Words of relief

So I'd talked to a few of my best girl friends about my whole thoughts about K's ex-fiance. Last night, I was talking to CG, one of my best friends (it was actually her wedding where I met K). She knew about the dream I'd had in the past -- the one where I randomly met K's ex, and she was still wearing the ring -- and I told her about my dream from the other night. So we were talking about it for a while, and she told me she was going to "go Dr. Laura" on me. I said, "Good! Please do!" I know that what I was worrying about and stressing myself out about was ridiculous. There's nothing between them anymore. They barely even talk! I trust K 100 percent. And I know we'll get married someday. CG even told me she knows without a doubt that we'll get married someday. We really are perfect for each other.

But I already knew that. She wasn't saying anything new. She said to me, "It's not a competition." I said, "I know, and I'm not thinking of it that way at all. I just don't understand why she knew she didn't want to marry him, but he proposed to her. I told him how I feel, he says he's so much happier with me, that we get along so much better and have so much more fun together. And we had even seen each other so much more six months into our relationship than they had for the whole year-plus they were together. Why, if things are so perfect with us but weren't with them, did he propose to her after 10 months? What is it about her that made him want to propose, but we've barely talked about it?"

And CG said to me, "You think a lot longer and harder about things that involve the people you love and care about the most."

I seriously felt so much better -- instantly. I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted. It wasn't something that had been weighing me down over the course of our relationship, but it was something that I did think quite a bit about. At least a couple times a day. And her response made so much sense.

K proposed to his ex in Las Vegas. I had asked him once about it all. He said he knew that was where he was going to do it, but he didn't know when or exactly where in Vegas. Now, to me, Vegas is not a romantic place. It's not a place I would ever imagine K proposing. It's the land of gambling, legalized prostitution, quickie marriages... It's the place people sneak off to to get married when their parents don't approve. It's the city of bad decisions -- bank accounts gambled away; "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"; cheating; lying. But I've never been there, and K said that, despite its reputation, it actually has some romantic parts. But still, it just doesn't seem like a place he'd pick to do one of the most romantic things a guy does for a girl.

Now I feel so much better about the whole thing, and I understand. K knows how I feel, and I've also told him that I don't want to rush into anything. I want it to be done once, and I want it to be when we're both ready. That hasn't changed. Just what was making me confused is that we're nearing the point (time-wise) where he and his ex got engaged. I felt if things were so much better for us and he knew by then with her, he should have known a long time ago with me.

CG's advice made me realize and appreciate why he's taking his time. That way, when he does it, it'll be done right, and it'll be done only once.