you kiss inside the $poonholder is the person you will marry. CG and I explained this to Joe and K, and ever since then, whenever I'd mentioned to K how I wanted to get him up there to go out on campus corner, he'd say, "Whatever. You just want to get me to the $poonholder!"





(You can click this photo for a larger view to read the legend.)

It's hard to find a weekend where we're both free to get up there, and I try not to subject K to 16 hours in the car in a 55-hour period very often (five to Dallas, three to Norman, then back again). We'd planned on going to my cousin's wedding reception in Oklahoma City, though, which presented the perfect opportunity for a night in Norman.

K and I left Saturday afternoon for the reception. We had planned on stopping in Norman to see Danielle and her fiance, but we were running behind and postponed our plans to a Sunday brunch. Good thing, since K and I made it to the reception just before things started.

K and I were able to see my grandparents, my dad and his girlfriend, and my aunt and uncle and cousins at the reception. When my dad and his girlfriend got ready to leave, I ran out to my car to get their Hawaii souvenirs. They just got a new car, so my dad wanted to show it to K, and they drove around to my car to meet me. We watched my skydiving DVD, and then they left. K and I headed to Norman soon after.

We went out with Rachel and her boyfriend and had a great time. I was so excited to be in Norman with K, and he could tell. He was laughing at how giddy I was to be there with him and with the friends I don't get to see often since I left.

The next day, we met Danielle and her fiance as planned for brunch on campus corner. We had a great meal and a good time. Toward the end, K got up to use the restroom. He was gone for several minutes. I was thinking, "Wow, he must really not feel well." When he finally got back to our table, he said, "Sorry ... work call." I thought that was weird, and I didn't know if he was just joking and saying that sarcastically as a reason he was gone so long, but I didn't think much of it.

I'd already told K we were going to have to take a picture kissing in the $poonholder, so he knew we had that planned. Danielle and her fiance had actually never kissed there either, so I had planned on taking their picture as well. Since we were going to be walking on campus for a bit, I decided to use the restroom before we left. When I got back to the table, I could tell I had interrupted a conversation about K and me. This wasn't abnormal, though -- I figured Danielle had been saying, "So, K, when are you two going to get engaged?" Lucky for them, I was too distracted by two girls making Smores at the table next to us (most awesome item on the menu, and I've never ordered it!) to think much of it.

We left the restaurant and headed toward the North Oval. Still, I thought nothing was going on. K was acting normal, and so were Danielle and her fiance. It had crossed my mind that something could happen, but they were acting way too nonchalant for that to be in the cards.

We got to the Oval, and I took a few pictures. K took off his hat and sunglasses, and I sat my purse down. We stepped into the $poonholder and kissed, and Danielle and her fiance took our picture.

K kissed me again and said, "Well, this is a pretty good way to end the weekend, huh?"

"Yeah," I said. "It is."

He looked me in the eyes and said, "I bet I can top it." With that, he started reaching into the cargo pocket on the right side of his shorts.

I'm pretty sure at this point, I was looking at him confused because I wasn't sure what was coming. There had been times he'd said something that would make my breath catch in my throat and I'd think, "Oh my gosh! Is this it?!" Obviously, those times had turned out to be pretty uneventful. I didn't want to start freaking out, only to see K's right hand emerge with a piece of chocolate or something.

And then he got down on one knee.

At that point, my jaw dropped to the ground, and I was thinking, "Is this really happening?!" He looked up at me, and he didn't say much. He said my full name, and then he said those words I'd waited so long to hear: "Will you marry me?"

I stood frozen for what felt like an eternity, and for a moment I didn't know what I was supposed to do. It was then I realized I hadn't answered him. My eyes were tearing up, but I was surprised that I hadn't started bawling as soon as it happened. I said yes, and he stood up and slid the ring onto my finger. I hugged him again, and we kissed. We were both teary-eyed, and he said to me, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

We stood together for a minute or so, just the two of us, in the $poonholder -- hugging, laughing and enjoying the moment. Danielle and her fiance stayed back patiently and quietly, just taking pictures of us from time to time.

When what had just happened started to hit me, my brain was overflowing with questions. Here's what I found out:

• K's "work" call in the restaurant was really to my mom. He'd called to get her blessing and tell her what he was about to do. He'd gotten her number that morning from my cell phone while I was in the shower.
• He'd asked my dad for permission after the reception the night before, and he'd had the ring in his pocket the whole time. He showed it to my dad, who said he loved it, that he was happy for both of us and that he was glad it was K.
• His buddies at work knew about his plan.
• He'd had the ring in Hawaii (and actually about two weeks before), but he didn't want to propose there because he didn't want to steal the thunder from my cousin and her day. He also wanted to ask my dad for permisson face-to-face.
• He had spent six whole hours in the store in a jewelry store in Houston choosing the band and the diamond for my ring.
• He sold CM's ring in February, and he sold it in Dallas. That news made me think, "Oh, God ... that means her ring was in my apartment." What's funny is I wasn't going to say anything, but immediately, K said, "Don't worry -- it stayed very well-hidden in my truck. It was never anywhere near your apartment."
• The conversation I'd interrupted at the restaurant was K telling Danielle and her fiance his plan. He had said to them, "I need your help," and then showed them the ring. Danielle freaked out and almost started crying. They told her to try to think of the Final Four (she's a huge sports fan) to take her mind off it. She later told us she was thinking, "I love water!" to try to get her mind off it. (Gotta love her -- she's adorable!)
• His dad and his family knew it was coming.
• He didn't have planned exactly when it was going to happen, but he thought Norman would be perfect since I love it so much, and the $poonholder was even better, with my love of all things OU. Everything had come perfectly in line for it to happen that day, since the weather was perfect, he'd seen my dad the night before and he'd been able to call my mom that morning.

After more of the shock wore off, I started calling people -- my dad, my brother, ER, CG, my mom ... My mom was laughing at the fact it was April Fool's Day: "No one's gonna believe you when you tell them!" Luckily, most of my friends know I'd never joke about something so serious. I did have one heck of a time convincing one of my old roommates that I wasn't lying, though.

I think it's perfect that it happened on April Fool's Day. K and I are such a goofy couple that it fit us all too well. Besides, how will we ever be able to forget that one?

It's definitely no April Fool's joke!

Funny thing happened this afternoon ...

I'll give you two hints:


















I hate to leave you hanging, but I'll get to the story tomorrow. For now, I want to spend some time with my fiance! (I'm loving the sound of that!)

Paradise wasn't perfect (my final words on Hawaii -- finally)

K and I did have a fantastic time, but we really needed more than four days there. I've already mentioned that we didn't even have enough time to just relax on the beach, since we wanted to snorkle, skydive and do about a million other things.

I think next time we go on vacation -- especially if it's somewhere like Hawaii -- we won't be so worried about how much time we're taking off work.

Another huge bummer about the trip is that K got a cold sore two days before we left, which meant I couldn't kiss him the whole time we were there. Who knows -- maybe that's part of the reason the only ring I got in Hawaii looked like this:

Bagpipes, the bouquet and the beach

K and I woke up early Saturday morning -- St. Patrick's Day -- to get ready for my cousin's wedding, which was the whole reason we were in Hawaii. I was to go to my cousin's room in our hotel at 9:30 so we girls could get ready together, and the groom was to come to our room so the guys could get ready together. Well, as things often do, everything was running behind.

The wedding was supposed to start at 11. I got to Alicia's room at about 9:45 (late thanks to room service, but I'd given my cousin a head's up on that). I was already showered, so I still had plenty of time to throw my hair back, put on some makeup and slip into a dress. When I got to her room, I was surprised to see Alicia wearing very little makeup and still straightening her hair. She immediately instructed her fiance, maid of honor and me to head down to the lobby to meet her parents and help unload things for the ceremony. K met us in the elevator, since Alicia had called him too.

We all unloaded and helped for a while. At 10:15, I was still in my "Sooners" shorts and a tank top, with no makeup on, since I'd been helping unload.

Soon after that, I got back to the room, and things were still pretty frantic. Alicia's phone was ringing constantly. Her maid of honor and I were in the room with her, but everyone else was setting up. One person would call looking for everyone else, or my aunt and uncle would call needing more help unloading. My cousin was still straightening her own hair. The photographer was late.

This was supposed to be a casual wedding. Alicia had only been engaged for about three months, bringing her total time of knowing her groom to about five months. Obviously, there wasn't a whole lot of planning time involved. At the same time, her dad is the preacher. The wedding party was there, so what more could fall apart, really?

Well, evidently there was a St. Patrick's Day parade in Waikiki, complete with a bagpipe performance -- at our hotel. Alicia hates bagpipes.

She was also having trouble fixing her hair and getting it to look how she wanted it to.

My aunt (the bride's mother) had lost some safety pins in the unloading frenzy. Evidently the pins were needed for something on the dress, so she wound up sewing it right then and there.

The late photographer, the scrambling parents, the guys coming up to ask us (from the hallway) which one was to wear which shirt ... there was a lot more stress that morning than I expected for such a small gathering.

Everything worked out well, though, and it turned out beautifully. The bagpipers even left for their parade -- right at 11! They did happen to walk by as we were about to begin the ceremony. And you know the maid of honor and I had to get a picture with them in their little kilts!

The ceremony was short and simple, as Alicia and her now-husband wanted it. Their kiss was the shortest wedding kiss ever. We joked about it, calling it the "Baptist wedding kiss" (I can totally say that because I'm Baptist).

After the ceremony was over, it was picture time. We were less than 100 yards from the beach, so we walked over to take some pictures there.

I swear, every single person on the beach was staring at us. It was kind of funny. I was glad if everyone was going to be looking at us that I wasn't in a bikini or something. We did get some great pictures, though.

All in all, it was a nice wedding -- short and simple, but really pretty. We had a nice picnic afterward, and my aunt came up to K and me and said to K, "You know, we've got a minister right here. You both are all dressed up. It only takes a few minutes to get a marriage license."

K shook his head, laughing, and said, "I think there'd be one man who'd be pretty upset with me about that."

"My dad? Nah, he gave you permission a long time ago," I said to K.

My aunt said to him, "Hey, he'd probably thank you for it. You'd save him a ton of money."

(Side note: When I told my dad about this later, he said he's going to have to have a talk with K next time he sees him because he wouldn't have been upset. And my aunt was right -- he'd have thanked K for saving him money.)

I told most everyone at the picnic -- including the videographer -- that I was going to catch the bouquet. I don't think it was a big secret to anyone. It definitely was no surprise to my family. The videographer even interviewed me about it.

When it came time to gather for the bouquet toss, though, I was on the outside of the group. Alicia turned and looked at me twice as she prepared to throw it. When she released the bouquet, it went right into the middle of the group, several people away from me. I went for it, but it was kind of a lost cause. This 6-foot-plus girl who was built like a linebacker wound up catching it. Jerk.

I've caught the bouquet before, though -- in September 2005 (just a couple weeks before I told K I knew I wanted to marry him). K caught the garter at his cousin's wedding in May 2006. What's great is that he had held up his hands in front of his face so he wouldn't catch it. And the garter landed on his little finger.

I told the videographer I was disappointed, but the past seems to show that the magic of the garter and bouquet tosses are lost on us. Maybe it's better luck that I didn't catch it.

We'll just have to see how all that goes. Since it was a St. Patrick's Day wedding, it's only fitting to quote an Irish proverb: "The most beautiful music of all is the music of what happens." (Unless it's bagpipes?)

Sometimes it's just not cool to be a girl

It's tough to be a girl. We pick up on things guys don't. We think about things in ways guys don't. We worry and stress over things guys don't. We anticipate things happening that guys don't.

Sometimes some of us obsess over anticipating things happening that some guys evidently don't think about as much as we'd like. But it's not our fault. Do you think we want to think about those things as much as we do?

Friday night I was driving to K's. I had a little over an hour to go before I'd see him for the first time in a couple weeks. I was excited to see him. Somehow, we were talking about money or something -- I honestly can't remember. He said something about how he thought it would be awesome to get a year's pay tax-free, except that would mean he'd be deployed. When I said I didn't realize that, he continued with the perks they get pay-wise in the military (to attempt to make up for all the nonperk things they have to mess with).

Since he doesn't live on post, he gets a basic housing allowance. If he were married, he would get $200 more each. month. for basic housing allowance.

(*insert stopping-the-music-so-quickly-the-record-gets-scratched noise here*)

Excuse me?

Because I'm a girl, that comment frustrated me. And because K is a guy, my guy, the guy, I couldn't tell him why I was frustrated when he asked me moments later why I'd gotten so quiet. I knew it was a stupid girl thing to be upset over, but I'm a girl. I was upset. Since it was something I couldn't tell him about since he (a) wouldn't understand or (b) would get frustrated himself that I'm upset with him that he hasn't proposed yet, I pretty much just thought about it all weekend.

We've acknowledged that we both knew July 4, 2005 -- just a month and half or so after we'd met and the second weekend we ever saw each other -- that we would get married someday. We acknowledged it to each other the following October. His mom told him the following April that she knew we'd get married someday.

We've talked about it. We've talked about where it would happen (Dallas), when (spring or summer; football season is out of the question) and the fact he'd wear his dress blues instead of a tux (I'd totally rather have him wear the tux because he looks really good in one, but I know he's proud of what he does too). We've talked about what kind of food we'd have at the reception and rehearsal dinner (a Yankee Italian meets stereotypical Southern thing -- very us and very fun and laid-back). We've talked about colors and whether or not we'd have an open bar. We've talked about how we'd probably do the sword thing and who would be in that line (since he has so many guys he'd want to involve that it probably wouldn't be just the groomsmen). I've told him I'm okay with the idea of having a guy in that line whack me on the butt on my wedding day, in my wedding dress as we're walking out of the church (It's like a "good game" going into the marriage!).

I'm going to two weddings this spring of couples who met and started dating after K and I even knew we were going to marry someday. My patience is getting thin -- my patience for the situation itself, and my patience at myself for freakin' thinking of this as much as I do.

It must be nice to be a guy ... (at least they have a shot at being normal!)

Gimme a ring sometime

I got in my car tonight when I was leaving the gym and saw I'd missed a call from K. So I called him back. He was with his roommate leaving Wal-Mart.

Now K is a gadget guy. He is very fond of his new Razor phone that he just got. His ringtone for me on his old phone was "Boomer Sooner," the most awesomest fight song ever. :) Well, he downloaded "Boomer" again, but it's just the drum cadence that's the intro of "Boomer." It's equally awesome, but it's not as obvious that it's "Boomer Sooner" unless you're someone who's played OU (and "Boomer Sooner" is played each time we score, it usually gets played a lot) or a big fan of the Sooners.

K's ringtone for everyone else on his phone is Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." Since it's the different "Boomer Sooner" than he intended, he just switched my ringtone back to the same as everyone else's for the time being. So when I called K, his roommate said, "Is that your ring just for her?" K said, "No, I need to get a ring for her. This is the same one I have for everyone else."

But being the quick, engagement-obsessed girl I currently am, I caught that he said, "I need to get a ring for her." He meant ringtone, but that's not what he said. lol So I had to bust him on that, too.

K's awesome horoscope

Again, I don't really believe in these, but who doesn't indulge in a little horoscope reading every once in a while just for the fun of it -- especially when it's at the back of the paper that you've already read all of. It's like a fun reward!

Especially when your boyfriend, who you've known you wanted to marry for like 10 months, has a horoscope like this:

Conditions are excellent now for long conversations about the future. With the right partner, this is the start of something big.

And you better believe I read it to him!!!

The 'm word'

I was going to answer Jes's question to my previous post in the comment section, but I realized it would simply be too long, since the answer is complex and since I hate leaving out details. So here it goes, Jes:

Yes, we have talked about marriage. I knew he was "the one" very early on. We met on May 26 last year. We hung out throughout the weekend in between our friends' wedding activities, and then I went back to Norman, Oklahoma, and he went back to Louisiana. He was out in the field (which, in Army lingo, means that he's basically camping outside in the ridiculous heat; showering in a tiny little curtained-off make-shift shower; eating MREs, which is the Army's version of camp food that they eat in combat and in the field; doing drills and enactments to prepare for combat; and probably some supervising stuff since he's an officer. I'm sure I've missed lots of other stuff, but I think you get the idea.) ...

So he was out in the field for the next month or so, then he went to Pennsylvania to visit his family. Keep in mind that all this time, we were talking on the phone almost every day for two and three hours getting to know each other. It was from these conversations that I started feeling that K was it for me. I didn't tell anyone until August, though, because I didn't want to seem like I was being ridiculous. And for all I knew, when I did get to see him again he might eat with his mouth open or tell really bad jokes or even smell bad and I just didn't notice it before.

He got back from Pennsylvania on July 2. He came to my apartment with flowers, the Howie Day CD, the Coldplay CD and the Dashboard Confessional CD (He'd burned them all for me. He had bought them all online, so they were legal.). It was the second time we'd seen each other. We hadn't kissed yet or even held hands. We hung out at my apartment for about 30 minutes before we headed to Oklahoma to watch my brother race. My family always has our reunions on the 4th of July, so we were going for that, too. It just worked that that was the best time for him to come, which was cool because my family is awesome. :)

On our way to Oklahoma, we had a great conversation. We had somehow talked about cows peeing and were laughing about how funny it is. And then we passed a cow peeing! Once we got to the races, we noticed that we had the same tennis shoes -- mine the women's color scheme and his the men's color scheme. (In case you were wondering, we did finally kiss that night.) At my reunion, everyone loved him. He fit in, and it was great. It was the best 4th of July ever. We made it back to my hometown from the reunion in time to see the big fireworks show there. Afterward, we went back to my dad's and leaned against the fence watching other people's big fireworks all around and a storm that was slowly rolling in, all while cuddling and talking. It was just a nice, relaxing night. That was the night we both fell in love. :)

So about the marriage topic ... He's been engaged before, but he's never been married, so obviously that didn't work out (well, it did for me!). She broke it off with him, and he has said many times he realizes that it was a good thing because they weren't right for each other, but it was still painful.

Like I said, I started telling people in August that I knew I wanted to marry him. The reaction I got from CG: "Duh! I knew a long time ago you guys would get married someday." My dad's girlfriend said, "Good! So we're not the only ones who think that." ("We're" meant my family in OK.) It came up in conversation with one of K's friends one late September night. I had wanted to say something to K that weekend, but the two times I tried to bring it up, something else happened. The first time(Saturday night), I actually think we both fell asleep (it was a late night). And the second time (Sunday morning), I got this random sharp pain that made me go, "Ow!" and explain why I just said that. Since I had told K's friend Jeff, I felt like I needed to tell K before he heard it from his friend. So that night when I called K to tell him I'd gotten home okay, I brought it up. I think it caught him off guard. It didn't go well at all. I was crying and felt so stupid, and when I woke up the next day, I was sure I'd screwed things up. I felt awful. I called CG during my lunch break, and she told me I should e-mail him and explain better what I had tried to say the night before, since the way I was stumbling around trying to tell him sounded like I was trying to either propose myself or tell him I was pregnant. lol

I e-mailed him what I had wanted to say -- that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. I told him I understood if he was apprehensive after what happened to him. I also told him in saying that I didn't mean I wanted to be proposed to that day, the next month or the week before. I just felt that way and wanted him to know. Getting married is something I only intend to do once, and I feel the same about being engaged. I told him I didn't want it to be something that happened before either of us was ready and that I didn't want it to be rushed into. He e-mailed me back and said he wasn't scared off and that he hoped I knew that. He said we'd talk more about it later. I never really brought it up, and he didn't either.

One weekend in January, I was at K's when one of his best friends called and told him he had gone ring shopping with his girlfriend. They'd been dating since sometime in August, at the earliest. K's friend wasn't on speaker, but I could tell by K's reaction what Al had told him. K said, "That's kinda fast, don't you think? Just be careful. Take it from me -- you don't want to rush anything." It really bothered me that K had said that. I went upstairs to give him privacy on the phone. When K came up, I said something to him. I blurted out, "I heard what you said to Al." He laughed nervously and looked at me. I said: "What you said really bothered me. Different things work for different people. He called you with news he was probably excited about, and you were telling him to be careful." I told him I understood he didn't want Al to go through the same thing, but just because it happened to K doesn't mean it'll happen to everyone else. My parents got engaged after they'd been dating/known each other a month. A girl I work with did the same thing. Other couples are together for years before they get married. I said I understood if he was being cautious, but that I wasn't his ex and I wasn't going to do that; I know how I feel about him, and I've told him. I said that if I went off my past, I'd never date again because I've had three boyfriends in my life, and all three have cheated on me. I said that if he wasn't ready to talk about the future, that's fine because I don't want to rush anything. But if the reason we hadn't really talked about it is because of what she did, then it wasn't fair. I told him that what he said to Al really upset me -- both for Al and for me.

After I said all that, K came over to me. I realized he was actually crying. He said I was right and he felt bad for having that reaction to Al's news. He said he didn't want me to think he was just going along and enjoying a free ride, not taking us seriously. He said that he could definitely see us together for a very long time.

Since then, it's sort of come up, but at the same time, not really. Once around Valentine's Day, K was joking around, and he slipped and said I better not let him go to Argentina "until after we get married. We've also each talked together about things we'd do for our weddings. I talked about how all my bridesmaids are going to be brunettes (not intentional -- just my closest friends have dark hair). He named off all 15 of his groomsmen (actually, I think the number was 9 or 10, which is still pretty freakin' ridiculous. the guy has too many close friends! damn Army!). Another time a couple months ago, we were talking about where each of us would get married.

And of course, it came up a few of the times I mentioned in the post about the wedding last weekend. I've also noticed that K has been bringing up the "m word" in conversation in his own odd way lately. For example, the other day, I said, "I love the All-American Rejects!" K responded, "Why don't you marry them." He's been saying that a lot to me over the last two or three weeks. He had never said it before then. I can't help but wonder if it's guy way of getting comfortable saying the word... lol Especially since he never said that before.

So, Jes, to make a short story long (but get in almost every detail), yes. We have talked about marriage. Sort of. :)

Foreshadowing?

The weekend, as usual, flew by. This one, though, seemed to fly by even faster. I left work Thursday to go to K's in Louisiana. On the way, I made my usual stop off at a McDonald's for my quarter pounder with cheese (no onions!). I stopped off this time in Longview, and I actually went in. Can I just say that this is the least McDonald's-looking McDonald's I've ever seen in my life? And isn't McDonald's supposed to be forkids? What happened to the cheesy red and yellow decor, with Ronald and the Hamburgler everywhere?















The first night in Pennsylvania was fun. I played designated driver for K and one of his childhood friends. There was hardly anyone out on a Cinco de Mayo Friday night in Pennsylvania, although everyone seemed to know it was Cinco de Mayo. Somewhere, there had to be a bar full of people. Not where we were.

That Saturday, we slept in and then drove two hours to where the wedding was. It was a pretty drive through the mountains. We don't have many of those in Oklahoma and Texas. One thing I really noticed and liked was the lack of billboards. They're ridiculous in Texas. You can't drive two feet without passing one, it seems.

Before the wedding, we went to K's aunt and uncle's house to follow everyone to the church. We hadn't gotten to wrap his cousin's gift yet, and we were saying hello to everyone and catching up. I didn't realize how little time we had. All of a sudden, K's uncle said, "We need to leave at quarter of." The way he said it made it seem like we had plenty of time to wrap the present. So I was taking my time, and the paper wasn't cooperating. I wanted the gift to look pretty, but I hadn't even gotten the paper cut (I had only been working on this for like 30 seconds, by the way) when his uncle and dad said, "Just fold it and get it done." All of a sudden, his uncle was saying, "We have to go now." There was no "We need to leave in about 10 minutes" or anything like that. I hate being rushed -- especially when I am doing something that I want to look nice. So we hurried and wrapped the present. My side wound up looking terrible, which was frustrating in itself, but then K, who wraps his presents differently than I do, got his to look great because his method works better for when you have too much paper on the side. I just went out to the car and was loading the gift and still feeling frustrated when K came up with a pretty flower he'd pulled from a tree. Who can be frustrated when your boyfriend does something as sweet as that?!















The wedding ceremony lasted less than 15 minutes, which was insane! When we were on our way from the wedding to the reception, I mentioned to K that last time we hung out with CG, she said if K and I get married, our kids will have really pretty eyes. Right then, "Sweet Home Alabama" came on the radio, which is our song. We started laughing, and I thought it would change the subject, but K said, "This would probably be our wedding song." Good thing he was joking. I laughed, though, mocking what it would be like: "Now the bride and groom would like to have their first dance as a married couple." Then, I started humming the opening to "Sweet Home Alabama." We laughed at the thought of it. Then, I said, "Well, it would at least have to be played. We couldn't not play it." K agreed.

The reception was so a blast. We toasted with champagne, and I took it upon myself to prevent the wasting of the glasses that people didn't drink. Don't worry -- I didn't get drunk at K's cousin's wedding. I was having a good time, though. (Besides, at a wedding filled with Italians, who are always making sure you're not hungry or thirsty, no one would have thought badly of me.)

At the wedding K and I went to together last September (the last wedding we were at together), I was called up specifically by the bride for the bouquet toss. K walked behind me on his way to the cake table and said jokingly, "You better not catch that shit!" A few weeks later, I was in a wedding K couldn't make it to because of work. I caught the bouquet. I was willing to throw punches to do it (slight exaggeration -- slight), but I didn't have to. I actually caught it without much effort. I wanted to catch the bouquet at this wedding. But it's K's family, and I didn't want to seem too eager and go all out to catch it. I was still going to try, though ... until I saw K come around the corner to watch. So I decided I'd just let the bouquet go. If it came at me, I'd catch it. Well, the girl to my right caught it, and she had to lean a bit to the right to get it herself. I just stood there. I walked toward K, and he said, "Geez, you could've at least put some effort into it!" I said, "I thought I wasn't supposed to catch it! Trust me, I would have caught it!"

And then it was time for the garter toss. K was at the far front and right of the pack. His cousin kind of sling-shotted the garter back like a rubber band, and it went right at K. He lifted his arm, and the garter landed on his finger -- effortless. He looked right at me and laughed. His aunt (the groom's mom) screamed, "YAY! You're next!" and came at me, giving me a huge hug. It was awesome.

Everyone had been teasing us before, saying, "When are you guys getting married?" and "So you guys are next, right?" So of course it was even worse after he caught the garter. Not that I minded at all.

K wore his dress blues to the wedding, and everyone was talking about how sharp he looked. I met the groom's brother, David, and his fiance. She was so nice! Their wedding is set for next September, so everyone was saying we could actually be next. And if the conversation K and I had a few weeks ago about August being a good month winds up happening, then everyone's prediction and the garter toss will be right!

Sometime during the reception when everyone was asking us about the whole marriage thing, K said something to me playing the tough guy role, acting like it wasn't going to happen. I had had a bit of champagne (and a cosmo... and an apricot sour), so I said, "Whatever. You're so gonna marry me." I forgot I'd said that until the next day, when we were at the airport and he started laughing randomly. I asked what was so funny, and he quoted me: "You're so gonna marry me." I had actually forgotten that I'd said that until he repeated it. But the good thing, I think, is that he repeated it. :)

That Sunday, we had lunch with his family. I'd had a conversation with the bride and her mother in the bathroom at the reception about K and me. They were both in the "you guys are next" camp, so we were talking about that. When we said our goodbyes that Sunday to head back to K's parents' house, the bride's mom said, "Good luck with the future" and winked at me. :)

I hope the good lucks, the garter toss and predictions bring something on soon!

Back in Texas ... and what sucks about being tall

My Oklahoma weekend with K was great. K drove here from Louisiana, and we drove together to Oklahoma. We got to my dad's at about 1:15 a.m. We stayed up and talked to my dad and his girlfriend until 2:30-ish, and then we all went to bed. K and I got up early Saturday morning and ran around the park a couple of times. It was nice, and I did much better than when we ran in Pennsylvania. There were a lot fewer hills, too. :)

After that, we went straight to my dad's store for breakfast with my family. The weather was great, so my dad kidnapped K (not really) and took him golfing. As soon as they left, I said to everyone, "He better have a very important question for my dad while they're gone!" :)

After they got back, we cleaned up and met one of my friends who I hadn't seen in years. She's my age, but is married, has a 5-month old adorable son, and her husband is building them a house. Our lives are so different! It was good to see her, though. By the time we left them, it was 5:30, and all we had eaten was breakfast. We were starving, but we were supposed to meet my mom at 6 for dinner. So we snacked until it was time to leave, then met her and her husband at my favorite restaurant. I hadn't seen my mom since Christmas Eve, and we hadn't talked in a couple of months because we've been fighting (we don't really get along). Dinner went well, and then she and her husband folluowed us to the races to watch my brother. He did really well. He has two cars -- his car from last year and his new one this year. He won one qualifying race and came in third in the other. In the main race, he won in the not-so-fast class. In the fastest class, he led for 15 laps (there are 20), then his motor blew at lap 18. It sucked. K and I didn't get to race like we'd planned. But my brother did well, and I was proud of him.

We all went back to my dad's after. K and I were in the bedroom after we first got there. He had sat down on the bed and laid down where he was sitting. He was trying to get me to lay down, which I didn't want to do and didn't think was a good idea at the time, so I turned to leave and motioned for him to come with me. He reached his legs out to catch me and stop me. He had his ankles wrapped around my legs, and as I turned to leave, my knee dislocated and I dropped to the ground to get my weight off it.

I knew immediately what had happened. I grew pretty quickly in high school, and my knees didn't keep up with it. I dislocated them five times between the two of them, all doing simple things like walking a bike, moving like I was going into the splits (front-to-back splits), standing on one foot to climb over a chair at the movies, and even sitting on my bed doing math homework -- with my knee brace on! I had surgery after the first injury -- the walking the bike one. (It fully dislocated and chipped a piece of bone, which lodged into my joint. The doctors had to remove the piece and repair the cartilage.) Some of the times, my knee only partially dislocated, but that's still not a normal -- or good thing -- to have happen. I used to call the time when my knees were both healthy and I wasn't in a brace my "off season." The fifth time my knee was right at five years ago. My doctor told me I would have to do these specific exercies for the rest of my life. Every once in a while, my knee will still feel funny, but I figured for the most part I was over the trouble. After all, I'm not growing taller anymore.

Anyway, so I immediately changed from my jeans into shorts because I knew once my knee swelled, it would be tough and painful to get them off. My knee didn't swell, though, but the next day it was still tender and tight in places. I think what happened is that it partially dislocated, which still worries me because my brain says if it happened once, it could happen again.

K felt really bad about what happened. I told him it wasn't his fault and that he hadn't done anything that would have hurt any normal person who didn't have knee problems. I told him it didn't hurt, and that it just scares me when it happens.

So after that little scare, we all went back into the kitchen. It was me, K, my dad and his girlfriend, and a family friend and his wife. My brother and a couple of his friends came by, so we were sitting around talking and eating. After a while, K and I both went back to the room because I was so tired. He actually fell asleep before I did. Everyone was being pretty loud, so I woke up several times between that and K's snoring. :)

We woke up about 9:30 for breakfast and then went golfing. I just rode in the golf cart because I was worried about my knee and was limping a bit to avoid bending it. After golf, we went back to the house and sat outside talking and laughing at my dad's girlfriend's daughters' (got that?) puppy.



He's about 3 months old. He's really cute, but he's really dumb. His name is Chewy, short for Chewbacca. I have no idea why the girls picked that name.



We left that afternoon and came back to Texas. We got some dinner, brought it back to my place and watched the end of movie. Then we watched the end of another movie. By then, it was 10, and K usually tries to leave by 7 so he doesn't get back to Louisiana too late. I worry when he drives so late. Neither of us was ready for him to leave, but he had to go.

I talked to my dad's girlfriend on the phone after he left. She said that our family friends were asking when they think K and I will get married. They're all guessing sometime next summer. But first, he has to ask the question. Hopefully he got one step closer to that this weekend!

Oklahoma-bound

K is on his way here right now, and we'll hang out for a bit and head to Oklahoma! I'm excited! I haven't been since Christmas. I've been busy!

Since I've been home, I've been to Savannah, Georgia; NYC; Pennsylvania (twice); and Louisiana more times than I can count. And Fort Worth, but that's still in Texas. I guess, actually, I went to Lawton, Oklahoma, in February, but I haven't been to my hometown since Christmas.

We'll get there kind of late tonight, but tomorrow K and I will get up and go running around the park. Then, we'll have my dad's famous barbecue at his store for lunch. That night, my mom is coming in with her husband, which will be interesting because I haven't talked to my mom in like two months at least because we're fighting. But we'll all go to dinner. And then she and her husband are going to watch my brother race. Obviously, K and I will be going to the races, too.

What's really cool, though, is that there's a special race afterward, and K and I will get to race each other in it! It'll be crazy! I drove my brother's race car once when I was 18, I think, and I swore I'd never do it again. I told K he should feel lucky because the only reason I'm doing it is because he's doing it too.

That Sunday, we'll all get up and go golfing. All the guys in my family golf, and my dad has some friends who will be visiting this weekend from Norman, where I went to college. I'm excited for K to meet them. I'm hoping that K has something to *ahem* ask my dad. That'd be awesome.

Everyone at work keeps asking me about when "it's" coming, and several of my friends are, too. So exciting. Hopefully sooner than later!!!

In the stars?

Okay, so I don't really believe in this stuff, but it's fun to read it sometimes, and it's definitely fun to twist them into what you want.

For example, here are two of K's horoscopes from last week:
"It's possible you'll experience a bit of buyer's remorse. This is only natural. You've chosen well, so stop worrying."
"Push to get the shopping done and all the arrangements made. The sooner this is done, the sooner you'll get on to other things."

And my fortune cookie from a trip to Pei Wei last Saturday with K:
"Be prepared to receive something special."

I'm ready!!! :)

Playing house

K came in to visit me this weekend, and as usual, it was wonderful. He actually surprised me Friday night by getting here about an hour and half earlier than he had led me to believe he would. I had planned on running to Wal-Mart, vacuuming my apartment, cleaning my bathroom, then showering and shaving my legs so I would be smooth and feeling refreshed when he got here. I was on the phone with him as I got back to my apartment from Wal-Mart. I got out of my car and started unloading my groceries when our conversation was cut off. I figured he'd gotten somewhere where he lost his signal. All of a sudden, I hear him say, "I figured, why should I talk to you on the phone if I could just talk to you in person." I was totally shocked. It was great to have him there early. We just laid around my apartment and watched TV. K was actually pretty tired after his drive from Louisiana, so we went to bed at about 11:30.

Saturday, we woke up and talked and went back to sleep and woke up and drifted off again. We did that until about 10-ish, I guess, and then we watched TV for a bit, and K started looking for plane tickets for Easter weekend. We went out to lunch, and then we went shopping. We had bought some gerbera daisies and little pots for my porch. I planted them, and we did laundry together. K had also bought a blender to make his little protein smoothies when we were shopping. We had gotten a strawberry daiquiri mixer to test it out. We cooked dinner together that night at my apartment. I'd found this recipe for pineapple chicken, so we made that. It was really fun cooking together. K made us the daiquiris, so we had our grilled pineapple chicken with salad and grilled pineapples with our yummy strawberry daiquiries.

After dinner, we cleaned up the kitchen and got ready to go see K's friends who are in from Germany. I had only met them once before. They're married, and they're both in the Army. Brandon, the husband (obviously), had been K's roommate a few years ago, and he's one of K's best friends. We didn't leave to go meet them until 11:30 or so, so we were both pretty tired by the time we got there. They were staying with a friend of Brandon's wife, and the area they live is growing rapidly. So rapidly, in fact, that there are just no street signs on some of the roads. It makes it pretty difficult to get somewhere when you don't know what street your on! So K and I were pretty frustrated for a while there.

What I appreciate about our relationship, though, is that we tell each other if we're angry or getting frustrated. And it's always fine. Great communication really is key to a relationship. And after my last relationship (which had terrible communication), I definitely believe it.

It was fun seeing Brandon and his wife again. K and Brandon had gone outside for quite a while and talked by themselves. I stayed in the house and talked to the friend whose house we were at. She was really nice. K did say that he and Brandon had talked about me while they were outside. I couldn't help but wonder what K had told him... :) We got home pretty late last night after hanging out with K's friends. We slept in this morning and went to Fuddruckers for a nice, unhealthy burger. We went to the car wash, came back to my apartment and relaxed on the couch all day. It was so nice, and I hated that it all went so fast, as usual. When he left, he said how great the weekend had been and how much he had enjoyed cooking dinner together. Days like these last two make me wish that someday soon they'll turn to an everyday thing -- that the flowers I put in cute pots we picked out together will go on our front porch, that we'll cook dinner together in our kitchen and that he won't have to leave by 7 on Sunday night so he can get home at a decent time because he'll already be home ... with me.

Weekend of movies & food

Obviously, I made it okay to Louisiana. I finally got off work at 8, so I got there about 12:45-ish. K was passed out on the couch, exhausted from a lovely 8-mile road march that morning. His roommate had gone to Houston to visit a friend for the weekend, so we had the place to ourselves. It was nice!

Saturday we watched Red Eye, which is a pretty good movie. I absolutely love Rachel McAdams, but I just felt like I had this ball of tension that the movie didn't quite resolve. I know it sounds weird, but K said he felt the same way.

That night, we went with one of K's friends to this great Cajun restaurant called D.I.'s. I didn't even really like seafood a year ago, but I went to Hawaii to visit family and found some stuff I like (calamari; mahi mahi; different kinds of shrimp, which I thought was tolerable before the trip). Anyway, I had never had crawfish until this past Super Bowl weekend, when I tried it at a Super Bowl party with K. So I was pretty proud of myself for venturing outside of my usual pizza/Italian/Mexican/quarter-pounder-with-cheese box and trying a bite of gumbo, a frog leg and a fried oyster. I also ate alligator, which I had had once before in New Orleans my junior year in college, and there was crawfish in the gumbo (my third time eating it!). Now this was all stuff that I tried from K's plate and from his friend. I definitely ordered fried shrimp. But still, I tried new things. This restaurant was great, though. The atmosphere was really fun. There was a great Cajun band (that's not what the Cajuns call it, but I've never lived in Louisiana, so I can neither pronounce, remember or spell what they call it, but I would guess it starts with an X) and a small dance floor, so several people were out dancing. The old couples are always the cutest.

Sunday morning, we just stayed in bed late and cuddled and talked. It was great. We actually got on the topic of weddings because I had been talking to K's friend the night before about his wife. I asked how long they'd been married, and he told me since September. I said, "You got married during football season?!?" I asked K that morning if he could ever get married during football season. He said no, and I asked if he really felt that way, or if he was only saying it because I felt that way. He said, "Spring or summer." I said, "What about the other two seasons?" He said he would just want to get married in the spring or summer, and I agreed. I would want to get married in a dress that didn't have long sleeves. And there are just too many good games on to get married during football season! Besides, I couldn't ask my family or friends to do that. ;) So we wound up talking about weddings for a bit. Nothing too big or too long, but it was cool to talk about it and realize we had similar ideas. That should make things easier. ;)

That afternoon, we went to the gym with his friend we'd gone to dinner with the night before. I hadn't been to the gym in almost two weeks, so on one hand the treadmill was about to kill me, but on the other, it was a good near-death feeling. :) Afterward, the three of us went out to Johnny Carinos -- one of my favorites -- and to see V for Vendetta. It's actually a good movie. I had gone in expecting to not dislike it or like it, but I was surprised.

Then, this morning, I got up, got ready and drove back here to work this afternoon. It was a really great weekend, but, as usual, it went by too quickly.

Sleepy day, weekend details

It's icky outside today. It rained all day yesterday, and I got to bed late. Both of these things are making it very hard to stay awake and aware at work today.

I had a great weekend with K, as usual. We went to see Tom & Kristin in Oklahoma. They're always fun to hang out with. They have known K for years, and I consider them friends of mine now, too. In fact, Kristin was one of the first people I told about how I really felt about K (the whole "wanting to marry him" thing). We went out to a couple of bars on St. Patty's day. We closed down one and went to IHOP afterward. It was so fun and goofy!

We slept in Saturday and had a lazy day. We had lunch with a few more of K's friends, two who I'd met several times before and one I'd never met. We went to Sam's Club, and K and I walked around trying different samples in the grocery department. :) Afterward, we hung out at Tom & Kristin's. We all went to dinner with the friend I'd never met and his wife. Then, we went back to Tom & Kristin's and watched more basketball and a few movies. I saw The Girl Next Door for the first time. I was disappointed. I didn't like it.

K had passed out on our bed for the weekend (from being tired, not being drunk). I got ready for bed and proceeded to try to get him up, which is always really hard to do at night. I didn't think he was even listening to me. The thing is, I had always been the one in the past (in previous relationships) who was tired from work and long days, and my boyfriend was always the one who got to sleep in and could stay up later as a result. So I know that K can hear what I'm saying. He was tired, but he was making a decision to be lazy and ignore me. He had opened his eyes, so I knew he was awake, and I told him this. I said: "Right now you're deciding to ignore me, and I know this. You're taking up the whole bed the way you're laying. Please get up and get ready for bed so I can go to sleep." He kept ignoring me. After I kept trying to get him up, I finally said, "You're being selfish. Just get up and get ready for bed." So he gave me this pissed off look, and he finally got up after a little more prodding. I asked him if he was mad at me, and he said yes. I grabbed his arm and tried to talk to him, but he was still kind of out of it and was pulling himself toward the bathroom. He went and brushed his teeth, and by the time he finished, I was so tired I was half asleep. He just got into bed without saying anything, and he didn't even curl up next to me.

I woke up a few times in the night, and he was still over on the other side of the bed. I didn't know what the situation was, so I didn't wake him or curl up next to him. The next day, though, he apologized for being stubborn and for not sleeping next to me all night. He said he was sorry that he didn't talk to me about it instead of going to sleep. I told him he was forgiven, and we made a deal that it wouldn't happen again. We said in the future, we would always talk about it instead of leaving it on a bad note. I don't know if I would call that our first fight, since to me, a fight is to people going back and forth, sometimes saying things they don't mean. A fight is an argument. And that's not what this was. It was just crankiness and stubborness.

So we made up, and everything was fine. We had a late breakfast with Tom & Kristin and headed back home. It was raining like crazy, so our drive wound up being pretty slow, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. K stayed with me at my apartment for a while. We got pizza for dinner (yum!), and he planned on leaving at 9 so he could get home about 1:30. One of his friends, though, was stuck at the Atlanta airport and was trying to figure out a way to get back to Louisiana. K told him to see if he could get a flight to the airport near me, and then he could ride back to Louisiana with him. His friend was able to get a flight that came in at midnight, so K stuck around with me until he had to leave for the airport.

We just kind of relaxed and watched TV. We cuddled and then some. It was nice. We were talking, and we somehow got on the subject of money or credit cards or something. He said something about the amount of debt he has, which really wasn't a bad number, considering he owns his SUV and his 60-inch TV. Anyway, it still was a little more than I expected. So I looked at him with raised eyebrows, said, "Really? Isn't your truck paid off?" He nodded, and he held up his left hand, waving his fingers like the "spirit fingers" guy in Bring It On, meaning it was debt from CM's engagement ring. It seemed like a lot to spend on a ring. I said, "I had no idea they were that expensive." He gave a little "hmph" and said, "I didn't either." I waited for a second, then said, "How much did you spend on it?" He immediately said, "That's not a valid question." What he meant to say was something more along the lines of, "I'm not going to answer that." I knew that was what he meant, and I immediately felt like a jerk for asking it. I told him I was sorry. I said it again to make sure he both heard it and understood that I meant it. He said not to worry about it. I felt terrible, though. I had this awful feeling like I had crossed the line or disappointed him or something. I moved closer to him, put my hand on his arm and looked him straight in the eyes, and I said "I'm really sorry." He told me it wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't think twice about it. But I still felt like a jerk for the longest time.

Part of me was tempted to say to him, "Well, if that comes up with us, I like small, simple jewelry," or something like that. But I was afraid I had already crossed the line once and didn't want to do it again.

I felt like a jerk still for another hour or hour and a half. He kept asking me what was wrong because I was being pretty quiet, but I kept telling him I was fine. I'm sure he figured out it had something to do with my question, since that's when I started being quiet. I'll probably tell him when I talk to him tonight that that's what was wrong.

I've never had this problem before. It absolutely kills me to do anything that upsets him or disappoints him. And I know that what I asked didn't, but I just felt bad for asking something I shouldn't have.

I felt back to normal before he left, and we were back to joking and laughing again.

I talked to him this morning, and he and his friend didn't get home until 6:30 because the rain was so bad. I got to bed at midnight, and I'm exhausted, so I'm sure he's even worse. Hopefully we'll both get more sleep tonight.

An agenda?

Okay, so I know I shouldn't be reading into things too much and getting too excited, but I can't help it. When K was here last weekend, we were talking about what we're doing this upcoming weekend. He has a three-day weekend (which may turn into a four-day weekend), so that gives us a lot more options of what to do. Since he's five hours away, even going somewhere an hour or two away is quite a bit to add to such a small amount of time outside of a car for a 48-hour period.

K had been wanting to go back home to Pennsylvania to visit his mom because she's sick. I suggested he look into going this weekend, since he has a couple extra days off. He said, "I thought we were going to Oklahoma." I hadn't realized that was the plan. I think I remember it coming up that we hadn't been there in a while and would have to go again soon to visit my family. But we hadn't made plans. K checked into going to Pennsylvania anyway, and it was going to cost $900. So then, the plan became to go to Oklahoma again to see my family.

THEN, I got an e-mail from Kristin. She said she and Tom both want to see us again before they move to Washington, D.C. They're moving in a little less than a month, so things are only going to get more hectic for them. I suggested to K that we go see them instead. They're in Oklahoma, too, but they're about two hours from my hometown. K thought it was a great idea to go see him, but he asked if we'd still be able to go to my hometown. I said, "You mean go to both in one weekend?" He said yes. I told him it didn't make much sense because they're far enough apart it'd be too much of a hassle and too much time in the car to make going to both worthwhile, since we'd have to leave Sunday night no matter where we go for me to be to work. That would give us only one day with Tom & Kristin.

So this weekend, we're going to go see them. I told K we can go see my family some other time. It's a shorter drive from where I live, anyway. But what I can't help but wonder is why exactly K is so anxious to go visit my family.

Perhaps he has something to ask my father? *blinking innocently*

Words of relief

So I'd talked to a few of my best girl friends about my whole thoughts about K's ex-fiance. Last night, I was talking to CG, one of my best friends (it was actually her wedding where I met K). She knew about the dream I'd had in the past -- the one where I randomly met K's ex, and she was still wearing the ring -- and I told her about my dream from the other night. So we were talking about it for a while, and she told me she was going to "go Dr. Laura" on me. I said, "Good! Please do!" I know that what I was worrying about and stressing myself out about was ridiculous. There's nothing between them anymore. They barely even talk! I trust K 100 percent. And I know we'll get married someday. CG even told me she knows without a doubt that we'll get married someday. We really are perfect for each other.

But I already knew that. She wasn't saying anything new. She said to me, "It's not a competition." I said, "I know, and I'm not thinking of it that way at all. I just don't understand why she knew she didn't want to marry him, but he proposed to her. I told him how I feel, he says he's so much happier with me, that we get along so much better and have so much more fun together. And we had even seen each other so much more six months into our relationship than they had for the whole year-plus they were together. Why, if things are so perfect with us but weren't with them, did he propose to her after 10 months? What is it about her that made him want to propose, but we've barely talked about it?"

And CG said to me, "You think a lot longer and harder about things that involve the people you love and care about the most."

I seriously felt so much better -- instantly. I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted. It wasn't something that had been weighing me down over the course of our relationship, but it was something that I did think quite a bit about. At least a couple times a day. And her response made so much sense.

K proposed to his ex in Las Vegas. I had asked him once about it all. He said he knew that was where he was going to do it, but he didn't know when or exactly where in Vegas. Now, to me, Vegas is not a romantic place. It's not a place I would ever imagine K proposing. It's the land of gambling, legalized prostitution, quickie marriages... It's the place people sneak off to to get married when their parents don't approve. It's the city of bad decisions -- bank accounts gambled away; "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"; cheating; lying. But I've never been there, and K said that, despite its reputation, it actually has some romantic parts. But still, it just doesn't seem like a place he'd pick to do one of the most romantic things a guy does for a girl.

Now I feel so much better about the whole thing, and I understand. K knows how I feel, and I've also told him that I don't want to rush into anything. I want it to be done once, and I want it to be when we're both ready. That hasn't changed. Just what was making me confused is that we're nearing the point (time-wise) where he and his ex got engaged. I felt if things were so much better for us and he knew by then with her, he should have known a long time ago with me.

CG's advice made me realize and appreciate why he's taking his time. That way, when he does it, it'll be done right, and it'll be done only once.

Nightmares of K's past

So things with K are still going great. I haven't seen him in a little over a week, but I get to see him this Friday, and I can't wait. The one thing that isn't perfect in our relationship isn't a big deal, but it's something that haunts me more than he knows.

K's last relationship ended a year ago last October. He was with the girl for a little over a year. They were engaged, but she broke it off. Almost all of K's friends have told me that they liked her, but that there was just something missing with her, or something not quite right about the two of them. One of K's best friend's wives (Kristin) -- who is actually K's ex-fiance's best friend (it was at Kristin's wedding that K met his ex-fiance) -- told me that the girl had an unhealthy view of marriage, since her parents divorced at an early age. She had actually told Kristin the day that K bought the engagement ring that she knew she didn't want to marry him. My question: WHY DID SHE SAY YES?!? Kristin told me that the girl knew if she was going to marry anyone, K was a great guy and there wouldn't be much better than him to spend the rest of her life with.

Now, K and I didn't know each other at this time, and I was in a bad relationship of my own, but I knew we would never get married. It really doesn't make much sense, but it's hard for me to know that he's been engaged before. I knew he had been the night we met. It's not like it was some surprise that surfaced after we'd been together a few months. But the thing is, I always imagined the guy I would marry someday would say to his friends when I wasn't looking, "I'm gonna marry that girl someday." Did he say that about her? I know he probably doesn't say it about me, even though he's told me he could see us together for a long time.

And we really haven't talked about the whole marriage thing but a couple times. I brought it up very nervously in late September. I knew I felt that way about him, and it came up in a conversation with one of his friends. Everyone in my life knows I want to marry him. My whole office knows. My whole family knows. All my friends know. Everyone. So when it came up with his friend, I figured I should tell him pretty soon because his friend may actually remember I said it (despite the few beers under his belt at the time) and tell K before I could. So I told him that I knew I wanted to marry him someday. That was in September. We started dating at the end of May. I realize this was fast, but when you know, you know -- right? So I think it kinda freaked K out because he didn't expect me to say that. I was worried that I had really screwed things up the next day, and we actually wound up e-mailing each other at work about it, and it wasn't a big deal. I told him that I wanted him to know I only plan on getting engaged once. I don't want it to be rushed into, and I don't want it to happen until we're both ready. I told him I understood if he was hesitant to talk about it because of what happened to him. I had only wanted him to know I felt that way.

So he told me he understood and that he wasn't freaked out. He said we would talk about it more later. We've talked about it very briefly a couple times since then, but not really a big conversation. Once, he was talking to one of his college buddies, and the guy was telling K he'd gone ring shopping with his girlfriend, who he'd started dating in August (which is three months *after* K and I started dating). Anyway, K told his friend to be careful: "You don't want to rush anything. Take it from me." At that point, I left the room to give him privacy and because I had some things to think about. It had hurt my feelings that he'd said that. I confronted him later about it. I told him I figured out what his friend had said by his response, and that his response wasn't cool. I told him that different things work for different people. His friend was calling with some exciting news that he wanted to share, and K was responding with a negative, damning comment. I told him that I understand that his ex-fiance really hurt him and that he didn't want to see his friend go through that, too, but that that wouldn't happen to everyone. I told him if I based my fears off past relationships, I'd never date again because I'd be convinced any guy I dated would cheat on me (I am three for three, after all). I told him that he knows how I feel about him, and that I don't want to rush anything and that if he wasn't ready to talk about that, it was fine. But I didn't want the reason we hadn't talked about it to be because of her, because that's not fair to me. I told him his response to his friend's news really upset me -- for his friend and for me.

So K wound up actually crying and apologizing. He said he didn't want to be "that guy," and he felt bad that he had reacted that way to his friend. He apologized to me and said that he didn't want me to think he was just floating through our relationship. He said he was really happy and could see us being together for a really long time. He wanted me to know he was taking it seriously and that it wasn't just going nowhere.

So that's about as much as we've talked about it. I asked him a few weeks ago some more questions about his relationship with his ex. He told me that he realizes now that he really didn't love her, that he only proposed to her because everyone else his age was getting married and it seemed like just what was supposed to come next. He said they didn't have the connection that he and I have, and that they didn't know each other as well. They didn't talk about as deep or intimate things as we do. And they didn't have as much fun as we do together. So that made me feel good. He said that she has nothing on me.

I've told K several times that he doesn't need to compare the two of us. I know if things don't work out for us, I'd be sad to think that he could be downplaying what we have to some other girl later, so I don't want him to do that to his ex.

But I feel like she's still ahead. Not that it's a competition by any means. But she has something that I don't, and something that I will never be able to have. She has his first proposal. That's something a guy puts a lot of thought and effort into. And if we get engaged, it'll be his second time around. Not that that will make it any less special for me, by any means. But what I really have trouble with is that I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about him. I have never felt ready to marry someone until him. And if things don't work out with us, I'll be absolutely devastated. I can't imagine ever feeling about someone or loving another guy the way I do K. And to me, if he felt about her the way I feel about him (which, to me, it seems he should have, since they were engaged), then there's no way he can't have feelings for her still.

He's told me time and again that she made any feelings he had for her disappear when she broke off the engagement. He's told me that he realized he didn't really truly love her. He's told me all of these things to reassure me (Not that I bring this up with him a lot or anything. It's just come up a few times over the last 9 months.). But I still can't get it through my thick head!

I've even had dreams about her. Last night, I had a dream that K and I were shopping. He was in a different store, and I ran in to this little shop/boutique. I found this pair of socks (?) that I wanted, and I was talking to a worker about one of them. She told me that CM (she said K's ex's name) had just sold a pair earlier. I looked over, and I saw her leaning over a table, straightening some shirts. When I looked at her, she did kind of look like the few pictures of her I had seen before. But she had brown hair. (I'm the first brunette K has ever dated. His ex was a blonde. And K, who says he's a "butt guy," said she had a big butt and was flat-chested. I have a small butt, and I'm flat-chested, too. K told me he thought her butt was too big. I can't help but wonder if he thought it was too big when they were together, or if he's decided since.) I noticed that she also had big boobs and a small to average-sized butt. I said to the girl who was helping me, "That's CM? I'm dating her ex-fiance now. I'm K's girlfriend." Now K's ex has told him (in real life) that she'd like to meet me some time, which is fine, but at the same time, it's weird -- why does she want to meet me? He's out of her life. She made it that way. But I looked at her (in the dream) and said nothing to her. She didn't even see me.

So I walked out on the street, and K was walking toward me and the store. I said to him, "You'll never guess who's in there." And I said his ex's name. He looked at me with a strange look on his face, because even I know she doesn't work at a clothing boutique. But we didn't go in. And that's all of the dream I remember. I think it was over then.

I really wish I could stop making her an issue. She's not for him, and I really don't think he knows how much I think about him and her. I've had a few dreams about her before. In one, I realized who she was, and she was still wearing the ring. Her friend was bragging about it. I turned to her and said, "Don't you know who I am?! I'm K's girlfriend now. Why are you still wearing that? You broke it off!" What's weird is that I know she doesn't even have the ring anymore. He has it in a safety deposit box.

I can only hope that someday when we do get engaged, I won't feel she has something I don't. All of his friends have told me -- unprodded, I might add -- that he's so much happier now and that we go together so much better. They've told me I'm perfect for him. I am with him now, and we make each other happy. She's really not in the picture. He barely talks to her anymore -- maybe once every three months or so. I trust him completely. I know he has no feelings for her, but I still can't get the whole thing out of my head.

Is this normal???

New Orleans/Mardi Gras miss, Baton Rouge blessing

So this past weekend was my Mardi Gras "adventure," if you can all it that. K got stuck at work a little late Friday night, so we didn't leave until about 8:45, which put us in New Orleans at about 12:30 in the morning. We stayed with my friend, who I hadn't seen in years, so we talked to him for a while before going to bed. K pretty much passed out, but this stupid hedgehog that was in the room with us kept me up all night! We slept in on Saturday (as much as we could with the dang hedgehog making all that noise burrowing under the newspaper in his little cage) before going to lunch with my friend.

The parades that day got cancelled because of rain, so that sucked. We drove around the city for a bit. We got stuck in traffic for over two hours, but we didn't care because (1) we were together, and (2) we had my homemade chocolate chip cookies in the car with us. We wound up meeting K's friend Rob at his girlfriend's house. Rob is in the Army with K, and I'd met his girlfriend a few times before. So we went to dinner with them at this wonderful restaurant -- the Cheesecake Bistro. Of course we had cheesecake for dessert. It was amazing.

I took some pictures of the city when we were driving around. You could definitley tell New Orleans had been hit by a hurricane, but it didn't look like it had been completely flooded for weeks.

























































Then, we went to Bourbon Street and a bar called the Cat's Meow. It was kinda fun, but we missed the whole Bourbon Street atmosphere because we were in the bar the whole time. I did take a couple quick pictures before we left:





























So that night, K and I decided to try to find a hotel room so we could actually sleep. We figured it would be tough, but given that Bourbon Street wasn't that crowded, we were hopeful. For no reason, it turned out. We drove all over west New Orleans looking for a hotel with vacancy. We stopped all along the highway with no luck. Finally, at about 5:30 a.m., we found a hotel room at a Best Western in Baton Rouge. So we got a little sleep and a nice shower.

It turned out to be a good thing that we wound up in Baton Rouge. We got to see the swamp during the day, which is really cool (sorry for the shots from the car):




























We drove around Baton Rouge for a bit. Then, we saw this pretty area by the Mississippi River with a couple fountains and nice benches and even a ship. So we walked around there and talked. It was a really nice day out, so it was wonderful. There were several older (40-ish -- older than us) couples who were walking around holding hands or cuddling on benches. I told K that I hope I'm one of those people someday.

At that very point, we had reached a fountain. K pulled out a nickel and told me to make a wish. He said he didn't have any pennies, but if one cent is good luck, imagine how much luck five cents is. I told him to make the wish. He did, and he tossed the nickel into the water. I didn't have to ask him what his wish was. I'm pretty sure it was exactly what I would have wished for -- exactly what my words had really meant just as we'd gotten to the fountain.

Meant to be?

So I've had a busy past few days! I left work early Friday and drove to Louisiana. K and I exchanged Valentine's Day gifts. He got me (in addition to the flowers and chocolates he'd had sent to me) a gift basket from Bath & Body Works. Last time he was here visiting me, we had gone to the mall and dropped in there. They had a new scent -- Cherry Blossom. We both really liked it (Coconut Lime Verbena is still my favorite). What was funny is that the day before I had actually gone and bought the Cherry Blossom shower gel. I had decided I was going to have to go back and get the lotion because I really liked it. Well, the gift basket had the body cream (lotion), shower scrub and body spray. And a loofa! So I'm set now. I hope he wasn't trying to tell me I smell bad! ;)

He also made me the perfect gift for me, since it combined pictures and music. He made a little slide show with three songs that always remind me of him -- "Sweet Home Alabama," which he serenaded me with the night we met; "Collide" (Howie Day), which is our song; and "You're Beautiful," by James Blunt. The pictures started from the night we met and went up until the last ones we'd taken the last time we'd seen each other. It was awesome! I know he spent a lot of time on it.

He really liked his card, too. He stared at it for the longest time. He even said he couldn't believe I made it. I wouldn't go that far -- it definitely looks homemade. But it was definitely made from the heart.

We flew to Georgia the next day to visit some his friends, D & P (they're married). We had such a good time with them. I thought Georgia was absolutely beautiful, and it was so good to finally meet D & P. K said that D is one of his best friends from the Army. And P told me that K is like the little brother she never had, so that's cool.

Savannah is a really neat place. We drove around River Street and through a handful of the billion town squares that are all over the town. We went to several of the little pubs and really had a good time. The first night we were there, we went out with D & P and a married couple they're friends with. So of course we did the girl trip to the bathroom, and P and her friend were asking me all these questions about K and me. I told them how I really felt -- that I know I want to marry him, and that I've felt that way since the first month we met. P was really excited and kept giving me hugs. She said, "You can tell he's so happy. He looks at you like you're the only woman in the world. I've never seen him this happy." So that was really cool.

The next night, I actually wound up talking about the same thing with D. It just came up in our conversation. He said that he and P were both really excited for us because they see for the first time in years a couple who reminds them of how they were before they got married, and how they still are today. He had a lot of great things to say, and it was a really great conversation. It made me so happy to know that such close friends of his can look at us and say "these two go together."

The weekend really flew by. We kind of lounged around during the day and went out to the pubs at night, including a haunted pub. Our flight was delayed so much that we'd have missed our connecting flight back to Louisiana, so we wound up staying an extra day, which was cool. We got back from Georgia Tuesday night at about 10, and back to K's at about 11. I had to get up at 5 a.m. to head back to Texas for work. I was exhausted driving, but it was all worth it.

And I'll be driving again tomorrow to K's to go to Mardi Gras! That'll be interesting...