Too bad it was just a dream ...

The weather is gorgeous. I've had my windows open the last two days and three nights. There is a bit of rain in the area, so there's some light wind. I can hear my windchimes on the porch. Every once in a while, the sound of a car door opening and the car leaving will drift up through the window. I can smell the air outside. It smells nice.

My shades will blow in every once in a while with the breeze. My apartment feels nice. It feels like home.

It feels like fall. Something about it reminds me of K. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact I wish he were here with me right now watching TV, just lying on the couch cuddling and relaxing. That would be nice.

I had a dream about him last night. I didn't even remember when I woke up. Something while I was getting ready for work this morning, standing at my bathroom mirror putting on makeup and trying to push Noodle to the side so he'd stop licking me and I could put on my mascara. It was like K was with me in my dream, like it was real. We were lying on my bed, and I was snuggled up against him. I could smell him, and he smelled so good. I kept thinking, "This feels so great. Was it always this amazing just lying here?" And I said it, "Did this always feel this good?" But it did, and I know it did.

I'm hoping that was one of those premonition dreams. (Another cool part is that in my dream, I noticed K was a bit more buff than when he left, which he told me would happen because he's going to work out a lot while he's gone. I think his buffness level before was absolutely perfect, but in my dream he was obviously still freakin' hot with the added chest muscles.) :)

I got to work, and I logged on to facebook while I was bored at work. I saw that Brad's brother Kyle, who didn't really get along with Brad and who didn't really ever like me much (and honestly, he was a really hyper jerk who thought he was a pirate and used the "f-word" at least 4 times a sentence), had posted a note in response to one Brad posted last week. Brad had posted something about the troops. Here is a small part of his viewpoint:

I mean, I’ve heard the saying, “Even if you don’t support the war you have to support the troops,” before. I’ve also heard that the troops are fighting to protect our freedom and that as a result people shouldn’t be mad a protestors because the free speech they are exercising is the very thing the troops are fighting for.Upon reflection I think both of these ideas are absolute crap. You don’t have to support the troops and they aren’t fighting for freedom.

Being against the war is sort of like saying you are against the slaughter of animals to make fur coats. Fighting in the war is sort of like the guy that kills the animals. You can’t have a war if no one is willing to fight in it. ...

I am thoroughly convinced that my right to free speech (and my freedom in general) would remain in tact regardless of the U.S. occupation in Iraq or the war on terror. I would even argue that my freedom is somewhat diminished with respect to the new government surveillance and wire tapping laws that have stemmed from the war on terror.

I posted a response because I had quite a different opinion from Brad. Here is my response:

I think a lot of people who joined the military joined before the war started, but many joined after because they wanted to fight for our country. Yes, there are some people who want to just kill people or blow stuff up, but not all of them. K joined because he wanted to help people and do something good and get to see the world. Every once in a while, part of his job includes having to go somewhere on the other side of the planet to fight for our country and get us out of a mess. He's proud to do it, and I'm proud OF him for doing it. And he IS fighting for our freedom. If he and other soldiers weren't over there, the fight could come here. Just thought you needed a different perspective.

Then, Kyle decided to weigh in by posting a note of his own. His note was called, "Support Iraqi, Down with Freedom Crushers!" Kyle said some really harsh things in his note:

This note is in reference to Brad's note about troops. I can't show anyone what [says my name here] said... but I'm starting a new Facebook group about how she sucks.

I'd like to reply to this note and all of the comments. I'm overwhelmingly in favor of our troops... as long as they are in America. I'm overwhelmingly against the "war" if you can call it that, and the troops who are occupying a formly sovereign nation. ...

Our troops, from all accounts of battle I've read (Memoirs of an Infantry Officer, Black Hawk Down, In Harm's Way, A Rumor of War, etc) are like all other troops in foreign wars. At first they are their expecting adventure, then they are caught in the heat of battle, then they are excited about triumphs and American military might, then they are disillusioned and want to see their friends come home safetly, and finally, they accept it as some kind of survival skill... just trying to get as many people as possible home in one piece.All of these things tally up to something we must all remember - Military service is a choice. There is not implemented draft. Either you are smart enough to stay out, or you might get shipped to some desert shithole and get shot. Plain and simple. SO!

[My name]'s comment. [My name again], you are an idiot. I've always admired that you can put your head in the sand and not see the desert for the cactus roots you're eating. No one is fighting for me. Not K (who I don't know... but sounds kind of lame), nor anyone else. ... I'm free to think and breath and laugh at your ignorance, and no one is fighting for that. In fact, shooting people in Afganistan, Iraq, Korea, South America, or anywhere else is against my freedom. This K is just not smart enough to have a better job NOT shooting at people. Or he has a hardon for killing and blowing up. Either way... I'm not impressed, and I'm not supportive. I support cops. At least they are bent on "keeping the peace," and for the most part - are helping my life... not fucking up international politics. ...

[referring to another person's comment about Brad's post] They didn't HAPPEN to be in the Army at the wrong time. It is always the wrong time if you don't want to be shot at. I'm pretty sure that is the whole point of being in the infantry. And amazing;y, having balls has nothing to do with getting involved in the military. It is more a lack of brains or good sense than a surplus of balls. I have about as much sympathy for people in the Army as people who are addicted to heroin. ...

That being said, I know all of you troop supporters are out there praying for the 10,000+ victims of our misguided bomb and rocket attacks. Praying for the safety of the children of these countries we are relentlessly killing and shooting up their streets. You are all feeling pangs of guilt and remorse for the tragic deaths of 1,000s of these people who never asked anyone to "liberate" them, and who never asked for bullets to be flying into their open markets. I say... support the Iraqi's. I support people who want assholes from other countries to stay the FUCK out of their country when they don't come in peace.

I know Kyle well enough to know that saying something would not help my case at all. I know it wasn't worth my time, but it still upset me. How could he seriously have no idea?

A few people posted in response to Kyle's note. One girl said some people join to get themselves out of trouble or because it's their only chance of having a steady job because they aren't very smart or for whatever reason.

Another person said some people join the military because it's the only way they can go to college, and because the benefits are so great. Both this person's and the other person's comments are true, but that's not the whole story.

Then, tonight, I checked again just to see what others had said. And I found this new note from someone who's actually friends with Kyle. This guy, Chris, fills in a lot of what I wanted to say:

I usually don't chime into things like this, but I may as well. I live out here on the left coast and I'm as liberal as they come, and don't support the war, but Kyle's sweeping statements on everybody in the military are ignorant and naive. I have a great friend who's in the Kansas National Guard, he's 32 and just became an officer. He's extremely well-spoken, and very intelligent. More intelligent than Kyle, in my opinion. He joined the Army at 18, before anyone had any idea of Iraq (saying people joining the Army because of Iraq is preposterous... enlistment's down more than it ever has been because of OIF). ...

He wanted to serve and protect, much like the police officers that Kyle cherishes. He joined because his goal for a vocation was not just to accrue as much money as possible, but to somehow sacrifice and give back. ...

My point is, it's not so cut and dry as "Guy orders guy to pull trigger so guy does it happily and kills someone." Especially in this country, where war and capitalism go hand-in-hand, where conflict breeds profiteering off innocents at home and abroad. It's truly fubar.

And who calls someone an idiot in a public forum argument at 24 years old ? Especially when it concerns a loved one of theirs serving abroad? Have some tact.

It made me feel so much better to see someone not only defending the troops for the awesome thing they're doing, but actually calling Kyle out for calling me an idiot. And it was someone I don't even know.

So I sat here and watched Grey's Anatomy and Six Degrees tonight. Grey's Anatomy always makes me cry. I'm not a regular viewer of the show. I had just seen the last two episodes last season because I was recording them for a friend on the only TV I have in my apartment. I wanted to know if Izzy really quit.

And then Six Degrees came on. It seems like a pretty good show. I was through probably half of it, when it showed this one character -- Laura, I think -- who'd been pretty down through the whole thing. She'd mentioned a husband, David, and how he wasn't coming back. She never said anything about how it happened. But she's sitting one night watching a news report. Someone comes in her living room, and she immediately shuts off the TV. When the person leaves and you hear her door close, Laura turns the news report back on. It's in the same spot as she stopped it -- she's watching a recording. She's looking at this man, a reporter for CNN, on TV. His name is David. He's giving a report, talking about bombings that have happened. He's hunched down behind something, and you can hear explosions. He says something about getting better cover, and right then, the feed cuts off and the screen goes to static. The woman in the CNN office says something about how they're having video difficulties. Laura starts to cry and rewinds the tape.

I immediately started bawling. I can't imagine what that would be like. I hope I never have to find out.

But knowing that there are people over there putting their lives on the line and that's their job ... How could Kyle not appreciate that? How can he be so clueless?

I'm just glad there are people out there who know better.

I can only imagine what the other shoppers were thinking ...

I got a call from K today. I wasn't expecting to hear from him until tomorrow. He's been able to call pretty much every three days or so, so it was a pleasant surprise. When he called, though, I was actually in line at the post office to send him a care package.

K had sent me an e-mail telling me a few things he needed -- some vitamins, facewash, deodorant. So I went to Wal-Mart and went to the men's deodorant/shaving aisle. I found the red Old Spice sticks, and I reached for the one that he had wanted -- "aqua-something." He told me I could pick whichever one I liked. Since he knew his had aqua in the name of the scent, I grabbed the only one that said aqua. I pulled the lid off to make sure it was the right one, and it smelled just like him. So there I was, standing in the middle of the aisle at Wal-Mart, smelling K's deodorant because it smelled like him. I even walked away still smelling it. I probably looked slightly (slightly) crazy, but who cares -- it smelled like K! I even briefly thought about buying another stick to just smell from time to time, but that thought only lasted about one second.

I sent K an e-mail telling him the story about Cody, his dad and the preacher (last three paragraphs), and he e-mailed me back saying that the story really got to him. He said all the prayers back home really help, and he really appreciated that the preacher was starting church praying for the soldiers. I think the story made both of us feel good.

He had said something in his e-mail, too, about hoping he'd get the first package soon that I sent him two and a half weeks ago. I had sprayed the letter I wrote him with my perfume and wrapped it in plastic so the smell would (hopefully) stay on it. In his e-mail, he said something about cuddling with whatever smelled like me. That gave me the idea of including a pillow case sprayed with perfume in this package. I was going to keep it a surprise, but I couldn't help it. I told K, and it turns out it's good I sent it because he did buy a standard-sized pillow, but he said that pillow cases there are the low price of two for $8. He just used a T-shirt and tied it around the pillow. Now, he'll have a pillow case, AND (hopefully) it'll smell like my perfume!

A site to see

Especially if you're a Pac 10 ref.

http://www.newsok.com/video/39323/

Looking up

I haven't blogged in a while. Thursday night I opted not to because I was having the worst night ever:

-- Everything was fine until I got home from work. I checked my mail, and I'd gotten my electric bill. I opened it to see the damage, and it wasn't bad. It was about what I'd expected. I looked at the due date. It said "Payment Due: IMMEDIATELY." What? I looked at the top of the letter. It said "CUTOFF NOTICE." The bill said that my payment was past due, and my service would be interrupted if I didn't pay my bill by Sept. 22. I had never received my bill to begin with. So I called the electric company to resolve the situation. I was on hold for quite some time.

-- I had called the electric company as I was getting out of my car to head into my apartment. When I got to my door, there was a note on it saying I'd missed UPS coming by to deliver a package. Since I had just ordered my service flag for K the day before, I figured it was a package K had told me he sent, but I wasn't sure.

-- I entered my apartment and noticed it smelled faintly of bug spray. I had forgotten to leave a note on the door telling them not to spray because they make you pull everything out of all your cabinets in your kitchen and bathroom -- huge inconvenience. And I have a small pet, which they want either confined to one room or out of the apartment -- huge inconvenience. So I didn't know if the people had sprayed in my apartment or if I was just smelling the spray from everyone else's. I had to hope that they had seen Noodle and that none of my cabinets were emptied, said "Screw this!" and left. Or that they hadn't contaminated my countertops and such by spraying anyway wherever they could.

-- While I was (still) on hold, I watched Grey's Anatomy, which I've decided is a pretty depressing show. Someone always dies. I mean, the show takes place in a freakin' hospital! So I'm sitting on my couch bawling at a TV show.

-- I had picked my brother up from the airport on Tuesday, so he was back in OK, and he would be leaving soon to head to North Carolina and become a NASCAR superstar. I wanted to go see him over the weekend, but he had plans Saturday night and Sunday. My dad had plans Saturday night, too, which meant my family would be busy a large portion of the weekend. Saturday would be spent at my dad's store watching the OU game. My dad would be working while it was on, and my brother and I would be playing catchup with every customer who came in because they haven't seen us in so long (it's a real family store).

-- As Grey's Anatomy was ending, my mom called. I was telling her about how I felt like I should go to OK but didn't want to drive. She then said the one thing I knew she'd say but that always manages to piss me off because it annoys me when she says it: "Why don't you come see me?"Yeeeeeeeeah, 'cause that would solve the whole not wanting to drive part. Then, in our conversation, my mom asks me about my dad and whether or not he lives with his girlfriend. So now she knows that. Geez, it's not like they're both virgins or something.

-- Jeremy called me and said he wasn't going to the gym that night. I was kind of relieved, but at the same time, kind of sad because it meant I'd be staying by myself at my apartment, which gets kind of lonely. But I didn't feel like going to the gym, either.

-- I started getting that stupid girl feeling where you're depressed and kinda lonely, but you don't know why you're feeling depressed, which makes you frustrated because it doesn't make sense. I didn't know if I was PMSing or what. It was one of those days that I would normally just call K and unload, and just doing that always made me feel better. I just wanted to hear his voice, and I really wanted a hug. Of course, that made me miss him more.

-- I got in my car and left to go mail my electric bill. On my way, I listened to my new Fray CD. It's a good, relaxing CD, but I don't recommend listening to it the first time when you're feeling sad. With my frustration and then the CD, pretty soon I was bawling as I was driving. I wasn't even a block away from my apartment. I stopped off at the ATM because I needed cash to pay for parking the next day. I went to the post office, dropped off my bill and went home. As soon as I went to get out of my car, I realized I'd gotten my card and receipt, but had left my $20 in the ATM. I was so upset and distracted I hadn't even realized. I had just treated it like I was pumping gas. (I do that a lot more than I visit the ATM.) I jumped back in my car and drove like a mad woman to the bank again. I was praying the whole time that God would show me my night wasn't so bad by miraculously leaving my $20 there. When I pulled up to the ATM, there was a car in front of me at it. I wanted to jump out of my car and say, "Was there $20 in there when you pulled up, because that was mine!" The car was only there a minute, and then it left. My $20 was gone. I withdrew another $20, made sure to get the card, cash and receipt, and went back home.

-- When I got home, I noticed that Noodle had knocked over the cup I'd left on my coffee table. Luckily, it was pretty empty, but there had been ice in it that had melted a bit, and it was just another thing to add to a list of greatness that night. I had left drinks there before, and he hadn't knocked them over.

So all those things together made for a pretty crappy evening. I talked to ER, who I managed to get in touch with finally after I was leaving the ATM the second time. She offered to meet me or even come all the way to my apartment for ice cream or a sleepover or anything to make me feel better. The thought itself (and the fact that she listened to me unload) made me feel better.

I went to bed early that night. The package the next day was my flag. Still exciting, but not as much as K's package.

Anyway, I wound up going to OK last weekend. I'm glad I went. All the things I was worried about or dreading wound up taking care of themselves. I think God was really looking out for me after Thursday because of how crazy everything worked itself out. It really is the only solution.

Saturday was a nice day spent watching the game. It was really a good game. The first half was scary, and the second half was awesome -- until the last 3 minutes, when the Pac 10 refs, who were officiating, decided to hand Oregon the win. It sucked that we lost because the refs made calls that were clearly bad calls. They reviewed both and didn't overturn them. Earlier in the game, OU had scored, but the guy had barely stepped out of bounds on his run to score. Barely or not, he was out of bounds. I was glad that the play was reviewed and overturned because that way, no one could say, "Yeah, well, you guys only won because of that touchdown where the guy went out of bounds. Ya'll got lucky/Oregon got screwed there." I said I didn't want a tainted win.
So what does Oregon get? Two calls at the end that put them one point ahead of us. All three ABC commentators -- one of whom was an Oregon alum -- all said that not reversing it was a terrible call. It sucks that we lost that way.

Then, today was a nice day. I woke up, and it was raining! I went to church with my dad and his girlfriend. At the beginning of church, the preacher asked if anyone knew someone overseas. No one moved. I raised my hand. The woman in front of me raised hers. The preacher, who is a close family friend and has met K a couple times, called us up front. He had us each light candles and say the name of the person we lit the candle for and where he or she was serving. Then, we prayed for all the troops overseas. It was really neat.

What made it even cooler is that my dad's girlfriend had told me more about my friend Cody, who I went to high school with and who was injured in Iraq a couple weeks ago. She said that Cody's dad had come in my dad's store (where she works, too) one day when the preacher was in. Cody's dad said that he had a bad feeling about where Cody was going, and he wanted the preacher to pray for Cody. The preacher just had Cody's dad sit down with him at a table in the store, and they both prayed for Cody. The next day, Cody's dad came in and said that night he and the preacher prayed, Cody's unit had been hit, and Cody was the only survivor. After that, the preacher started a prayer chain.

So I thought that was especially neat that today, the preacher called us up and had us say the names of the soldiers. My dad said the preacher had been starting church up with prayers for the troops, but this was the first time he had people go up and light a candle for individual soldiers. I hope that the preacher's prayer -- and the prayer of the entire congregation -- gives K the same guardian angels it gave Cody.

They DO work!

Yesterday I got an e-mail from K -- not long after I posted my blog. It's amazing how much a simple e-mail could make my day so much better.

And then last night, he called me! I miss him like crazy, so something as small as an e-mail or 20-minute phone call (that's how long we get before the phone hangs up on us) can easily become the highlight of my week.

K was in really good spirits last night. He sounded really happy, which made me feel good.

I told K I had ordered the single-star service flag I posted about yesterday. He was totally fine with it. I figured he would be.

He told me that he actually sent me a package the other day with his beloved Motorola Razr and watch so they won't get messed up in Afghanistan. He said there are also some souvenirs in there that he had bought himself, and there's also something in there for me. He said I'll know which one is for me when I open the package, which makes me very curious ...

Now I have two things to look forward to coming in the mail!

Is it gross

that sometimes when I finish my lunch, I floss at my desk (in my own office)? I mean, it's better than just leaving junk in your teeth, right? And I use actual floss -- not hair or loose string pulled from my clothes. Does that make it better?

My e-mail (and phone) must be broken

It's been just four weeks and two days (since it was a Monday) since I last saw K. Honestly, it feels like it's been about a month and a half at least. I wish it had been two, because then it would be even closer to when he comes home -- not that either of us knows for sure when that'll be.

























I ordered one of those single-star service flags today. (I didn't realize this picture would be that big, but you get the idea.) According to the American Family Traditions Store, where I got this picture, this flag "is displayed by immediate family members of a person serving in the Armed Forces during a period of war. ... The family member who is in the service does not need to be stationed overseas in order for his or her family to display the Service Flag or Service Banner." As far as I know, though, it's traditionally hung in the windows (although it can be flown as an actual flag) of family members of a person who is overseas. The flags can come with multiple stars to represent multiple family members as well.

K isn't immediate family technically, but he's everything to me, and he will be immediate family. Heck, he already would be if I had my way. It'll happen, though. I found a place in Dallas that makes these flags. Go figure, they're only open 9 to 5 Monday through Friday -- and I find them the week before I go full-time. :) I spoke with someone at the store yesterday, but I hesitated on ordering one since K isn't actually a member of my immediate family. I had mentioned wanting one of those flags to him before, though, and he didn't say anything against it or seem to object.

When I called the store today to go ahead and order one, they were on sale. And there was only one left, which they will ship to my apartment. Clearly, God wants me to have this flag.

Part of me is wanting my neighbors, who I don't really know, to know that K and I are still together. Even though I don't know them really, they've seen K and his car, which has Army stickers on it and non-Texas plates (so they know he's not local). I'm sure they noticed when my car was gone over the weekends. They've seen us together, and I don't want them to think we're broken up or something. Or that guy friends who come over to my apartment are something else and that I've become a slut or something. And they'll know why K's car will reappear in our parking lot all of a sudden in a couple months (or more). I don't know why it matters that my neighbors know that, but whatever.

I also want to hang the flag for support. I read on a site yesterday that one tradition is that the service member removes the flag when he or she gets home. That would be cool. At the same time, it'll be a while before K will get to come back to wonderful (exaggeration on my part, but I'm sure after Afghanistan, he'll think it's wonderful) Dallas. He'll get back to Louisiana first, and then he'll have to go through all these reacclamation classes or training sessions or whatever they're called. I never realized the military does stuff like that, but it makes sense.

Basically, the soldiers are reminded that while they've been gone, their families have had to carry on and pick up the roles that they normally play as leaders of or members of the household. The soldiers can't just walk back into their families' lives and homes and pick up how they left off. Everyone will have to get used to the person being back in the home and learn they don't have to be as independent as they were while the person was gone, if that makes any sense. Anyway, I think it's pretty cool that the military does that. I'm sure I'll really appreciate it once we're married and in the same house -- especially when we have kids.

I haven't heard from K in a couple days, though. He called me late Sunday night. We weren't able to talk long. He had told me that he'd be calling me "in the morning," but I didn't know if that meant his morning or mine. The call hasn't come yet. I'm sure he's just gotten bogged down with work and moving. I know he was going to be moving from the base he was at to another that's newer and less built-up. (He said the one he's going to -- and probably at now -- doesn't even have a gym yet!) It seems rational that that would mean it's also a little tougher to get to phones or the Internet. So I'm not worried or anything, but I'm carrying my phone with me everywhere, as I have been doing pretty much since he left.

Where I go, my phone goes -- the gym, the bathroom (even at work), my boss's office ... I don't know what I'll do if I get to my phone one Sunday and find I missed his call while I was in church. I'm definitely sick of my phone, though. When K gets back, I'm going to just leave it and not carry it with me or touch it for days. That'll be nice ...

The REAL reason gas is cheaper

Today marks one month since I last saw K. It feels like longer. When he left, gas was about $2.70 here in Dallas. Now, it's $2.32 at the gas station by my apartment. Proof that K is doing a heck of a job kickin' butt in Afghanistan. :)

Football weekend

K finally called me Friday night. It was actually about 1 a.m. on Saturday morning. I was so exhausted because I was in bed, but I wasn't sleeping well. I was half asleep, but I was thinking at the same time. K and I were only able to talk for just under 20 minutes, but I felt so much better after we got off the phone. I slept great.

The way that K is able to call from most bases in Afghanistan is via satellite. He gets on a phone and talks to an operator, who connects him to whoever he is wanting to call. It's a cool system because he can call for free. Evidently when he called me Friday, the operator said that that's coming to an end. So many soldiers are calling at once that beginning Oct. 1, they're going to start charging the guys to call. I guess I'll be sending him calling cards in his care packages now ...

Saturday was a good day. A group of us went to ER's to watch the OU-Washington game. We won. It was a bit closer than I'd have liked, but Washington is at least a Division I school, and the score was 37-20. It WOULD have been 37-13, but Washington scored in the last few minutes. Oh, well -- a W is a W.

After the game was over, we all went outside and threw the football around for a little bit. It was fun. :) I never played sports growing up, but I can throw a football okay. Every once in a while, I can even throw a spiral! Of course, I took goofy pictures.













































And then came the two best parts -- pizza and the Ohio State-texas game. Now, I like Ohio State any other day of the year, but when they're playing Texas, I love them! And they didn't disappoint.

So we spent all day watching football -- pretty much 8 hours. Whew!

This morning, we went to church at Prestonwood Baptist Church, which is in Far North Dallas. It's HUGE! It's been referred to as the "Baptodome," "Prestonworld" and "Six Flags Over Jesus."










This picture really does the size of it no justice -- this church is huge. I didn't think I would like it because I'm used to a smaller church. It was pretty cool, though. The music -- the choir, the pianist, the band -- was amazing. As ER put it, it was "very impressive."

I went to a wedding shower for a girl from work tonight. It was kinda fun. I wish K could have been there.

Tomorrow is officially one month since I last saw him. What's crazy is how s-l-o-w the weekends are when he's not here. When he's here, they fly by! It feels like just one day, MAYBE one and a half at the most. When he's not here, they feel like three days at the least, and sometimes even four.

K actually called me while I was writing this post. We only talked a few minutes, but he's going to call me back since I'm not working tomorrow. I'm excited because it's the last Monday I have off. This is my last week as a part-timer! I'm so excited! I think next weekend, I'll even order my new laptop! Woohoo!

Is it time to leave yet?

My first thoughts when I woke up this morning to my alarm were, "Why isn't that my phone ringing?" K was supposed to call me last night, and he didn't. I'm sure for whatever reason he was busy. He is in Afghanistan, for Pete's sake.

I got ready for work, and as I was sitting on my couch eating my cereal, a news update came on Good Morning America telling us that 16 people were killed in Afghanistan. Only two were U.S. soldiers, and it happened in Kabul. As far as I know, K is still in Kandahar. Those are a ways apart, according to this map.

As I was getting to my mode of mass transportation today, I was bummed. Fewer people use mass transportation on Friday for whatever reason. Since I hate taking it anyway because it takes so long, it was making me wish I'd driven, too. Only it's so much cheaper to not drive. Oh, well.

I got to work, and there was something in my chair showing me a mistake I'd made yesterday at work. It was a pretty good-sized mistake, but I guess it could have been worse. Anyway, I still felt like crap for messing up. It makes me feel like my boss will think I'm less competent or like he has to babysit me or like he messed up in hiring me.

It's been a pretty standard, dull, slow day at work today. Slower than usual. ER sent me an e-mail inviting me to her place tomorrow to watch our football game. Of course I'm going, but she asked for my office phone number, since we usually just communicate through e-mail. When I answered, she didn't recognize my voice and asked if I was tired or cranky or something. I told her it had been a crappy day pretty much, and I told her about how K didn't call me, and then I saw that story. She'd seen it too, and that's why she was calling. She wanted to make sure I was doing okay.

It was only two U.S. soldiers who were killed, and I don't think K is in Kabul. Plus, if something had happened to him, I'm sure I would have found out somehow. Except his dad is listed as the person to call if anything happens, and I don't know if he has my phone number. Still, though, his unit would know, so his friends would know, and one of them would have called me.

Besides, K is supposed to be in Kandahar. Ugh. I'm just ready for today to be over.

Different now

I just found out that a guy I went to high school with -- a guy I actually went to daycare with when we were little, so I've known him literally since we were in diapers -- was injured in Iraq. His platoon was hit yesterday by a roadside bomb. He's the only survivor. He was burned over 52 percent of his body. I called my dad immediately when I found out. I'm from a small town, and my dad still lives there. Naturally, he already knew about it. He knew last night. I didn't even realize Cody was in the Army, much less over in Iraq.

They were going to do surgery on him in Germany, but Cody's dad was called a couple hours after he was told about the incident. Cody was heavily medicated, so the Army was bringing him to San Antonio, and he'd have surgery there, I guess. I'm glad he's back over here. I think that will help his recovery, since his family will probably be able to be there.

I know Cody's parents. I know his sister. They're all really nice people. It's so sad that this happened. But the thing is, it could happen to a lot more people I know. It really changes your perspective.

My job is okay. It's not anything that I'm going to be doing in five years, I don't think, but it's good for now. It's awesome for just out of college, and it will look great on my resume. But I want to do something that deals with people, and I'd love it if I could do something that helped people.

Before I got my recent great news at work, I had met with ER's parents, who are like my second parents, to talk about different things I could do if I left my job. They know a lot of people around Dallas and were willing to help me. With my TV reporting background and experience in college, in addition to my desires of what I want to do in a job, they suggested I be a spokesperson for something. They said maybe NASCAR, since I enjoy that because of my brother. They suggested the American Heart Association. They suggested the Susan G. Komen foundation, which is close to my heart because my grandmother is a breast cancer survivor. Then, they suggested the Army. K has said something similar to that before, too, but I think he may have been joking (slightly).

Now, I'm pretty sure it's next to impossible to just walk up to some bigwig at a company and say, "Hi, I'd like to be your spokesperson." I'm not famous. I'm not a supermodel. I'm not Jessica Simpson (If I were, she'd still be with Nick!).

But after hearing about someone like Cody, and especially after meeting K and all his friends, it would be absolutely awesome to do something that helps out people in the Army. Something more than greeting them at the airport and sending care packages.

Before I met K, I had a completely different view of the Army and those who are in it. Before I met K, the only people I knew in the military were my mom's two brothers. One of her brothers is in the 82nd Airborne; the other is a Navy recruiter. These guys are both hardened and stubborn. They're pretty "different" characters. So is everyone else on my mom's side of the family, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt and blamed their oddness on the military.

I knew I'd never date anyone in the military. They have that weird haircut, and most of the people I knew who joined even the reserves somehow didn't seem to fit the cookie-cutter shape that everyone else in our town managed to fit into. I had this whole false perspective of the entire military.

And then came K. He's a sensitive, normal, down-to-earth, American Eagle-wearing guy. He cares about his family, loves his mom and just wanted to do something that makes a difference. I thought he was just different, that I had lucked out and found the one normal guy in the whole U.S. military. But his friends are all great, too.

I wasn't exposed to a lot of the military growing up, and, to be honest, I didn't think much about it. I thought a little about it after the war. But it somehow still seemed just enough removed that I felt terrible for the families and the soldiers, but it still wasn't completely real.

Now, I hear "The Star Spangled Banner" differently than I ever have before. I see the flag differently. I even watch fireworks differently -- they're no longer pretty explosions in the sky; they're a celebration of the soldiers.

And when soldiers current and past are recognized at sporting events, concerts, events and piano bars, I see them differently, too.

I really wish there was something I could do to help them. What Cody did, what K is doing, what all the soldiers who've been there and are there are doing is amazing and tough and selfless and scary. I love supporting K, and I'll stand behind him no matter what. But I want to do more. I just don't know what "more" is ...

How would you know?

I got an e-mail from Old Navy about the store's Labor Day sale, and it had some really cute stuff in it. Clearly, I had to go to Old Navy after work today. I found a couple cute shirts (go figure -- it's pants I could really use more of) that will work great for work or for outside of work, which is my goal for my wardrobe. I took my cute new shirts to the cash register. There was one open, and it was empty. I walked up, and the cashier, whose eyes were coated in purple glitter, began her Old Navy Staff/cashier intro:

cashier: "Hi, how are you doing today?"
me: "Good, thanks."
cashier: "You look kinda tired."
me: [crickets] " ... Okay."
cashier: "Well, are you?"
me: "I guess so. I'm always a little tired. Who isn't?"

I'm not one of those people who would let such an off comment ruin my whole day (or my day hadn't been dramatic or bad enough for me to care, since it was neither dramatic or bad), but it was definitely a weird thing to say.

I'd never seen this girl in my life. How the heck does she know if I look tired?

Missing K and Norman

The game Saturday was awesome. I woke up to "Boomer Sooner" and was raring to go. I drove to ER's, and her parents showed up a little before 8 a.m., and off we went! Our first stop was Wal-Mart for paunchos, since it was raining a little bit. It was good to be back in the land of the Sooners and see crimson and OU stuff everywhere. I always feel like I'm home when I'm in Norman.

ER's parents are absolutely awesome. As soon as we parked the car, her dad went to the back and pulled out beer. It was 11:30. A.M.!! I have never had any alcoholic beverage at 11:30 a.m.! But it was game day, and the first one of the season at that, so we had beer. We walked around campus corner and had really yummy pizza at Hideaway Pizza.


















We went and watched the band warm up and to see the preconcert and parade. I saw a ton of people I hadn't seen in forever and several I didn't expect to see. It was nice. It's one of the things I miss about Norman.

The game was good, but it was a bit closer than what I expected and what I would have liked. I'm hoping, though, that maybe we just had the season-opener jitters. Hopefully we'll play better next week when we play Washington, and hopefully we'll be even better than that the following week when we play Oregon.



(I started this video after this had been going on a while, so it's not as loud as when it just starts.)

I was sad when it was time to leave. I miss Norman so much, but at the same time, I think I left at the right time. This way, I will always love Norman. All my memories of Norman will involve the band and some of the best friends of my life living there with me. My memories will be college and working on campus and interning and journalism and football and our Saturday night girls' night. If I stayed, some of my friends I started college with would have graduated, and I would have felt left behind. Whenever I go back, it feels like home, and I'm always excited. That's how I want it to stay.

We drove home that night. My car was at ER's, so we got there at 2:30, and I was home and getting in bed at about 3. I was exhausted. I slept in on Sunday, and then we headed out to Addison. We got a group together because every Fourth of July Addison does this big fireworks show called Kaboomtown, and it got ruined by a little rain. They scheduled the make-up for Sunday night. All these restaurants in Addison have watch parties, so we went to Champps, which is a sports bar (I love sports bars!). I guess there was an air show, too, because all these old planes kept flying over. They weren't doing stunts or anything, but it was neat to see them. The fireworks show was really good. It was the awesome finale that made the show.

There was a live band at Champps, and one of the guitar players had his two kids go up. His 12-year-old daughter sang, and his son, who was 2, had a little mini-electric guitar. He was so cute (I'll post a picture here later -- I haven't uploaded it yet.).

After the fireworks were over, we headed across the street to Pete's Dueling Piano Bar. I'd never been before, and I'd always wanted to go. As we were crossing the street, the live band at Champps started playing "Jesse's Girl," which is one of K's and my songs. (The groomsman I walked down the aisle with at the wedding we met at was named Jesse. AND the groom sang "Jesse's Girl" at the karaoke bar the first night K and I actually met.)

We got into Pete's, and the first song they played when we were there was "Sweet Home Alabama," which is K's and my actual song. (K, the groom and his brother sang it at the karaoke bar the night we met because the DJ was terrible and I requested it. The DJ was so bad that he didn't even have "Sweet Home Alabama," but he said he did have it on karaoke, so maybe the three guys at our table should sing it.) And of course, they played "Jesse's Girl." At that point, I was getting a little teary-eyed because I miss him. It makes it harder knowing that it'll be a long time before I see him again, and I'm not even sure how long a "long time" is. Then, the pianists played Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," which is another one of our semi-songs. And they played the song "I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love," which is another awesome song that always makes me think of K because on the line "You know I like my girls a little bit older," K always changes the words to say "a little bit younger" since he's 28 and I'm 23.

Then, one of the pianists called up all current and former military people in the crowd, and they played "God Bless the U.S.A." And I was crying again. I miss him like crazy! I would give absolutely anything to just be able to hug him right now.

I had gotten to talk to K very briefly earlier that day, but he'd said he would call me later that night my time. I took my phone out a little before 11 and put it on vibrate so I wouldn't miss it, and I held it in my hands and kept checking it because I'd also told him that if he missed me the first time, call right back so I'd catch it then. (The first time he called me, I was out wtih friends celebrating my birthday and Jeremy's birthday. I looked down at my phone right as he was hanging up. The words "Private call" changed to "1 missed call" as soon as I looked at it. I had just missed him. He called back like 30 minutes later, after I'd been watching my phone the whole time, decided he wasn't able to call back and walked away for 30 seconds.)

Well, we left the piano bar a little before midnight. I was glad I'd be home probably by the time K called, so I'd get to talk to him in peace and quiet and not have to worry about answering and weaving my way out of a bar to talk to him. I was standing outside my car outside my apartment talking to Jeremy and another friend who'd met us at my place since she wasn't familiar with the area. As we were talking, I was playing with my flip-phone and barely opening and closing it. It was still on vibrate.

When I walked away from my friends and up the stairs to my apartment, I saw that I'd missed his calls. Two of them, so I knew he wasn't calling back. I had just missed them. I was so upset because I was holding my phone when he called. I was missing him like crazy and really wanting to talk to him, and I missed his call. Naturally, I started bawling. I turned on my computer and sent him an e-mail. I told him about the bar and about how they kept playing our songs -- and we heard the Journey song again on the way home.

He called me this morning, though, and we were able to talk for just under 45 minutes. It's no hug, but it's always nice to just hear his voice. I miss him so much. And it's only been two weeks!! :(

BOOMER!!!

ER and I are going to Norman tomorrow for the OU game. I'm really excited. I've been waiting for this football season pretty much since last season, when we weren't good. Luckily, as Sooner fans, that doesn't happen often. I was actually glad to go through a season like that, though, because it makes you appreciate more when your team is not on top, but especially because I can say I've been a Sooner fan through a bad season. And I'm just as proud and yell just as loud (if not louder) in a bad season as a good one.

Work was actually really good today. Our department head is on vacation, so out second-in-command was in charge, and she's a huge UT (University of texas) fan. OU and ut are HUGE rivals, and she told me I'm the first Sooner fan she's met that she likes (Obviously, she hasn't met many of us, because, while I am really awesome, we all rock.). Anyway, at the end of the day today, she stopped by my office and told me she really appreciated my extra help this week and that I had been a huge relief to Sarah today because I'd helped her out so much. She told me I'd done a great job, which was cool because she's one of those people who doesn't compliment you unless she really means it.

I talked to K for a while today. He's still doing well. He's finally with his soldiers now. I got some things to send to him in a care package last night. I'm planning on baking cookies on Monday and sending the package on Tuesday, since the post office is closed for Labor Day. I got all kinds of goodies to put in it -- protein bars, his favorite gum, little Crystal Light individual packets that he likes. I'll put cookies in there and then some recent pictures. I wish I could put myself in there ...

ER and I are leaving tomorrow morning at 8, and that's AFTER I drive to her house to meet her parents there, who we're riding with (saving on gas, AND her dad wears "magic" cargo pants that produce Bud Light!). I've got to get to bed -- an exciting day tomorrow!

I'll leave you with what I'll have in my head while I'm sleeping, all day tomorrow and probably through January. Get excited! :)

Whew!

K called me last night. He's fine. And nothing happened. I got to tell him about my good news at work. He was excited.

I told him about my little bad feeling and how that picture popped up right then, and he was sympathetic instead of being like, "Geez, you're crazy."

Hopefully that's the closest I ever get to being my mom.

I hope I'm wrong ...

So I was just sitting here watching Project Runway with ER and Emily at my apartment, when all of a sudden I got this really odd, antsy feeling like I either forgot something important or like something bad happened. The first thing I thought of was K.

I looked at the clock -- 9:50 p.m. That means it's 7:20 a.m. in Afghanistan. Then I looked at my computer. Right then, my screensaver, which is my pictures in random order, came on. This is the picture that came up first:









(I took this picture when K was at my apartment. He was being silly and stood up on my bed, and he managed to clock himself on my ceiling fan. I took this so he could see what the sore looked like. When I loaded several pictures, I forgot it was on there and forgot to delete it.)

Hopefully K calls me tonight. I just want to hear him say everything is fine.

*******************
UPDATE: My bad feeling went away. My mom used to always do that to me in high school. Who am I kidding -- she still does it. Just less often.

I still e-mailed K to call me tonight if he can. It definitely won't hurt.

Thank you, Jesus!

My boss just left my office after telling me that I'll be going full-time in September. In addition to that, I'll be bumped up in to a higher pay grade. I'll be getting pretty much an $8,000-a-year raise before taxes.

Money is something I've pretty much been stressed about all my life. This will be a huge help!

Maybe I can even finally get a new laptop, since mine's about to die.

I'M SO RELIEVED!!!!!!

'Far away for far too long'

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted! Last week was pretty routine -- work and hanging out at night. Friday, ER and I went to a Rangers game. I had tickets from work. We had a really good time. I'm enjoying hanging out with her more on the weekends like we used to do in college -- before we moved to the city and got jobs and I met the love of my life who happens to live 5 hours away.

We were having a blast watching the game and sitting in the luxury suites (we felt so cool!). We talked about going out after the game because we weren't ready to go home yet. The game ended. The stadium emptied. We were both still in the suites talking to my coworkers and a couple others who were there too. We were about to leave when K called me. It was about 10:30 at night here in Texas. In Afghanistan, it was about 8 a.m. the next day. It was K's 28th birthday there.

He sounded really bummed. He said he was supposed to have taken a helicopter at 6:30 a.m. to the next FOB, which is where some of the guys he's in charge of are. The flight had gotten pushed back to Sept. 1. He and his lieutenant had already handed in the keys for where they'd been staying, and "the people" wouldn't give them back because some other guys were coming in that day and would be staying there. So K and his lieutenant would have to find somewhere else to stay for the next week.

I had been talking to K pretty much every other night. Since they're 9 1/2 hours ahead, he usually calls me any time from midnight to 1 a.m. I don't care what time it is when he calls -- I'm just always excited to hear his voice.

Well, when he called after the game, it was terrible timing. He couldn't hear me in the suites, so I walked back out into the stadium seats connected to our suite. The maid was trying to come in and clean our suite, and the stadium was pretty much empty. I had left ER inside talking to my coworkers. My middle-aged coworkers she'd never met before. Either way, I felt terrible. I didn't want to be rude to ER and my coworkers, but I felt terrible K was having such a ad day -- especially on his birthday. I was stumbling about trying to ask K if he could call me back in a bit when he figured it out and said, "You want me to call you back later?" I was worried he wouldn't be able to hear me as we walked through the stadium to get out. Then, ER would be left in silence as I talked to K on the phone. And I wanted to give him my full attention, which I knew would be hard to do through all that.

I felt terrible. My good mood and my desire to stay out longer were both shot. As I was driving home, all these sad songs with sad lyrics came on that seemed to fit the situation so well:

I love you/ I have loved you all along/ And I miss you/ Been far away for far too long/ I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

I’m here without you baby/ but you're still on my lonely mind/ I think about you baby/ and I dream about you all the time

Naturally, before I knew it, I was bawling as I was driving home from the game. I really miss K, and I felt terrible for having to get off the phone with him. I hated that it was his birthday and I couldn't spend it with him, and on top of that, he was having a bad day.

I came home and got ready for bed. I laid in bed and put the phone next to me in case I fell asleep so I wouldn't miss his call. But I was too upset to go to sleep. He called me after a bit, and he sounded much better. That alone made me feel so relieved. We talked for a little over an hour. It was nice.

The next morning, I woke up 55. My eyes had huge bags under them from crying so hard the night before. It wasn't pretty at all. I'd slept until 11 a.m., and I had thought it was only about 9:30 or so when I woke up. I laid around a bit and finally got up and got some errands run.

ER and I spent a good portion of the day planning the evening's festivities. We were planning to set Jeremy and Emily up, so we made the final plans on that. We wound up going out to eat first, then going bowling and playing laser tag. It was really fun.

I had spent a good portion of the day also finding the perfect sized iron-on letters for a tank top I wanted to make (In case you're wondering, Michael's is the place to go for that!). I think it came out nice.







(Just so you know, the letters are straight. They just look crooked in this picture because I guess the shirt was crooked or something.)











So we had a blast that night. I think Emily and Jeremy hit it off. I got home that night and was typing an e-mail to K when he called me -- for the second night in a row! We talked for a little over an hour again, and he got off the phone with me because I was exhausted and he could tell. It sucks, though, because I hate getting off the phone with him. Every time we hang up, I get teary eyed. It sucks not being able to call him when something cool happens in my day or just to say hi. It sucks not being able to call him or text message him when "Sweet Home Alabama" -- our song -- comes on. Not to mention not getting to see him and give him a hug. On his birthday (and on mine!).

After we got off the phone, it was around 1:45. I took a shower and got ready for bed. I was exhausted when I woke up at 9:15 to get ready for church. I thought about not going. But I got up, and I went. It was nice. It's just always a pleasant way to start off the week.

Then, I came home and packed and drove to my hometown to get my windows taken care of so my car will pass inspection in the fabulous state of Texas. I really did think my windows were too dark, and I wanted to get them lightened. I just wanted to do it later.

I got an e-mail Sunday night from a woman in the Dallas area who I'd e-mailed about a washer and dryer sometime last week. She sent me a photo of the one she was selling. It is the exact same model that I had Appliance Warehouse pick up from my apartment last week because they're a bit too proud of it. This woman wanted to sell it to me for $75 cash. The very same model Appliance Warehouse wanted to charge me $33 a month for. I called the woman because -- clearly -- there had to be something wrong with it for her to sell it for such a cheap price. Turns out she's an elderly woman who's kind of sick, and she's moved in with her son. She said she's finally realizing she's not going to be independent anymore, so she's selling three bedrooms worth of furniture, and the washer and dryer are part of it.

I told her I'd have to recruit some guy friends to help me move it, but hopefully I could do it Tuesday or Wednesday. After we got off the phone, she called me back about 10 minutes later and said her son would deliver it for me, but he'd charge me. Ten dollars! She lives on the total opposite side of Dallas than I do. I said, "Ten dollars? re you serious? That's wonderful!" She said she was kind of shocked herself, but they just wanted to get it out of their garage.

I told my dad I kind of feel like I'm robbing them or something, but they're the ones who picked those prices.

My car windows got fixed today, too. And that only cost me $70. I was worried it would cost me somewhere around $200. I had no idea what to expect.

I'm so relieved and thankful, though. I had expected to pay about $150 for each of those two things. Instead, I paid just a little over $150 -- combined cost. Thank you, Jesus!

And I'm sure those of you who were concerned over my computer situation will be relieved to know that I have received in the mail my very own 160-gig external hard drive. My pictures (and videos and work and resume and ...) are saved!

Throw me a freakin' bone here

Every time I get more hours and more money that goes along with it, I start to feel better. My savings account grows slowly, and my checking account does, too. I like that feeling.

And then, lo and behold, something comes along. Like a cat and a yearly doctor visit (a couple months ago). Or, this time last year, a flat tire and a yearly doctor visit, which brought on an ultrasound to double check for cysts I knew I didn't have (and $1,000 in bills because my insurance deductible sucks).

This time, it's my washer and dryer and my car. I've had a washer and dryer in my apartment the whole time I've lived there, which is just over a year. When I moved in, the woman at the apartment office told me I wouldn't have to rent them each month because the appliance center wasn't billing them for it. As long as they didn't do an audit and realize I had one in my apartment, they wouldn't know it was there, and I wouldn't have to pay for them. Sweet!

Well, they audited. If I'd moved at the end of July when I was thinking about it, I wouldn't be in this position. Or I'd be in this position in another apartment closer to the actual city of Dallas, which has the #1 crime rate in the country. Anyway, I called two companies that rent washers and dryers to my apartment complex. It'll be from $29 to $33 a month for me to rent my not-even-full-sized STACKABLE washer and dryer each month. That means that for the remaining year that I'll be living in the fabulous city of Dallas, Texas, it'll cost me just under $400 to rent a washer and dryer. A stackable one. That's not even full-sized.

So I'm looking into buying a used one. Except every time I call, it's already sold. How do people find out about these ads so fast? At least I know it'll be easy to sell it a year from now!

As for my car, I went to get its state inspection yesterday. Two reasons Oklahoma is cooler than Texas: 1) Oklahoma realized state inspections are a pain years ago and stopped doing them. 2) My windows are not too dark in Oklahoma. Texas seems to think they are.

Granted, I do feel my windows are a little dark -- especially at night. But getting my windows tinted lighter isn't necessarily at the top of my budget to-buy list. Actually, I guess it is now -- right next to a stackable, used washer and dryer.

How am I supposed to start saving money when this crap keeps coming up?

My new best friend

So I guess this is how it's gonna be until K gets back. My cell phone was everywhere with me before, but it's everywhere with me now. It's always driven me nuts to see people at the gym with their cell phones, talking while they're "working out" (sorry, but you can't do cardio while you're on the phone!). My phone had never even been in the gym with me. Now, it comes. BUT I don't talk on it unless K calls, which hasn't happened yet. If and when it does, I will stop my workout and leave the gym.

I was nervous at church on Sunday that K would call during the service and I'd miss it. I had my phone on silent, but I knew I'd be so sad if I looked at my phone after church and saw I'd missed his call. I was hoping God would help me out and keep that from happening since I was there for Him. Luckily, God was on our side.

K called me last night at about 12:30. It was so good to hear his voice! He sounds like he's doing well and in good spirits, which makes me happy. We both miss each other like crazy, but like I've said before, that definitely won't hurt us. I really just want to see him for even a minute and give him a huge hug. That would be nice.

We talked for about half an hour. K told me that he looks at the little photo album I made him every night before bed. He said it was the perfect gift to give him right before he was leaving. That made me feel good. After we got off the phone, I was a little teary-eyed for a few minutes, and then, somehow, I went to sleep. I slept really well. It was good to hear from him.

My first weekend as a 23-year-old

Rachel came in on Friday, and ER and CG and Joe met us at my apartment before we went to dinner at a fun, laid-back restaurant. They brought me this yummy, warm chocolate chip cookie with ice cream on top.



the girls before going out to dinner










the yummy cookie!








Rachel and me enjoying it





Then, we went out to my favorite bar here. It was really fun. I wish K had been there to celebrate, too, but we had a great time.




























The next morning, K called me from Kyrgyzstan. He was going to be flying out to Afghanistan that day. He said the weather there was great -- about 70 degrees, he said. He seems to be in good spirits, so that's nice. I miss him already, but I'm really excited about when he comes back. Missing each other definitely won't hurt us any. It seems like things will only be better!

So while we were out at the bar Friday night, we'd seen this girl wearing a really cute dress ER and I both liked, so I complimented her on it. The girl proceeded to tell us about this really awesome store where she got it -- for really cheap. Naturally, we made plans to go on Saturday, and we did. I got the most adorable, Charlotte from Sex & the City dress. I even found a cute little bracelet to go with it!















































I needed to find some shoes, obviously. I went to DSW's and used my gift card I got for my birthday on the most adorable shoes! They only cost me 26 cents! :)












Noodle got busted playing inside the bag. For some reason, he really likes getting in plastic bags ...










He's pretty worn out from his weekend of eating and sleeping.

Peace with ya'll

I went to church with ER today. She's Lutheran, so they do the whole, "Peace with you" thing we Baptists don't do (We just say, "Hi! How are you? Good to se you!"). ER's church is really awesome, and the pastor who gave the sermon today is younger and really cool. During that part, he said "Peace with ya'll." It was awesome. I love the South!

After church, I went to dinner with ER and her family, who is pretty much my Texas family. Then, ER and I went shopping. We went to the Nine West outlet and each got a pair of heels (buy one, get one half off!). I got a new watch at the Fossil store since the battery died on my old one, and it was time to get a new one anyway, since it was getting pretty old.

I came home and hung out with Noodle for a bit, then went to the gym to work out with Jeremy. ER and I decided we're hooking up him and Emily next weekend, so I'm really excited about that. We had a good work out. We worked our back and legs. Guess I won't be wearing my new heels for a few days ... :)

I feel special!

Today after lunch, I sat innocently working in my office, and my boss stopped by and asked me to come out for a second. Then, I saw the chocolate cake he held in his hands.

My office never does things for birthdays, and it's always made me sad. I said something once about getting together a list and doing little birthday celebrations. One of the guys in the office informed me that there are too many males in the office for that to work. :(

I guess Sarah decided that sucked, and she and a couple other coworkers started planning the whole cake. And I had no idea. I was actually surprised. No one acted funny! I had no idea it was coming.

And then, I got a call that I had a package down at the security desk. I wasn't too surprised about it, since K sent me flowers and huge balloons last year on my birthday because he knew no one in the office knew it was that day and he knew I wouldn't say anything. I went downstairs to pick up the most beautiful flowers.



























































Just before I went to call K to say thanks, I looked at the card. Good thing, 'cause there was surprise #2!













And when I got home, I had these just inside my door from K.





































Unfortunately, Noodle evidently thinks flowers are food, so I'm having to guard my roses from him so there's something left to enjoy. lol

It's been a pretty great day. I'm really excited about tomorrow, though, 'cause it'll be even better!

Birthday girl

My birthday is today. I'm 23. I have no exciting plans tonight -- just going to the gym. And that's fine. That's intentional.

I went out last night with the Wednesday girls -- ER and Emily -- and we had a great dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We had margaritas and did the whole birthday thing, so the wait staff brought out this chocolate-covered brownie that was hidden under a mound of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream -- perfect. :) Then, we went back to ER and Emily's and watched Project Runway. ER has gotten me into that show. Plus, Kahne is from Norman (where OU is)!

Rachel's coming tomorrow, and I haven't seen her since last October. We've been friends since kindergarten and roommed together all through college, so this is the longest we've gone without seeing each other our whole lives. I'm excited.

ER, Rachel and I are going to dinner tomorrow night. CG is coming, too, and hopefuly her husband Joe will come and not feel bad about being the only guy. Jeremy, my workout buddy/"personal trainer"/college friend, will meet up with us afterward with some of his friends. He turns 25 tomorrow, so it'll be a dual birthday celebration!

I'm really bummed that K isn't here to celebrate. He's actually still in the country, which makes it more frustrating. He left on Tuesday and flew from Houston to Baltimore. He got to Baltimore, and his flight to Germany was delayed 24 hours due to mechanical problems. So yesterday afternoon, he returned to the airport, only to find out his flight was delayed again because the plane was diverted to Indianapolis for some reason. I'm seriously ready to just fly to Baltimore. But I'd rather him be delayed now, when he's trying to leave, than when he gets back. Hopefully tonight he'll make it out of Baltimore and fly to Germany, and then on to Afghanistan. I miss him already.

But I'm looking forward to this weekend, and even though I was bummed that K was leaving so close to both of our birthdays, I really think it's turning out to be a blessing. The good thing about birthdays is that they remind you how many wonderful people are in your life, and people take a moment out of their days just to wish you a good day and send some nice words. It really makes you feel good, and I'm always surprised to see messages from people I haven't seen in a long time.

In fact, it makes me want to take time out of my day to do the same. I think I'll make it a birthday resolution. :) This year, I'm going to make a habit of sending messages and cards to friends just because. It's a pretty good feeling to feel special.

Don't tell my laptop I said this

I said on my blog yesterday that I'd try to post pictures from last weekend. I tried. I did. My computer, though, officially sucks. And a year ago, I didn't really know. I knew it wasn't awesome, but that's not the same.

Then K came into my life and into my apartment, and he made fun of my old laptop. He asked how long I'd had it. "Not that long," I said. "My mom bought it used for me when I started college." That was four years earlier. K informed me that that is very old for a laptop. I had no idea.

Since then, he always makes little jokes about my laptop or groans when it takes 10 minutes to turn on and be ready for me to use the Internet. But I always told him it's just fine for my purposes. I only use it to go online and to store pictures. I don't need a new laptop to do that!

And then it stopped turning on sometimes. That's frustrating. I started looking into buying a new laptop. I found one I liked, a Dell, that seemed to fit everything I need -- large storage capacity, Internet access and a power button that works. For like $600.

Six hundred dollars?!! That's a lot! I could get so many things with that -- work clothes, new tires, new shoes, cute furniture ... I'm not an electronics girl, so I would rather spend money on so many more useful things than a laptop.

But last night when I went to load my pictures, my computer wasn't working well. It was taking so ... long ... to do ... everything. And not all the icons on pages were loading. I think it's seriously about to bite the dust.

And it's all K's fault. My laptop was working fine (most of the time) before he started making fun of it. But $600?!

I'm so not gettin' a Dell. :(

Long time, no post

Things have been pretty crazy lately. Last week, I stayed later at work so I could leave early on Friday to spend more time with K. When I went home at night, I was doing things I needed to take care of before the weekend.

I gave K his birthday present. I got him a cute little suede photo album from Target that won't take up too much room in his bag, so it'll be easy to pack. I put some of my favorite pictures of us in there and some goofy, fun pics of us and of him with his buddies. Each page had a little memo line, so I wrote messages or comments about the pictures. He had also just bought a portable DVD player, and the battery only lasts 3 hours. I got him a new battery for it that lasts over 8 hours. His plane ride is about 13 hours, and he'll be travelling all day today, so I'm sure he'll get some use out of it.

I thought yesterday would be a really tough day, since it's the last time I'll see K until at least Thanksgiving. I was surprised, though -- it wasn't bad. So far it's just been normal. Every time I go to Louisiana to see him, I come back either Sunday night or some time Monday, depending on when I have to be at work. I was still able to talk to him on the phone yesterday and last night.

It'll probably hit me most on Thursday because I won't get to look forward to spending the weekend with him. It may even hit me a little today because it'll start getting harder to talk to him.

He flew out of Houston this morning and is supposed to land in Baltimore this afternoon. Then, he flies to Germany, where he'll get the rest of his information. He's not sure if he'll be there a few days or if he'll go straight to Afghanistan.

My birthday is coming up on Thursday, and I'm not really excited about it. I really wanted to be able to celebrate with K this weekend, but that's not gonna happen. I think it's a good thing, though, that he's leaving so close to my birthday after all. This way, my friends were already planning on getting together, and we will be hanging out to celebrate rather than to try to keep me from being sad.

My friend Rachel, who I've known since kindergarten and grew up with and roommed with all through college, is coming to visit on Friday. I haven't seen her since OU-Texas last year, which was October 8. It's the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. In fact, I still have her birthday present (Her birthday is in February) and her Christmas present.

So I'm looking forward to those things, at least. I'll post pictures and stories about the weekend hopefully later tonight.

Pensacola pictures!

The refrigerator in our condo. We might starve, but we won't go thirsty! :)















K and me on the beach, and me with straight hair!











Can you tell what is in this picture?












It's a cute little sand crab!











Us drinking Irish Wakes at McGuire's. (My hair's back to normal)









McGuire's has dollar bills ALL over the place. I snapped this really quick as we were leaving, so it's not a good example. See the bottom of the picture? That's pretty much how it is.






By the way, if you ever go to McGuire's in Pensacola, don't let the bathroom doors fool you! (Look closely ...)






K holding a baby alligator at a random alligator farm in Mississippi.












Eek!! (See the gator to the left under the tree?!)











Evidently alligators like marshmallows ...

One point for Dallas

I got my hair cut last week, and it's something I always have mixed emotions about. My hair is very thick and curly (think Felicity), so it's kind of limited what all I can do. I don't want to straighten it because why change things when you can have the best of both worlds with just a little bit of work?

Only one person had cut my hair from the time I was pretty little until I was in the 6th or 7th grade. Then, Tammy, my beloved hair lady, moved. She was the one who gave me my perm in the 5th grade. She must have worked some magic because my hair hasn't been straight since without making someone's arms very tired.

I love my curls. They're my trademark. They make me feel like I'm in some sort of club because other girls with thick, curly hair know my pain.

But every time I get my hair cut, no one ever notices because after the person is done cutting my hair, it's still just really long and thick and curly.

Not this time. Donna, my new friend at Ulta, is awesome. She has taken a class on curly hair in New York City. She told me about this really good leave-in conditioner and shampoo that I wound up buying, and I love them. And they were both on sale!

Donna was talkative, so there was no awkwardness of just having some stranger hack away at my hair for 45 minutes without saying a word.

And she blow-dried my hair straight. I didn't know that was possible. I thought that was only step two of the straightening process, only to be followed by step three -- the straightener. My hair looked awesome, and it felt great. People noticed it had been cut. And now that it's curly again, it looks awesome still. It's not frizzy, thanks to the awesome leave-in conditioner.

This may seem a little over the top to be so excited about finally finding someone who does a great job on my hair, but it's my hair. It's a small part of the reason I'm not living in some crappy small town as a TV reporter, where some producer would tell me my hair wasn't right for TV and make me cut it to my shoulders, straighten it and put highlights in it or dye it some color because viewers would like it better.

Plus, it's one point for Dallas, and just in time, because CG's moving soon. And a good haircut really just makes you feel good.

I saw rain! In August!

I'm back from Florida! We had a really good time. It was K and me, two of K's buddies and their wives. We got there late Friday night, and it was pouring and thundering like crazy! Luckily, Saturday was clear and nice. We slept in that morning and spent the whole afternoon on the beach. We all got a little sunburned, but not too bad.

We left yesterday afternoon and stopped off in Missouri for this air boat ride/swamp & alligator tour thing. It was really neat. We didn't get back to K's until about midnight last night. I had to be at work today at 1:30, so I had to get up and leave at 8:30. I got pulled over on this really crappy road that everyone speeds on. I got a ticket. Bummer.

Anyway, I just got back from the gym, and I'm exhausted, so I'll post more tomorrow -- including pictures.

So much news ... so many emotions

• CG just called me to tell me she's moving to Oklahoma. Joe is getting back in the Army, and they'll be stationed there for 6 months, and then they'll move to Georgia for 6 months before going who knows where.
• Rhett Bomar, OU's quarterback, was kicked off the football team today. I think this is actually good. He has a bad attitude and obviously has no integrity, since he was getting paid for a job he wasn't doing (thus, the reason he was dismissed, since that's against NCAA regulations). Besides, Paul Thompson can handle the position, and I'm glad he will get the chance. He's a nice guy, unlike Bomar.
• There is a tropical storm moving in on the Florida coast. Bummer for our trip this weekend. It won't get there until we're leaving, but it'll probably mess with the weather a bit.

Anyway, all these things are crazy news, and I was notified of them literally one after the other. The first two are big shockers. The last one's kind of a bummer.

I'm very sad about CG, too, though. See, now I won't be within 45 minutes of her anymore. I'll only be living near one of my best friends now. I'm still lucky for that, I know, but it doesn't look good for me and Dallas. I'm still going to work on that. But I wanted CG to be my maid of honor someday. It'll be hard if she's living in Georgia this time next year. :(

How am I supposed to be productive at work with all this stuff going on?

Hello, I was SLEEPING!

This morning I was on my mode of mass transportation to work. It takes 45 minutes. (I know!) I read Quick, which is a little tabloid-sized newspaper that has entertainment news, world news and everything else you want to know that's going on in Dallas, Texas and the U.S. They pass it out to you at all the mass transportation stops. So anyway, I was reading that, and it was a bunch of depressing news: (1) The 4-year-old Dallas kid who died a couple weeks ago didn't die of heat stroke on the playground. Instead, the day care owner didn't realize he was in the van, and he died in there. No one knew until the kid's brother noticed (hours later) that he hadn't seen the kid. (2) More poeple died in Iraq. (3) Israel war stuff. (4) Everyone hates Mel Gibson. (5) A 16-year-old boy shot someone -- a 14-year-old. On purpose. (6) A domestic-violence shelter caught on fire.

As you can see, all this stuff is pretty much a downer. So I thought to myself, Screw this paper! This sucks! I'm going to take a nap.

So I did. And this is very common on mass transportation. You're just sitting there, and you're bored. My stop is right after this big stop where almost everyone gets off. So I'm minding my own business and sleeping, and this guy who's about my age taps me on the arm and says, "Is this your stop?" I looked outside, saw it wasn't, looked at him strangely and said, "No."

I realize he was trying to be nice, but I was so confused by the whole thing I couldn't say anything else. And hello? I was sleeping! :)

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Thanks Courtney and S for making me feel normal in your reponses yesterday. :) You girls are awesome.

What happened to Miss Independent?

I was on the phone with K last night as I drove back to Dallas from our weekend. He got an e-mail while we were on the phone saying that right now the plans are that he will be leaving on the 15th of August. It had been looking for several days like the 7th of August, which would be a week from today. That's changed now.

For some reason, it made me more frustrated than happy that he'd be here longer. We had already decided our Pensacola trip was back on, so that was a good thing. But I didn't know how many times I could shift around my schedule before my boss becomes unsympathetic to the whole situation. Knowing he's here longer means I'll be driving to Louisiana for two more weeks in a row. Gas is expensive, and money is a little tight right now.

But I was also thinking about something really stupid. I felt like such a selfish, immature and stupid girl for thinking about what was on my mind.

When I told a couple of my friends that K was leaving, they asked if we were getting married first. Maybe if he was going for even 6 months, but 3? Nah. I told K they'd asked me that. He said he'd even thought about it a little bit himself. He would get more money for being gone that way. And we both want to get married someday anyway ...

One of the things I thought about after the shock wore off that he was going was whether we'll get engaged before he leaves. It's something I've been wanting to happen for a long time now, but at the same time, I don't want to get engaged and then send him off. I'd want him to be here so we could enjoy it together. And I wouldn't want him to just throw some quick proposal plan together because he felt like he had to do it before he left. I told him the night we both found out he was going to Afghanistan that he didn't need to worry about anything with us. I'll be here when he gets back. (He's just going to be gone three months! That's like a summer break.)

I had a zillion things going through my head, though, and I felt absolutely ridiculous. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. K was out of the question because I don't want him to feel pressured about that. CG would probably tell me I need to quit worrying about it, and I'd feel really stupid. My single girl friends wouldn't understand at all. I thought of other girls who were dating or married to military guys. They would understand better, I thought, but at the same time, all the girls I know who fit that category are dating or married to one of K's friends. Except for my friend Rebecca. She dated this guy in the Air Force for several years. But she lives with her boyfriend of 2 years now, and they're not engaged. Whatever annoying engagement bug I caught, she doesn't have. Lucky.

I thought about blogging about my frustrations. But I only have 4 or 5 readers anyway, and I like having people read my blog. Writing about everything I was thinking would definitely make you all decide I'm crazy and make you stop reading my blog.

So I called my mom. If I'm crazy, it's her fault anyway. So I was telling her everything I was thinking about, and it was hard to even say some of it because I felt so stupid. (By the way, she told me I sound hormonal. Thanks, Mom.)

But as I was talking to her, I figured it all out. The reason I've been so antsy about wanting to get engaged is because I'm not really happy here. I don't like Dallas. The people here are pretty much selfish and unfriendly. And a lot of them are weird!

I hate my commute and my mode of mass transportation to work. (Two weeks ago, some old guy sat next to me and kept saying something to me. The only thing I could make out was "panties," so I knew I was not hearing him right. Until he touched me a little lower than my lower back and repeated whatever it was I couldn't hear because he was saying it so quietly and because he was a little insane. So I lied to the guy and told him we were at my stop, so I needed up.)

I spend most of my time here alone. I'm more used to it now, but I don't like being alone. I'm a people person. I thrive off of being around a lot of people. That's why I liked band so much. It's a huge group of people who you may have only one thing (band) in common with, but that's enough. I moved from the town I grew up in, where I knew everyone, to Norman for college. Pretty soon, I knew "everyone" there, too. It felt like home. I couldn't go to Wal-Mart without seeing 10 people I knew. Or McDonald's, or the mall, or Kinkos or anywhere else.

When I visit K, we go out in groups with his buddies and their significant others. Like I used to do in Norman and in my hometown.

I had roommates -- three of them, most of the time. In Dallas, I live alone. (Well, actually, I have Noodle now, but I prefer roommates who don't pounce on my pillow while I'm trying to sleep and who I don't have to clean up after every time they poop or pee.) I go to work, and I sit in my office alone most of the day. I'll have to do little things around the office or the building, and I see other people. I'll ask my boss a few questions or interact with people in the bathroom while I'm washing my hands or in the little kitchen area while I'm microwaving my food. But that's not much. If you're friendly to someone on mass transportation, they look at you funny, like you're crazy or something.

So marrying K is my ticket out. That's not all it is, obviously, but it's a solution to the parts of my life I don't like as much right now: (1) I only see K on weekends, (2) I have to drive 5 hours to see him, (3) My commute sucks, (4) I'll get to hang out in groups again, and (5) I'll get a new job -- maybe even a full-time job (but let's not get our hopes up too much... ), which would mean the whole money situation would be better.

It's weird to realize that I'm looking to that frankly nonexistent date I'm hoping will come next summer so I can get out of Texas and all my problems will be solved. Even my blog title has something to do with not liking it here.

I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure. I know marriage isn't perfect and that things aren't always rosy (trust me, my parents taught me that one!). I know not everthing will be perfect just because I get married and move. I know that. I just thing it'll be better.

Sure, I could move out of my apartment, out of Dallas. But where do I go? It's intimidating. The world is a big place! I'd want to go somewhere where I'd be 5 hours or less from K. I certainly wouldn't want to go farther from him. But then, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to do that, either. There are a lot of opportunities in Dallas. It's close to K and still close to my family. I live about 45 minutes from CG and 15 minutes from ER. And even if my job isn't quite full time, it's a good job. It'll look awesome on my resume. And if K and I do wind up getting married next summer, it won't make sense to pack up and restart my life somewhere else, only to do it again less than a year later.

Plus, I can't afford the $2500 it'll cost me to break my lease.

I've never been one to really rely on other people to make me happy. I've always been the cheerer-upper or the one who's happy anyway. I'm pretty sure I'm just lucky enough to have a brain that is really good at producing seratonin. And one that reacts favorably to chocolate.

I had already decided when I found out that K would be gone for three months that during that time, I'd set a goal of learning to like Dallas. It's a quicker solution to most of my little "problems," and it's taking responsibility for making things better myself. All the more reason(s!) to start trying to like Dallas.